The Princess Bride: S. Morgenstern's Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure by William Goldman

Listen, it's not my fault. My history with The Princess Bride is composed of  a couple decades worth of WUUUUUUUV, TWUUUU WUUUUUV! and I never realized that there was an actual novel that went with the movie. I mean, obviously Fred Savage's grandpa read him the book in the movie, but I thought that was just a prop. I mean, I've spent more hours in bookstores than any sane person and I'd have noticed the thing at some point, right?

I mean, it's inconceivable that I could possibly not know about a The Princess Bride book if it existed. There was no chance that could get stuck in the Fire Swamp of ignorance of the existence that it would take to not know that there was a novel. Seriously, you couldn't have stopped me from getting one if I had known about it. I'd have all kinds of fun storming that castle. At least until a rodent of unusual size got to my bookshelf and ate my copy. Even then, I bet I could get my boy Miracle Max to bring my copy back to life so I could read it again.

And all of that makes sense until you realize that there actually was such a book and I didn't know about it. At that point I was all just like...

"My name is Jimbo McCoy. You killed my delusion. Prepare to buy!" Forunately for me, e-books aren't all that expensive and I won't need a wheelbarrow to carry it in.

Oh wait, you wanted an actual review and not just me acting like a bigger geek than normal?

As you wish.

Or not.

Suck it up, Buttercup.

Dude, put down the six-fingered sword and the iocaine powder. I'm getting there. I promise.

Although, all trash talk aside, it does occur to me that it has been far too long since I've watched the movie with my daughters, but I digress. 

Dude, reading this review must be like climbing the Cliffs of Insanity. 

Please don't go all Dread Pirate Roberts on me. I wouldn't like it if you mostly likely killed me in the morning.

Alright, alright. I'll say something meaningful about the book.

Dude...

The Princess Bride is the most meta book in the history of ever. There is so much here that got left out of the movie because it wouldn't fit, but like "Morgenstern" must have been the worst author in the history of ever. He mentioned a bunch of crap about the history of Guilder and Florin that would totally not work in an actual novel and Goldman is really snarky about it.

I mean, I know I'm putting on airs here and I haven't really earned the right to say this, but parts of The Princess Bride read like a review from Jimbo's Awesome SF/F Reviews. Seriously. Goldman has a similar whacky and zany sense of humor. Reading endless pages about the history of women's hats would suck, but reading Goldman's complaints about those pages is pure comedy gold. 

There is a lot more about Inigo Montoya's childhood and his relationship with his father in the book than there was in the movie. This is a good thing. The whole revenge angle takes on so much more importance when we know how close he was to his father, why his father was killed, and how humiliated Montoya was by his fathers murderer. This was good stuff that would have made the movie even better if they could have found a way to work it in. 

The Narrator of the novel, supposedly Goldman himself, is a source of great entertainment as well. The story goes that his father read the book to him as a kid and left lots of it out. That's where a lot of the meta stuff comes in. Now the Narrator wants his son to read the book and can't figure out why he won't. Then the Narrator picks the book up and finds out how bad it was..

Yeah, it doesn't sound like the kind of thing you'd want to re-write honestly, but he does and it's amazing. This strikes a chord with me personally because it reminds me a lot of the struggles I've had to get my kids to read the stuff I loved as a kid. I can't even get my oldest to read the stuff I love NOW and it can be a bit of a challenge to deal with mentally. It would be so awesome if they would, but..

Yeah.

Long story (overly) long this is the type of situation that I can identify with and I'm guessing a lot of you can as well.

Of course, all of our favorite characters are there; Westley, Buttercup, Fezzik, Inigo Montoya, Vizzini, etc. Not all of the lines were translated straight from the book though, and it's one of those things where you can end up disappointed not because something isn't entertaining, but because it's not quite the way you remembered it. That much is, I guess, inevitable as the movie writer, actor/actress, director and some other person that I forgot about probably all had a hand in rewriting the dialogue for the movie. It doesn't ruin it, but it is a little different and that took some getting used to. 

