Don't Destroy My Favorite Franchises

Listen folks, We've reviewed a few movies and TV shows here at Jimbo's, and something we've seen a lot of lately is movies that don't live up to what came before them in their franchises or sometimes even in print, and I'm not just talking about the whole "The Book is Always Better" thing. The fact of the matter is that, in far too many cases, movie studios have made movies where they've placed the emphasis on effects and not story.  

Don't get it twisted. I love a beautiful movie. I've had many conversations with all kinds of people regarding older stuff that I love that just doesn't look right anymore because the effects are so dated. I grew up on Star Trek: The Original Series, but if I watch it now, the only part that still looks futuristic is when the crew uses the transporter. I love watching Babylon 5, but it's gotten to point where I almost have to watch the space battles with my eyes closed. Watch Robocop at some point and tell me the Point of View shots don't look stupid and old. I get the importance of special effects, especially in the Science Fiction and Fantasy that I love so much, but that's not all there is to a flick or series. 

Seriously, I watched Game of Thrones later than everyone else (life sucks when you don't have HBO) but I get why everyone was upset about the last episode. There was no reason to have Cersei burn all of King's Landing down. The latest iteration of The Flash had amazing effects but the script was amateurish. Don't get me started on the Star Wars prequels that were entertaining individually, but went together like oil and water. Seriously, I could have conceived a better story arc than they did. As a matter of fact, I did "write" my own outline of how the next two would go in my head. It was better than what they came out with, and it didn't even include Emperor Palpatine.

Seriously Hollywood, explosions, camera flare and ripping off The Matrix Reloaded aren't the keys to making lots of money.

And, before you criticize me for thinking I know more about how to make money with a movie than a Hollywood executive, you may want to realize that movies like Matrix Resurrections, Green Lantern, The Flash, Fantastic Beasts The Crimes of Grindlewald and Star Trek: Nemesis all lost money. The reason wasn't bad special effects. My reviews of The Crimes of Grindlewald and The Flash both indicate how impressed I was with the way the looked. The reason all of those movies failed is simple: They were poorly written.

Yes, movies and TV are visual mediums, but at the end of the day, they're stories. Story telling is something humans have been doing literally (and I mean literally literally, not literally figuratively) since time immemorial. The Epic of Gilgamesh is the oldest known written story in history. It was written almost four thousand years ago. I can guarantee you that it wasn't presented with visual effects by Industrial Light and Magic and didn't come in THX sound. It still exists because it was a good story.

Think about it: Other than simply being authors, what do the writers of Gilgamesh, Homer of Illiad and Oddysey fame, William Shakespeare, Miguel de Cervantes, Mark Twain, Jules Verne, Mary Shelley and Charles Dickens have in common? They all lived, worked and wrote in an era with no special effects and their stories will all be remembered by generations who won't even know that Wonder Woman 1984 ever existed.

Frankenstein has been put on film a bunch of times, but when it was written, there was no such thing as a video recording device. Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea was eventually adapted into a movie version, but not until decades after it was written. Romeo and Juliet was written before the founding of the United States. So was Don Quixote. The reason that you can still buy a copy of  A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court a hundred and thirty-four years after it was written and couldn't get a ticket to The Flash a month after it was released in the theater is because ACYIKAC is a good story and The Flash reads like it was written by an amateur. A good story lasts. A pretty movie with no story behind it doesn't.

If these movie and television studios want people to spend money on their product, they're going to need to come up with some better stories. That's the key here, folks. It's not making your movie look fancy. It's not substituting demographics for story. Marketing helps, but it's not the end all be all either.

Unless you're James Cameron. I don't get the success of the Avatar movies. They're not good and they succeeded. I'm wondering if perhaps Mr. Cameron hasn't sold his soul to Satan or something, because those movies are drek and they sold massive quantities of tickets. I freely admit that that guy is the exception to the rule. 

That's not to say that there are no good new stories. Ghostbusters: Afterlife was amazing. Black Panther was even better. I loved all of the Harry Potter movies even if they weren't as good as the books. Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, House of the Dragon, The Last of Us, and even The Big Bang Theory (admittedly more SF/F related than true SF/F) were all well written and entertaining. 

And there are more ideas out there. There have been plenty of works reviewed by yours truly right here at Jimbo's that would make excellent movies. 

Why yes, I am trying to get some truly talented authors paid exorbitant amounts of money. That's so they'll keep writing. I mean, honestly, the best way to encourage your favorite author to keep writing is flat out bribery. Give them money to write and they'll keep freaking writing. And, let's face it, Hollywood's ability to pay my favorite authors is far greater than mine.

Seriously Hollywood, do the right thing. Get some writers that are good at their craft. At the end of the day, they're every bit as important as your on screen talent. Your livelihood and my entertainment depend on it.

Yes Virginia, Die Hard _Is_ A Christmas Movie

Bring it in! Take a knee! I have something to tell all of you. It is time to dispel a myth that has been propagated by evil, ill meaning stinky stinkers that stink. They smell bad, too. I mean like, horrible, terrible body odor that wreaks with a wreakiness that wreaks of wreaking. These people smell so bad that my dog tried to eat their underwear WHILE THEY WERE WEARING THEM because they smelled like wild animal poop.

What could make a group of people so terribly awful that skunks won't approach their position because of the smell? They have been spreading the totally untrue, unbelievably deceitful, horribly harmful belief that Die Hard is not a Christmas movie. This is patently false.

I see you out there. You're a doubter. You wallow in the stench of your beliefs. Listen up, and let Jimbo set you straight. The proof is in the pudding and, assuming you can follow the most incredibly simple of all arguments, you will come to understand how wrong you were, after which you will be allowed to take a shower and get rid of your odoriferous emanations. I mean, you can't use my shower because I don't want that smell in my house, but someone will allow you to use theirs. Just not me.

You see, those of us who have done actual historical research (and I've got one of those fancy pieces of paper that says I have. It also says something about "bachelor" which I actually am now, but was not when I got it. Go figure.) know that there are things called primary source documents. That's how real historical research is done. Not by reading a book by someone who calls themselves an "expert." Seriously, when I researched the security around the Manhattan Project, I did so by getting hold of copies of the Official Documents of the Manhattan Project. I got a crash course on using a microfilm reader that semester. I also read the memoirs of Leslie Groves, the Commanding Officer of the whole thing. Did you know that Los Alamos used a lower grade milk than any other United States Army installation? They had to get permission to put it in the commissary. True story bro. I know that because I saw the actual freaking request and response.

Granted, it wasn't my most stunning discovery, but that's what happened.

When I did my Capstone Paper on the involvement on the Heer (German Army. No, the Wehrmacht wasn't the Army. The closest analogue to the Wehrmach in the US would be the Department of War/Department of Defense.) I actually read translations of reports filed by the commanders of units who committed mass shootings because that's where the information I needed was. I also read the transcripts of the Nuremberg Trials (well, as many as I had time too. I only had a semester.) because that's where I needed the information contained there. 

I also visited the local Holocaust Museum (on Orchard Lake between Twelve and Thirteen Mile Roads if you're local to Detroit. Stop in. It's horrifying.) but I didn't include anything written there. Why? Because it's a secondary source.

(For the record, it was undergraduate work and was never published. The reason why you can't find it in publication is because it wasn't published because I didn't publish it. Now when the person in the comments screams because they can't find it I can tell them that the reason they can't find the stuff is because it wasn't published and they'll look like the dumbass.)

Sorry for being like, all serious and junk. I do that sometimes. Maybe more than I should. 

BUT ANYWAY...

At the top of this post you will find a PRIMARY SOURCE DOCUMENT (queue impressive sounding music) also known as the promotional poster for the movie itself. Page back up. Read it. I'll wait.

WAITING...

WAITING...

WAITING...

WAITING...

WAITING...

WAITING...

WAITING...

STILL WAITING...

SERIOUSLY, ARE YOU DONE YET?

Okay, so what does the first line of writing on the poster say?

"He had the perfect plan for Christmas."

For what?

For Christmas! IT SAYS CHRISTMAS ON THE POSTER! DIE HARD IS THEREFORE A CHRISTMAS MOVIE! THE PROMOTIONAL TEAM CONFIRMED IT! THEY NEVER COULD HAVE DONE IT IF THE PRODUCER AND THE DIRECTOR DISAGREED!

I WIN! I WIN! I WIN!

I'll just stand here while the dozens (KEEP DREAMING!) of the Jim's fans are chanting his name.

JIM-BO, JIM-BO, JIM-BO...

The doubters are now defeated, vanquished. Their suckage has been displayed for all to see. Their golf balls and garden hoses revealed. Their argument has been destroyed. Their cause discredited. I have wreaked havoc (more wreaking!) upon their lines, sent their forces fleeing, advanced upon their capital and lowered their flag.

You may all now congratulate me on the publication (via this blog, if not in any academic journal) of my painstaking research which consisted of seconds worth of reading a promotional poster. Your agreement is accepted. Your objection is irrelevant. I have achieved my life's work and successfully put an academic(ish) debate to bed. 

As I ride off into the sunset celebrating those of you who have seen your argument defeated are highly encouraged to congratulate me on my victory while you are on the way to your shower. Don't forget to wash your pits. They stink. Badly. And use soap this time. Please. You need it.

Those of you who knew and acknowledged the truth from the beginning are urged to be magnanimous. Try not to plug your nose and say "Pee-you". Allow the non-believers to borrow your soap. Encourage them to wash themselves in your showers. Loan them your shampoo. Especially if it's the good stuff. They need it.

Somewhere out there is that one goofball that can't grasp that this is a thousand words worth of joke. That person is advised to go soak their head. They may gag themselves with a spoon if it makes them feel better. But know this Karen: I don't feel bad for you. You're an egghead.

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Columbia Pictures Ghostbusters: Afterlife

You guys! You guys! You guys! I heard the sound! I heard the sound!

If you're a Ghostbusters fan you know the sound. If you're not, GO WATCH SOME GHOSTBUSTERS SO YOU CAN HEAR THE SOUND!!!

And trust me, the amount of pure, unadulterated AWESOME contained in the sound will make it obvious what the sound is. I know you’re skeptical but it really is that cool. And when you point it out, you too can be known to your friends as ‘Captain Observo, King of the Obvious.’ I mean, it’s a hard earned title that comes with a massive amount of responsibility, but it’s worth it.

For those that missed it; I just got home from watching Ghostbusters: Afterlife.

So like, yeah totally awesome. But before I get to the awesome part (other than the unbelievably amazing sound of THE SOUND) I have a bone to pick with Columbia Pictures and it’s writing staff.