One suggestion I'm going to make is to skip the introductions to both the Thirtieth and Twenty-Fifth Anniversary Editions. They don't add a whole lot to the experience and they took a lot of time to get through. I was really surprised by this because I thought I was going to get something really awesome with these, but not so much. I've been more disappointed in my life, obviously, but I kind of wish I could have that time back.

Still and all I’m glad I read The Princess Bride. It was a lot of fun exploring something I had loved for a long time in a totally different setting. This was an experience I won't forget. That sounds weird, but it's true. If you haven't read the book, and especially if you're just finding out that it actually exists, I'd recommend reading it.

Bottom Line: 5.0 out of 5 Boring Intros

Kimber Grey's The Chosen One's Assistant: Never Meet Your Heroes

Before I even get started reviewing Kimber Grey's The Chosen One's Assistant: Never Meet Your Heroes, I would like to point out that, not only was it based on Mikey Mason's  (Not Quite) The Chosen One. His music is epic and I highly recommend listening to it either on Spotify or Bandcamp. I loved the track the first time I heard it and I love it still. 

The Chosen One's Assistant is every bit as good as the song except better. There is a lot here and that makes it more fun. As opposed to five minutes of music we get over three hundred pages of story. And it's a lot more of a developed story in the book. There's just more time for it. 

And time is something that Tiberius (that's our main character) and The Chosen One (Who has no name. He's just The Chosen One.) don't have as something seems to have gone wrong and is causing the appearance of vampire stoats in an few days away and we're not sure where they're coming from but this can't be good and we need to put a stop to this...

And Tiberius, who has only been Tiberius for a short while (his gave up his old name when he signed on to be the Chosen One's Assistant. Now he is Tiberius like all of the other assistants before him and all of the ones who will come after.) and he's still learning. And listen, there's a lot to this whole Tiberius thing. He's got to handle all of the chores and all of the healing, meet with people, pray a lot...

And there's no training period. He just has to learn everything all at once. With no real help, since the Chosen One is rather self centered and apparently not overly fond of breaking in a new Tiberius every two years. There is a bit of hostility there. 

It's awesome though, because it makes sense. There is a bit of drill sergeant to The Chosen One who doesn't always have time to screw around explaining things. He's a man of action. He kills things for a living. He makes good money doing it, as does Tiberius, but there is a lot to it.

Tiberius has a lot to do outside of cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. He's the one that's in charge of anything academic. He has to research the route to travel, research the threat once they get there, etc. He also has to meet with the townspeople to coordinate the big party when they get there and to figure out where to stay and whatever else. Tiberius works harder than I do and that's saying something. I respect this character. 

I respect the Chosen One too because, although he can be a bit arrogant at times, he is a true hero and he cares. He doesn't just face down threats for the glory or the loot. He does it to protect the people he serves. He does it because he is indeed the Chosen One and it is his duty.

He's also a goofball. There is some serious humor in this book and it comes from the Chosen One more or less wimping out. This is where the book is the most like the song, which was a comedy tune about how badly life sucked for the Chosen One's Assistant (he's not referred to as Tiberius in the song.) There's nothing here that you would have to read the book to get per se, but if you've listened to the song a few times (like I told you to earlier) then it goes from hilariously funny to "Oops, I think I dislocated a rib laughing at that one. Bonus points if you listen to the song after you read the book and realize all the stuff you missed the first time and start laughing all over again. 

The Chosen One is also a man of faith. Now, it's not a real world religion. Grey created a fantasy pantheon which she has done a fairly decent job of fleshing out and assigning roles to. There aren't a whole lot of interactions directly with gods, but I like what I see so far. I wouldn't mind seeing more about both the gods and their servants, but there are more books coming, so I guess I'll have to wait. 

But it's the actual exploration of faith in the book that has me hooked. Pretty much every fantasy universe has its pantheon. Most even have clerics or paladins. Very few (The Chosen One's Assistant and R.A. Salvatore's The Cleric Quintet are all that come to mind in High Fantasy. Declan Finn's St Tommy NYPD series is an urban fantasy that shows faith as well but that's about all that I've got in the world of Science Fiction and Fantasy literature.) that actually show acts of faith. Not just praying, but believing and trusting in the god you serve to see you through whatever it is that you're going through. There is strength in faith in the real world and for the Chosen One. Tiberius is working on his. I love the Chosen One's belief and his act of sharing it with others. That's not to say that this is a preachy book. It merely shows the champion and his faith and how he shares it with others to encourage them. Major Kira would be proud. 