Listen guys, you had to have known that there were going to be a bunch of old dudes watching this flick for the nostalgia value alone. (See, this is how you get to be Captain Observo.) And listen, I have a lot of love for young ladies with glasses who love things like science and math. (If you don’t know, that describes both of my daughters. They are - being 100% serious - both in accelerated science and math classes and their daddy is so proud it hurts.) But DUDE - WHY IS THE SMART SCIENCY CHICK THE TWELVE YEAR OLD?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!?!? Or, I mean, maybe you could have made the junior high aged female smart and sciency AND made her mom the same way, because honestly, all of the former pimple faced freaks who went days without eating so that they could save up their lunch money to buy tickets to the first two movies would have LOVED a woman approaching their age that was, like, smart and stuff. Seriously, I’d compare nerdy girls to gold only I don’t want to insult nerdy girls like that. As far as a worthy compliment, sorry ladies. I got nothin’. You’re just that unbelievably awesome.

Why, yes I have been single for a long time. What brought that up?

*SIGH* Yes, Callie was a good character. I enjoyed her. I even get why she wasn’t written to be sciency. I’m just that guy sometimes.

And while we’re on the topic of girls:

I’m not telling you to kiss the pretty lady, brother. I’m just telling you that I went to high school with a guy who wouldn’t and we still dog him about it. In his forties. Your call.

Anyway…

So yeah, I enjoyed the movie. It wasn’t what I expected exactly, but that’s okay because it’s better than what I expected and people, I expected a lot.

There is a lot more to the latest installment in the Ghostbusters mythos than I thought there would be. The first two were popcorn movies. They were fun and engaging but somehow I missed just exactly how much lore there was. With something like Lord of the Rings  or any D&D related world, it’s all there and it’s obvious. Somehow, I learned it all without knowing I learned it all with Ghostbusters. To be fair, I haven’t seen the 2016 remake because the trailers were weak and everyone I know that saw the movie hated it. I therefore cannot comment on it directly.

I don’t do the thing where I remember who produced and directed every movie/TV show ever. That’s just not me. I’m thinking that whoever wrote Ghostbusters: Afterlife must have been related to Stranger Things somehow or is at least a fan, and I don’t say that just because Finn Wolfhard is in both. Seriously, this movie feels like Stranger Things on it’s best day only better. Kids in the lead, adults in support, kids get in trouble…

So much  fun. Ghostbusters: Afterlife is the movie to take your kid who doesn’t remember the original Ghostbusters movies too when you want to have a fandom to share with them. I can guarantee that any kid with an interest in geeky things will love this movie just as much as the old fart sitting next to them. And then you can be Mr(s). Sneakybutt and get the kid to watch the first two because they love the new one.

It’s got the feeling of the first two movies as well. Not only do we get to see some old friends, there might be an old enemy or two along for the ride, and possibly not in the way you, or at least I, anticipated.

They kept a lot of the old ghostbusting technology and you would think it would look outdated but the way they presented it makes it work. Like, I totally got behind the Eighties look of some of the props. Partially because I remember things that way but also because it works in the setting.

And about the setting: Most of Ghostbusters: Afterlife does not take place in the big city. I liked that about it. I’m a straight up city-boy who has spent his life thinking that driving fifteen minutes to get McDonalds was hardship, but I’ve also spent time in the country, riding in the back of pickups and heading out to the woods to get away from the old people. The feeling is right here. Writers, director, actors, they all get it. And if all this country flavored leads into something straight out of an epic fantasy novel, I’m with it. That was maybe the best part.

Any Ghostbusters fan knows that we lost Harold Ramis awhile back. If you’ve been paying attention to nerdish news and rumors it should come as no surprise that the Egon character that he played so well makes an appearance as a CGI construct. I don’t want to say too much here and spoil things, but let me say that Egon’s actions were in character, entertaining and necessary to the plot. If the CGI had a Star Wars feel to it, then that’s good too.

Seriously, if you haven’t seen Ghostbusters: Afterlife do so. Now. The script, the nostalgia, seeing our old heroes and the new generation all make this movie an instant favorite. You DO NOT want to miss it.

Bottom Line: 5.0 out of 5 Proton Packs (whiiiiiine)

Ghostbusters: Afterlife
Columbia Pictures, 2022

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Interview with Allan Yoskowitz of Doomed Scholar Studios

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Jimbo: As you should already know, we at Jimbo's (all one of us) love to promote the up and comer. I've also made a comment or two about the way things are going in entertainment and how that needs to change. I feel happy to announce that I have come across a person who I believe is headed toward giving us all the type of entertainment that we need moving forward. His name is Allan Yoskowitz, and he is the founder of Doomed Scholar Studios. Say Hi Allan!

Allan:  Hey out there.  Hope you are all well.

Jimbo: So tell us a little about what you're looking to do with Doomed Scholar Studios. Kind of a broad mission statement. 

Allan: Too much of what we’re given is about socio-political messaging these days, and not whether or not the people watching are enjoying it.  The point of watching TV or a movie is because you enjoy it!  All we are getting (a lot of the time) is a lecture.

Jimbo: Ok, I hear you about all of the woke stuff, but just to be sure, you're not talking about excluding people, right? Isn't it more about providing quality programming?

Allan:  I am not talking about excluding anyone.  People have the right to enjoy what they’re watching, and Doomed Scholar Studios is going to give them (to use your words) ‘quality programming’ to watch.

Jimbo: Alright, I understand what you're saying. So tell me this. Do you have anything you're working on now that you can kind of hint at? Just to kind of give people an idea of what you're working toward in more concrete terms.

Allan: There are a few...  I can tell you I really haven’t seen anything out there like what we’re talking about. 

Jimbo: Awesome. Ok, so obviously you're looking to start a business making movies and TV shows, hence the words “studios” in Doomed Scholar Studios. But tell me this Allan: Are you also working on anything in print or online?

Allan:  I’ve coauthored two novels, Codename: WINTERBORN and Codename: UNSUB with Declan Finn.  Post-apocalyptic science fiction.  I haven’t really written anything in a long while, beyond the development of the concepts that are being developed for DSS.

 Jimbo: Awesome. Now, I've been following you a bit on the Facebook group you just mentioned. Something you talk about frequently is entertainment as a business and how it's important to make a profit. I love that angle. Tell us all a bit about what you think the importance of making a profit is.

Allan: The United States is a capitalist nation.  Entertainment companies (in a capitalist nation) are is supposed to produce material people will enjoy in order to make money from the effort.  

Maybe it won’t all be on a show directly.  Maybe selling toys or something else related to the show…

But that’s the purpose behind a business.  To make money on a product or a service, whatever it is…  like a doctor’s care, or paying money to go to a theater and see a movie. 

But there are specific people you need to make a good profit for if you want to keep getting your paycheck.  

Your investors.  

You want to make good money for yourself?  You make good money for them.  Simple.

Jimbo: I get it. Let me ask you this though, Allan: Would you call a movie, for instance, that lost money a success or a failure? What about a TV show that didn't pull in enough viewers to pay its bills?

Allan:  Like I said, the ultimate purpose of a movie or a TV show is to make money.   If they didn’t make a profit, I’d have to call either a failure, no matter what I thought of them personally.

To be a success both have to make a profit; even if they pay off whatever it cost to make the project, they have to make a good profit for the investors or those investors aren’t going to give you money to make more movies/shows.

Jimbo: Ok, so what you're saying is that, as the head of Doomed Scholar Studios, you're looking to make products that not only entertain, but also make money does that sound right? If so, what types of content are you looking to both include and exclude to make a good product?

Allan: That’s absolutely right.  I want people to enjoy watching what we’re giving them, and because they’re enjoying it, spend the money to see future projects.  To want to see the characters again, and to spend their money on being able to (by, say, buying our material on a streaming service, or buying related goods).  

What types of content do we want to include and exclude to ‘make a good product’.  That’s actually a very tough question, Jimbo sir.  Like I said, we want to keep politics and social messaging from becoming a ‘major issue’ in our product.  They are going to ‘show up’, I am not going to deny it’s a part of life to see those things.

There are a lot of issues I’d like to avoid, but that isn’t possible.  Things like race, religion and sexuality.    They’re part of life, and you have to acknowledge them as part of life.

Doing that doesn’t mean we have to make a lot out of them, though.

Jimbo: Hold on, Allan. Are you honestly telling me that you can make a good show, whether for TV or a movie, without including overt political messaging? Isn't that a bit of a reactionary stance on your part?

Allan:  We can’t eliminate every political or social issue… but we don’t have to be blunt with them.  Keep it subtle, and if anything, you’ll have viewers talking more about what they’re watching because they’re talking about what their favorite characters are saying, and what the ongoing storylines mean… and they’ll keep watching to find out.

Jimbo: Wow. I like that stance. It's something I've encouraged here on my blog as well.  Ok, Allan, one more thing before I let you go: I know I'm not a perfect interviewer. I always feel like I've left the one thing that my guest most wanted to talk about off the list when I do this. So, tell me, what else should I have asked you? Don't forget to answer your own question.

Allan: Well, why am I doing this.   I am a martial arts instructor; I have been practicing Taekwondo for thirty years, and am a fourth degree black belt.  I assist with instructing kid’s classes.  I want them to have fun when they’re watching something, just like they have fun at the school.

I enjoyed going to the movies and watching TV when I was younger.  I want them (and their families) to enjoy it the same way I did, and hopefully someday to enjoy it that way with my own family.

These days when they watch, they’re getting lectured.  How is that fun?

Jimbo: Awesome. Thanks for sharing that and thanks for stopping by Jimbo's. You're welcome back at any time Allan. Make sure you keep us posted on any projects that you have coming up!

Allan: Well, with my thanks, Jimbo sir.  I’ll let you know what we have going at some point in the near future, believe me!

P.S. Allan wanted me to mention that he is currently having a contest to design the logo for DSS. Please join the Doomed Scholar Studios group on Facebook and/or MeWe if you plan to enter. Rules are listed below:

1. Any submissions must be personal, original work (preferably by a member of the DSS group)
2. Submissions can be hand-drawn or computer-developed.
3. Submissions (images) must be 'signed'.
4. Images cannot be 'graphic' (they cannot contain blood, nudity or violent activity)
5. ONE image per competitor.
6. .JPG, .PNG, .GIF and .PDF files accepted (up to 2MB)

Send work TO:

http://www.gkmasterson.com/doomed-scholar-studios-icon-submission/

Great Sidekicks of Science Fiction and Fantasy

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(This is not my work. If I had any clue who made it I would credit them.)

So I saw this meme posted last night and it got me thinking. I love Ron (DON'T CALL ME WON WON) Weasley. I mean, who doesn't love a guy who does everything he can for his friends? Who doesn't love a guy who sacrifices himself to save others? I mean, there are times when I found Ron to be a bit dense and sometimes a little annoying. Let's face it though, even though sidekicks can get on our nerves sometimes, they're important and our heroes would frequently be in a huge bind without them. So without further ado (or any adon't for that matter. Why does everyone forget about that?) I present to you Jimbo's Totally Awesome List of Totally Awesome Sidekicks of Awesomeness. Or Sumfin'. Look, titles aren't my thing.