There are some really awesome action sequences in the book, too. Tiberius isn't really up to snuff with all of this hand to hand combat stuff, but he's got balls. Big brass ones. I don't think I'd want to go into combat armed with the level of knowledge Tiberius has. I mean, it's good to have a dagger but it's better if you know how to use it properly. The Chosen One is, of course, a badass. Except when he's not. Nice foot guy. But, for the most part, the Chosen One can deliver a beatdown like few others. 

Grey's worldbuilding is first rate as well. She's got a good grasp of what is needed to make a fantasy town work and how trails worked in the Medieval world. She throws in just enough gut wrenching awful to make the totally awesome work even better and I like that about her. This is the first of her books that I've read, but it won't be the last. 

Bottom Line: 5.0 out of 5 Cramped Toes

The Chosen One's Assistant
Kimber Grey
Greywhisper Graphics Productions, 2022

The Chosen One's Assistant is available for purchase at the following link. If you click the link and buy literally anything from Amazon, I get a small percentage at no additional cost to you.

The Chosen One's Assistant

Columbia Pictures Ghostbusters: Afterlife

You guys! You guys! You guys! I heard the sound! I heard the sound!

If you're a Ghostbusters fan you know the sound. If you're not, GO WATCH SOME GHOSTBUSTERS SO YOU CAN HEAR THE SOUND!!!

And trust me, the amount of pure, unadulterated AWESOME contained in the sound will make it obvious what the sound is. I know you’re skeptical but it really is that cool. And when you point it out, you too can be known to your friends as ‘Captain Observo, King of the Obvious.’ I mean, it’s a hard earned title that comes with a massive amount of responsibility, but it’s worth it.

For those that missed it; I just got home from watching Ghostbusters: Afterlife.

So like, yeah totally awesome. But before I get to the awesome part (other than the unbelievably amazing sound of THE SOUND) I have a bone to pick with Columbia Pictures and it’s writing staff.

Listen guys, you had to have known that there were going to be a bunch of old dudes watching this flick for the nostalgia value alone. (See, this is how you get to be Captain Observo.) And listen, I have a lot of love for young ladies with glasses who love things like science and math. (If you don’t know, that describes both of my daughters. They are - being 100% serious - both in accelerated science and math classes and their daddy is so proud it hurts.) But DUDE - WHY IS THE SMART SCIENCY CHICK THE TWELVE YEAR OLD?!?!?!?!?!??!?!!?!? Or, I mean, maybe you could have made the junior high aged female smart and sciency AND made her mom the same way, because honestly, all of the former pimple faced freaks who went days without eating so that they could save up their lunch money to buy tickets to the first two movies would have LOVED a woman approaching their age that was, like, smart and stuff. Seriously, I’d compare nerdy girls to gold only I don’t want to insult nerdy girls like that. As far as a worthy compliment, sorry ladies. I got nothin’. You’re just that unbelievably awesome.

Why, yes I have been single for a long time. What brought that up?

*SIGH* Yes, Callie was a good character. I enjoyed her. I even get why she wasn’t written to be sciency. I’m just that guy sometimes.

And while we’re on the topic of girls:

I’m not telling you to kiss the pretty lady, brother. I’m just telling you that I went to high school with a guy who wouldn’t and we still dog him about it. In his forties. Your call.

Anyway…

So yeah, I enjoyed the movie. It wasn’t what I expected exactly, but that’s okay because it’s better than what I expected and people, I expected a lot.

There is a lot more to the latest installment in the Ghostbusters mythos than I thought there would be. The first two were popcorn movies. They were fun and engaging but somehow I missed just exactly how much lore there was. With something like Lord of the Rings  or any D&D related world, it’s all there and it’s obvious. Somehow, I learned it all without knowing I learned it all with Ghostbusters. To be fair, I haven’t seen the 2016 remake because the trailers were weak and everyone I know that saw the movie hated it. I therefore cannot comment on it directly.