Ron Weasley: Whoever wrote that meme did a better job of this than I probably could, but you have to mention the kid. The way he sacrificed himself in Wizard's Chess would have earned him a medal in any military on Earth. He's heroic and self-sacrificing. He eats a lot and can't always see the obvious, but that's no his job. Ron is sidekick excellence personified and he amazes me because of it.

Chewbacca: Oh, I'm going to take some for this one. But yes, Chewie was totally Han's sidekick. He went where Han said. He did what Han did. He handled the little stuff. I mean, he had a bigger gun and that's cool, but when push came to shove, he followed Han. He made no move to better himself, really. He was the main supporting character in Solo. This dude is a sidekick.


Robin: Yeah, this one's obvious, I know. I can't leave it off though. Listen, I started reading comics in like the first grade but even before that I was watching the 1960s Batman live action TV show. I wanted to be Robin with the big yellow cape and all of the cool toys to play with. I mean, seriously, who doesn't want a Batarang to throw at bullies? So, yeah. I mean, he got to live in a big house and run around in a cave. He got to ride in a car that blew literal fire out of the tailpipe. He got to solve crimes and kick butt. And oh yeah, he helped Batman too. This is kind of an ironic pick for me because I stopped watching DC movies after Batman and Robin came out (the “Holey Rusted Metal comment set me off and I'm not sure why) but, let's face it. Dick Grayson/Burt Ward for the win! Screw the movies, they sucked anyway.


Samwise Gamgee:

Frodo: No, Sam. I'm going alone.

Sam: I know, Mr. Frodo. And I'm coming with ya!

So it's been a minute since I've read the books or watched the movies and I probably borked the quote. I blame you for remembering it wrong. Obviously, being the all-seeing and all-knowing Jimbo, I would know better than you what was said. Or sumfin'. Maybe I'm just talking to hear my head rattle. I'll never tell.

Sam is Ron's only real competition for best sidekick EV-AR!! I really mean that. This guy went the distance when no one else could. He stood by his main character through everything. Frodo's mission was Sam's life's work. He put up with Gollum when he didn't have a choice. He fought giant spiders and did whatever was necessary. He even ate crap food without complaining (much) and he was a freaking hobbit. He sought no glory for himself, he worked only to help his friend in one of the hardest times of his life. Of course, I'd have been making missing finger jokes all the way home from Mount Doom and, from what I can tell, he never did that but nobody's perfect. So should Frodo give him a four out of five or a nine out of ten? (Give it a minute and you'll get it. Maybe.)

The Narrator in the Mikey Mason song (Not Quite) The Chosen One: He wasn't given a name in the song, but he will be named Tiberious in an upcoming novel. I can't wait to read this one, because I bet it's going to be awesome. At any rate, this guy finds directions, holds torches and cleans dragon shit off of treasure. I mean, seriously, listen to the song (I hear his music is free on bandcamp.com right now due to Covid 19) and laugh your hindquarters off. Seriously, this guy rocks.

Andy Keaton: Somewhere out there someone under thirty-five is staring at their screen confused right now. Listen, if you haven't seen Family Ties I'd imagine that it's got to be available for streaming somewhere. This kid used to crack me up. At five he could itemize big-brother Alex's decuctions for him. He went everywhere and idolized his big brother. This kid was so fun to watch. And no, that's not Science Fiction or Fantasy, but what the hey?

Screech: While my opinion of Dustin Diamond is a bit lower than what it probably should be considering the fact that I'm a Christian, the fact remains that Screech was what made the rest of the gang work. His comic relief was epic. He was the classic spaz. I miss this guy. And besides, as a nerdish type myself I couldn't help but identify with him.

Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

I fought with this one, but it's true. Inigo Montoya is a man's man with his own goals, yet he sets them aside to help his buddy Westley. Montoya ultimately does realize his own goal but only while assisting in the pursuit of Westley's. He's a monster swordsman. I feel it every time he yells “I want my father back you son-of-a-bitch because I lost my dad a long time ago. The circumstances were different but the feeling is the same. But hey, they all rescued Buttercup and Montoya helped make the movie interesting in spite of the acting of Andre the Giant.
So that's what I've got. Feel free to drop some of your favorites in the comments.

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My Dragon Awards Ballot

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I did my ballot on my phone. The pics above are actual screen caps. You can agree or disagree with how I voted, but you can't deny the fact that I was transparent with my votes.

So why did I vote how I voted?

I thought you'd never ask!

Best SF Novel: A Star Wheeled Sky by Brad Torgersen Awesome book. I feel bad about not reviewing it,but I only have so much time and I have to sleep sometime.

Best Fantasy Novel: House of Assassins by Larry Correia: One of a very few fantasy novels set outside of a pseudo-European setting and a whole lot of fun. Sorry I didn't review this one as well. I love Larry Correia, but I didn't really think he needed the help.

Best YA SF/F Novel: (or something similar. I cut off the title, but these are all YA books) I hadn't read any of them. I can't vote in a category where I haven't read any of them.

 Best Military Science Fiction or Fantasy Novel: Uncompromising Honor by David Weber I'm a little bitter here. Uncompromising Honor was my pick for Best SF novel. It should be in the bigger category. Having said as much, if it's the Best SF novel in my opinion, it's definitely better than any Mil SF titles I've read this year. See my review here.