I don’t do the thing where I remember who produced and directed every movie/TV show ever. That’s just not me. I’m thinking that whoever wrote Ghostbusters: Afterlife must have been related to Stranger Things somehow or is at least a fan, and I don’t say that just because Finn Wolfhard is in both. Seriously, this movie feels like Stranger Things on it’s best day only better. Kids in the lead, adults in support, kids get in trouble…

So much  fun. Ghostbusters: Afterlife is the movie to take your kid who doesn’t remember the original Ghostbusters movies too when you want to have a fandom to share with them. I can guarantee that any kid with an interest in geeky things will love this movie just as much as the old fart sitting next to them. And then you can be Mr(s). Sneakybutt and get the kid to watch the first two because they love the new one.

It’s got the feeling of the first two movies as well. Not only do we get to see some old friends, there might be an old enemy or two along for the ride, and possibly not in the way you, or at least I, anticipated.

They kept a lot of the old ghostbusting technology and you would think it would look outdated but the way they presented it makes it work. Like, I totally got behind the Eighties look of some of the props. Partially because I remember things that way but also because it works in the setting.

And about the setting: Most of Ghostbusters: Afterlife does not take place in the big city. I liked that about it. I’m a straight up city-boy who has spent his life thinking that driving fifteen minutes to get McDonalds was hardship, but I’ve also spent time in the country, riding in the back of pickups and heading out to the woods to get away from the old people. The feeling is right here. Writers, director, actors, they all get it. And if all this country flavored leads into something straight out of an epic fantasy novel, I’m with it. That was maybe the best part.

Any Ghostbusters fan knows that we lost Harold Ramis awhile back. If you’ve been paying attention to nerdish news and rumors it should come as no surprise that the Egon character that he played so well makes an appearance as a CGI construct. I don’t want to say too much here and spoil things, but let me say that Egon’s actions were in character, entertaining and necessary to the plot. If the CGI had a Star Wars feel to it, then that’s good too.

Seriously, if you haven’t seen Ghostbusters: Afterlife do so. Now. The script, the nostalgia, seeing our old heroes and the new generation all make this movie an instant favorite. You DO NOT want to miss it.

Bottom Line: 5.0 out of 5 Proton Packs (whiiiiiine)

Ghostbusters: Afterlife
Columbia Pictures, 2022

Links to Ghostbusters: Afterlife are listed below. If you click a link and buy literally anything from Amazon I get a small percentage at no cost to you.

RIP Gary Gygax

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Today marks the twelfth anniversary of the death of one of gaming's greats. Gary Gygax was the impetus for the creation of Dungeons and Dragons but he was more than that. An entire generation of geeks grew up on D&D. It's more than that though, too. Three (maybe four) generations of geeks have grown up with Role Playing Games in general, be it tabletop roleplaying games like yes, Dungeons and Dragons, but also GURPS, Heroes Unlimited, Shadowrun, Pathfinder, the Star Wars RPG (yes, George Lucas invented Star Wars but without D&D there's no RPG to go with it.) or the early platform RPGs like the  Final Fantasy franchise, Wizardry and the Phantasy Star franchise, and MMORPGs like  World of Warcraft, Everquest, City of Heroes, or Elder Scrolls Online. That all started with Dungeons and Dragons.  Every bit of it comes from a game that started in someone's basement.

It's more than just Role Playing Games though, too. The D&D legacy has helped build geek culture in ways that go far beyond gaming. The Lord of the Rings novels were published long before Dungeons and Dragons ever hit the shelves, but without the growth in the fantasy genre promoted in large part by D&D in the form of its players and fans. Willow, Dark Crystal and even The Princess Bride all owe a large debt to Gary Gygax and his game whether they realize it or not.