Best Alternate History Novel: The World Asunder by Kacey Ezell This was my nominee. It's freaking awesome. It features a massively important part of history that is awesome ignored. It's entertaining as hell. It made me spit Mountain Dew all over my phone (I read it on Kindle). BUY THIS BOOK. READ THIS BOOK. VOTE FOR THIS BOOK. Do it all after you read my review though. It's posted here. 

Best Media Tie in Novel: The Replicant War by Chris Kennedy. Awesome book. I didn't realize that this was actually a media tie in, but whatever. It rocks.


Best Science Fiction/Fantasy Movie: Avengers: Endgame. The feels man, the feels!

Best Science Fiction or Fantasy PC/Console Game: World of Warcraft: Battle for Azeroth. I haven't been playing since my guild server shifted and I didn't have the money to follow, but this game is awesome, especially once you get past the fact that the pyramid the real players use as their home city (IE the Horde) is a pyramid that's hard to navigate.

Best Horror Novel: Zombie Airman by David Guenther: Lots of cool characters. Lots of good action scenes. I loved this book. See my review here.

Best Comic Book/Graphic Novel: I didn't vote Apparently, I need to get updated on my comics. Nothing I read this year was eligible for comics and the graphic novel I nominated didn't make the ballot. *SIGH* I'll get to work.

Best Science Fiction or Fantasy TV Series: Good Omens I haven't read the book, but something about an angel and a devil working together to bring about the apocalypse just tickles my fantasy. Crowley is an amazing character and Azriphael is a delightfully naive individual.

Best Science Fiction or Fantasy Board Game/Miniatures Game/Cell Phone App: (or something similar. I hacked off a title again.) I didn't vote. I didn't play any of these games.

I don't want to make one of the books that I voted for look bad, but I'll state here for the record that I'm bitter that one of my nominees, which was the best book in its category that I've ever read hands down, didn't make the ballot. If the author is out there reading this: I tried bro. I really did. Maybe next year?

*SIGH*

It happens. I should be used to it by now. I supposed I'll get over myself eventually.

So tell me what you think. What did I get right? What did I get wrong? Why are you throwing tomatoes at me? There is plenty of room for comments below.

OMG I'M EXCITED!!!!!!!

(Video courtesy of Youtube)

Did you watch that trailer? DID YOU WATCH THAT TRAILER!?!??!??!?!?!?!?!??!?!?! THE 'BUSTERS ARE BACK BABY!!!

Listen, I know I'm generally against remaking old stuff. I keep meaning to share my opinion on reboots and that day is coming, but this isn't a reboot. We're supposedly getting the original Ghostbusters cast, or at least part of it. This isn't some political correctness generated all female cast created to appease a feminist crowd. It's the guys who made it work the first time.

DUDE!!!

Listen, pretty much everything I know about this film is that it was announced yesterday and the trailer dropped today. That seriously completes the list. That's enough to get me going though.

I'll be honest. Storywise there's not a whole lot (as in nothing) that has been released. But watch it all the way through. Did you hear the proton packs activate? I heard the proton packs activate. Let me say that again: I HEARD THE PROTON PACKS ACTIVATE.

Note to people who do sequels or reboots/remakes of old movies: This is how you get your fans excited. You give them something they liked about the product you're reimagining. There's no need for fancy new touches and craziness. If you want to sell tickets (and my crystal ball says this movie will do well at the box office) give the fans what they want, instead of what you want to give them.

Seriously.

The Ghostbusters reboot flopped because it was made to please people with a political agenda instead of the people who loved the originals. That's why Wonder Woman succeeded. DC didn't get rid of what made  Wonder Woman who she was to all of her fans. They gave the fans what the fans wanted and they made phat bank. Movie studios are for-profit ventures right? Learn a lesson here, folks.

Do you hear my excitement about this? Can you feel me about to burst with excitement? If not I've failed and I'm embarrassed because I'm a better writer than that.

I'm no William Shakespeare. Hell, I'm not even a Larry Correia or a Declan Finn. But you have to have gotten that much out of this, right?

I, Jim McCoy, the guy who hates all of the remakes is nostalgic as all get out and can't wait to blow ALL OF THE MONEY on this movie. I don't even know what it's about. I mean, that's a barn so there's a good chance that at least part of the movie takes place in a rural area, but that's all I've got at this point. Here's the thing though: I would like to know more and I'm willing to lay down some hard earned coin to do it.

And if anyone with influence over this movie is listening, can we get a tacky hip-hop/R+B track for Ghostbusters 3 like we got for Ghostbusters 2? I want to find out about Vigo the master of evil everytime I hear that track, and I've got it on a Spotify playlist.

I've got to cut this short and head off to work. But just know that I'm as happy as a pig eating shit right now and I'm waiting impatiently for Summer 2020. Who's with me?

Some Ghostbusters related items are available for purchase at the links below:

Life:Science Fiction 100 Years of Great Movies

Sometimes when you're a cab driver working the midnight shift you make a pit stop at the local gas station at three in the morning. And sometimes you're a bit tired because it's three AM and you're eleven hours into a thirteen hour shift and dammit, you need something to keep you up in case you get a call. So you buy a really cool looking magazine and then...

Proceed to fall asleep with the magazine in your hand. It's three o'clock and you were already half asleep when you bought it. Whatever, it's all good. What that means, really is that you've got something to look at when you get to the laundromat a week later. And, if it's a cool magazine then it's worth the wait. Fortunately, this magazine was definitely worth the wait. Actually, it was double fortunate, because when I read it, I noticed a tag on the front cover that said “Display until 9/23/16.” Oops, I guess I was later than I initially realized. Whatever, I still enjoyed it.