And, can you say card games? The original audience for Magic the Gathering was, yup you guessed it, RPG players. Yu-Gi-OH and Pokemon both descended in large part for MTG and are part of Gygax's legacy as well. Of course, when MTG first came out and a flurry of card games followed there was a D&D based one named Spellfire. It didn't catch on because it wasn't as cool as Magic (and I've played both) but it was there nonetheless.

Speaking of card games...

All of the fantasy card games have one thing in common: Art. Seriously. I've already reviewed Beholder. The fact remains that some of the best fantasy art over the last forty-plus(!) years was either created for Dungeons and Dragons or descends from it. I love fantasy art. When I was married and had a bigger budget I went to the local Ren-Faire and came home with new art every single year. I bought it at art fairs. I went to a local place that features local artists... and left disappointed. There wasn't any fantasy art. But pretty much any fantasy art (with the possible exception of Cthulu related stuff) descends from D&D art somehow.

Let's not forget comics. Not only have there been like elebenty bajillion different D&D titles but the parodies are excellent. Seriously, if you haven't checked out webcomics like Darths and Droids (I cast Summon Bigger Fish because I'm a Cheddar Monk) or Rusty and Company (I haven't reviewed Rusty and Company? Why haven't I reviewed Rusty and Company? This is a travesty. THIS WILL NOT STAND!!!!)

And guys.. The novels. Dragonlance, Forgotten Realms, Dark Sun, Ravenloft, Eberron, the other ones that I'm blanking on...

They're all based on Dungeons and Dragons settings. Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman are two of my favorite authors of all time. Their first book was Dragons of Autumn Twilight. R.A. Salvatore is another one of my favorite authors. He got his start writing in the Forgotten Realms. (And can we get a decent Drizzt Do'Urden movie PLEASE?!??!??!?!?!?!?!?) He was the editor of the Everquest line of novels as well and I already noted that EQ was a descendant of D&D and therefore Gygax.  (Does anyone know where I can get my hands on the old Spelljammer novels?)

There are, in my estimation, only three true giants in the field of Fantasy Fiction. The first is Tolkien who wrote Lord of the Rings and really created the modern fantasy genre. Before him, we had several ancient mythologies for fantasy stories and not much else. Since Tolkien, we've seen an explosion of Fantasy. Without Tolkein I don't think D&D would have taken off the way it did in the 1970s.  I certainly don't think it would still be here.

 Most recently, we have J.K Rowling. Harry Potter is something that has taken over the world. Of course, J.K. Rowling also pushed the Young Adult Genre to new heights and pretty much singlehandedly added the Young Adult sections to both the bookstore and the library and so she's a giant in other fields than JUST fantasy, but it all starts with a magic casting boy named Harry Potter. In a way though, probably the most impressive thing about Mrs. Rowling (whom I loves and respects) is that she is maybe the only fantasy author since 1977 who didn't draw on Dungeons and Dragons fandom at the beginning of her career. Most of the Harry Potter fans that have been there since the beginning were not old enough to have played D&D before they started reading HP. (Yes, I played D&D before I read Harry Potter. I was also in my late twenties when I read Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone. Oh, and there were four books out by then.) Geek culture is exploding in the United States right now, and a lot of the reason for that is a British woman who can write like a champion.

The last, but definitely not least, is  Gary Gygax. I've covered a lot of the reasons above. Yes, a lot of what he did was derived from Tolkien. The fact remains that he invented the modern Roleplaying Game. Gygax did every bit as much as for RPGs as Tolkien did for fantasy in general and J.K. Rowling did for the Young Adult genre. And do you know what else he did?

That's my daughter Riley at our gaming table.

Gygax and his game have brought people together and created friendships on a huge scale. A love of Dungeons and Dragons has created friendships and brought families together. When my then-wife was pregnant with my oldest daughter, I declared that I would one day play D&D with my kid. My ex thought I was crazy because “She won't be interested. She's a girl!” I just shook my head. One of the happiest days of my life was the first time my kid showed up at my gaming table and I got to present her with her first dice. I was a proud papa that day. There are millions of stories like mine. And we owe that to Gygax as well.

So rest in peace, Mr. Gygax. We miss you. I know you're somewhere banging out some natural 20s and steamrolling mobs. I'll see you when I get there.

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