The magazine in question is Life: Science Fiction 100 Years of Great Movies. It was a lot of fun. It was kind of like walking into a room with an old friend and talking about some of my favorite movies. All of the best ones are here. The best stuff that you grew up watching is in the magazine. This thing is full of classics. Godzilla (the original), Star Wars, Planet of the Apes, 2001: A Space Odyssey (not that I liked it, but it is a classic), The Martian. They're all here.

Now, I don't agree with all of the choices. I get including Star Trek. I don't get making it the 2009 edition. Avatar is in here. Seriously. Avatar? Why? I mean it wasn't all that good of a movie. It's not as bad as some people have said, but it's maybe a 3.5 out of 5 Annoying Blue Dudes. I mean, how did that land in here? Overall though, I really do appreciate the choices that they made and it's pretty much inevitable that I wasn't going to agree with them on everything.

This magazine is gorgeous. The cover is beautiful. The table of contents features the Millennium Falcon taking fire from a TIE Fighter. Every movie has a layout of big, awesome pictures. Someone put a lot of work into laying this out and it shows. OK, so maybe the Invasion of the Body Snatchers pictures were a little gross, but it's Invasion of the stinking Body Snatchers. They couldn't NOT look gross. It just wouldn't have worked that way. I have a feeling that some of the older pictures may have been digitally remastered. The 1953 War of the Worlds was never that clear. It was clearly improved. That's good though, because they kept the content of the picture and made it look better.

There is a lot of political commentary included in SF100GM. It's not overwhelming and some of it actually fits. Some of it I'm not so sure of. Specifically, they quote Jack Finney as saying he never wrote Invasion of the Body Snatchers to have a message... and then assign a message to it. Call me crazy, but I'm a bit more convinced by what the author says than by someone else's interpretation. That having been said, a lot of movies are influenced by cultural and political zeitgeist and most of it fits.

There is a story to go with each movie that is featured. In many cases (Star Wars, Star Trek, etc.) there is talk of the series of flicks that come after. It's weirdly awesome to see a story about the original Star Wars (before it was known as Episode IV) and seeing a picture of Rey and BB8 but it works. It seems appropriate to talk about each films legacy and, let's face it, sequels are part of that legacy. Without Star Wars, we don't get The Last Jedi. Without Back to the Future, we don't get Back to the Future II and III. It just makes sense. Oh, and we also get more of those gorgeous pictures that way. This makes me happy.

The work begins with an introduction. It's a good one. As Science Fiction fans, we all remember the first movies we saw in the genre. For me, there will never be anything to match sitting in a theater with my mother watching Return of the Jedi just a couple weeks after it's initial release. That was my first. What a lot of us forget though is that before we were born, even before the classics that so many of us watched on TV because they had been out long before we were born, there was the foundation. Le Voyage Dans le Lune was the first ever SF movie. It was released in 1902. Metropolis (nothing to do with Superman) was released in 1927 and had the biggest budget in movie history up to that point. (It's also the subject of a beautiful picture on the back cover of the magazine.) They don't spend a lot of time on it, but it's good information. A lot of fans will tell you that modern day SF is simply a recycling of old tropes. These old, old flicks are where those tropes come from. Would I read a thousand page book about them? Probably not. The fact remains that giving them a few pages in a magazine makes sense and is entertaining.

The magazine is further divided into sections entitled “The Age of Anxiety”, “A New Hope?” and “Reel to Reality.” Each includes a couple pages about the cultural background at the time. I like this a lot. Speaking as a man with a history degree, it's important to remember that the past is a foreign country. That may be more true now than ever before. I remember watching an episode of House. It featured a man coming out of a coma. He had been asleep for like two to three years, I believe. In the backseat of one of the doctor's cars, he found and Ipod and didn't know what it was. (Granted, it's an older episode, so they were still kind of new.) Technology had changed that much in only a couple of years. I'm still pretty young but I remember turntables and eight tracks. My parents had both. I owned a tape recorder. I owned a CD player. I even owned an .mp3 player, but who needs one of those anymore? I 've got a cell phone now.

Along with all of the technological changes come the cultural changes. Sixty years ago, McCarthyism was prevalent. People were investigated for communist leanings. In the here and now, you're more likely to be investigated for NOT being a Leftist. When the cultures change, the movies change and spending a page or two to set the stage for what comes next is the smart thing or two. Movies don't happen in a vacuum.

All in all, I really enjoyed this. Oh, and I got all my laundry done too, which is a plus. A trip down memory lane is good for the soul. My wa is very settled now. I had a blast.

Bottom Line: 4.75 out of 5 Classic Flicks

Life: Science Fiction 100 Years of Great Movies
Life, 2016

Life: Science Fiction 100 Years of Great Movies is available for purchase at the following link:

Warner Brothers Ready Player One

So I went to see Ready Player One today. Fans of my blog will remember that I recently reviewed the book. This time, it's the movie and I kind of have an odd reaction to it. I'm going to try to keep the spoilers to a minimum, but a lot of my reaction to the movie was based on where it differed from the book. Basically if you haven't read and seen both and you don't like spoilers...Uhhh.... I've done some other posts you might like, I guess. I'm not saying you're not welcome to read. Everyone is welcome here. I'm just saying you may not want to. Spoilers start in the next paragraph.

If Ready Player One were a standalone movie, it would have been freaking awesome. The 80s nostalgia was was again excellent, even if there wasn't as much of it. Then again, it's just not possible to fit as much into a movie as it is into a book. I get that. It was just kind of weird. Don't get me wrong. I really enjoyed this movie. It just felt like it was missing a lot of the background.

Actually, let me get this out of my system now. They changed A LOT of the book for this movie. A whole lot. A huge, quivering mass of lot was transformed from what it was in the book to what it became in the movie. I don't know if I can remember it all, but I'll try.

First off is the relationship between the characters. Somehow, Parzival, a lone gunter, ends up in a semi-alliance (not a clan, because "I don't clan up") in the first five minutes of the movie. In the book, Art3mis is a blogger that Parzival (he's our hero) has a thing for. At first she wants nothing to do with him. Then they meet and fall in love in the Oasis. They don't meet until the last couple of pages of the book though. In the movie, they're in each other's physical presence in meatspace for a good chunk of the movie. Daito and Sho work together for the whole book but Parzival doesn't know much about them until they get onto the scoreboard. In the movies they're all chilling on Planet Doom together at the beginning. Aech and Parzival do hangout throughout the book and the movie, so I guess that stays the same.

It's not just the relationships either, although that is probably the biggest thing. Stories are about characters. There are a lot of other differences as well. The wrong character infiltrates the IOI stronghold the wrong way. Odgen Morrow doesn't show up until the challenges are over. That's a major subplot that gets thrown to the wolves.  It drives me bonkers. Probably the biggest problem I have with the movie is what they've done, not to Wade Watts the human, but to Parzival the avatar.

In the book, Parzival is a broke-ass n00b. He has to hitch rides to low level planets to kill kobolds to make copper to try to level a little and get some coins. I really don't see how he could have paid for that Delorean. It really sucks to be him. He wouldn't last five seconds in player versus player combat in a place like Planet Doom. He's too weak and way too undergeared. For all of my WoW players out there (and others who will probably still get the reference) he's basically a level six toon in gear with no gear gifted from another toon and Planet Doom is a max-level battleground. Yeah, deadski. Game over man! Seriously. Parzival is the kind of toon that you would roll up on with your caster and kill with your staff because he wasn't worth the mana. But somehow he has a high enough level with good enough gear to go to Planet Doom to make money off the enemies he kills. The fact that he's able to level up his toon after getting the first key is a major thing in the book. The movie completely cuts it out.

Oh, did I say key? That is another huge change. In the book, the first key has been hidden for five years. No one knows where to go to get it. Parzival ditches his hangout time with Aech when he figures it out and heads to go get the first key. After he gets the first key, he has to solve the clue to the whereabouts of the first gate. He has to get to the first gate and solve the puzzle there before continuing and so on for the next two keys. In the movie everyone knows where to go to get the first key, it's just a matter of doing what needs to be done. Once Parzival gets the key, the gate appears in front of him. He puts the key in and that's it. Credit achieved. It takes a lot of the suspense out of the story. Ok, now I'm done whining.

Wow, I just realized that I totally nerd raged about a movie that I really freaking enjoyed. Sorry if I gave the wrong impression.

At any rate...

Viewed on its own terms, this really is a good movie. The plot moves. It's action packed. The characters are believable. I'm really getting into SF that goes back and forth between  the "real" world and the online universe. This is the type of thing that makes sense in a modern context. How much time do people in the here and now, Planet Earth, 2018 spend online? How much more time do gamers spend online? Dear lord, how much time have I spent gaming online? It just makes sense that this will continue into the future. I don't see it ever quite getting to the point that it gets to in Ready Player One but it could. With the appearance of Bitcoin, it even seems realistic that online currency would have real world value as well.

Ready Player One is visually gorgeous, except in the instance when it is intentionally ugly. I went and saw it in 3D (which I highly recommend if you can come up with an extra few bucks) and it was stunning. Seriously. Explosions, gunfire, magic, drones, mecha, it all looks wonderful. There is so much here and anything that is meant to be recognized is easy to recognize. Seriously, I saw the 1970s Batmobile, a Gundam, the Iron Giant, Mechagodzilla, you name it.

Not all of the graphics were licensed from other products either. The avatars in the movie were amazing. I-Rok was awesome. Sorrento looked sweet. Honestly, Parzival didn't but he wasn't supposed to. Being broke has its drawbacks after all. All in all though, the unique aspects of the story were amazing. I loved it.

The acting was good as well. When Wade finally got to kiss the girl I wanted to cheer for him. When Art3mis gets taken by IOI the freak out on her face looked real. If that was really Tye Sheridan in those last couple of chase scenes then that kid can take a sick bump.

All in all, this really was a good movie. Others have complained that it was too long but it needed this much time. There really wasn't anything they could have eliminated that wouldn't have made Ready Player One worse by its absence. One of my college professors used to have a saying about a story, "It needs to be like a woman's skirt, long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to keep things interesting." I think two hours and twenty minutes fits that description to a T. It just worked.

I may have been a bit harsh earlier as well. Although the movie does abandon many of the particulars of the book, it does retain a large part of the spirit of the book. This is still the story of a bunch of plucky freedom fighters trying to keep the corporation from taking over their playground. It still combines danger in the real world and the Oasis. It still holds your attention and won't let go. It's still a great story.

Bottom Line as a Stand Alone Movie: 4.75 out of 5 Easter Eggs
Bottom Line as a Translation of the Novel: 3.5 out of 5 Easter Eggs

Ready Player One
Warner Brothers Entertainment, 2018

Ready Player One is available for purchase the following links: