Killing 2020 by Jim McCoy (sorta)

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 (If you don't get all of the references don't feel bad. I'm trying to get as many big fandoms in here, but there might be some more obscure ones mixed in. I'm not showing off. I belong to some smaller fandoms.) 

 

Admiral Adama stood up from behind his desk. "Colonel Tigh, set Condition One throughout the ship. Multiple Basestars are approaching." Adama turned his head. "Communications inform Captains Picard and Kirk to gather the Starfleet ships and rally at Cybertron. Use codeword 'Four Lights.' Optimus Prime and the Autobots will be waiting there for them. They have defeated the Decepticons and are available to deliver an ass-kicking." 

 

 A voice came from the back of the room. "Gorram, Admiral. I aim to misbehave. Where do you want me? " Adama nodded. "Captain Mal, you and Han Solo are needed to run the Imperial blockade. Retrieve the package from Arrakis. The Spice must flow. Leave Shepherd Book here. He and Father Mulcahy have other duties to attend to. We're going to need some major backup this time and they know where to get it." Adama looked thoughtful. "Get some salt to Sam and Dean. Drop it in the trunk of the Impala. They'll be useful as well." "

 

And what, precisely, are we fighting?" Adama spun around to see Minister of Magic Hermione Granger standing behind him. "Miss Granger! The target is the year 2020. It's at its weakest point and if we strike now we can end it. We're going to need to use some non-standard assets in this one. Contact all of your friends as well as Elminster, Raistlin and Melf. Tell them to hit hard with everything they've got. Some minute meteors in the right place can have a huge effect." 

 

"With all due respect, Admiral," Colonel Tigh's voice was harsh. "Those are more than just 'non-standard assets.' Their methods defy known science!" 

 

Adama lifted his glasses and pinched his nose. "You're right, so let's go with someone we can understand a bit better. Fire up the Hyperpulse Generator and contact Victor Davion, Jamie Wolf and Grayson Death Carlyle. Tell them to travel to Robinson to repel the Clan threat against the Draconis Combine. While you're at it, contact the Four Horsemen on Earth. Have Jim Cartwright gather up the troops and head into hyperspace to fight the.. uhh.. Things there." 

 

"Radiological warning!" 

 

Adama shrugged. "Admiral Harrington will deploy counter-missiles. Tell her to roll pods! The Grand Alliance will take care of this for us!" Adama's face distorted. Tigh screamed. The crew of the Battlestar Galactica began to panic as reality started to flicker. "That's it! We've done it! Voltron has broken through. 2020 is finished!" 

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!

Dan Parkinson's The Covenant of the Forge

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 When one accepts free books in exchange for reviews, the expectation is that they will read only those books and review them. I mean, I got it for free, right? And people have a right to expect that I'll hold up my end of the bargain. It makes sense on a purely logical level, right?

The problem being that I'm a human being and human beings aren't necessarily "purely logical." I wish I could be sometimes, but real life doesn't work that way. 

So, having gotten an Amazon gift card for Christmas, I decided to buy some comfort food for my brain. I picked up all three of the books from the Dragonlance Dwarven Nations Trilogy. I started with The Covenant of the Forge by Dan Parkinson because, well, it's the first book in the series. And it's definitely comforting. I was thinking that I had originally read it thirty years ago, but a quick Google search shows that it's only been twenty-seven years since it was published. I guess it was less than that.

Still though, I love this book. 

I'll be honest in stating that part of the reason I picked up these novels is because I'm writing a novel with a dwarf main character that starts in a dwarven town and I've been thinking about these books a lot. I'll also be honest in admitting that a lot of the genesis of my book (and it needs a better title than Dwarf Story, but I'm not so good at titles.) comes from the Dwarven Nations Trilogy. The concept of a dwarven society fascinates me and, if the society I'm creating looks different than this one, at least I won't get sued.  

Parkinson does a really good job of making dwarves people that aren't human (because DUH, they're dwarves) but still have recognizable and understandable motivations. The humans in the book aren't necessarily portrayed in a super positive manner, but that makes sense. Humans, to a dwarf's eyes, are short-lived and therefore in too big a rush for everything and kind of flighty. When viewed from a dwarf's eyes, some positive traits (to humans) don't look so positive. And if you've never been told to "look to the left side of your tools" well, it's a concept we could all benefit from and one that's easy to understand. It's also a concept I'd like to incorporate in my own work, but uhh...

Yeah, not sure how I can manage to mention this one and not get sued. Seriously. I don't have the right kind of file to eliminate the serial numbers on this axiom, but it's so useful and so intelligent..

Yeah, it's dwarven and I'M WRITING ABOUT DWARVES!

AHHHH!!!!

But the thing is that these dwarves are not alien to the point where we can't identify with them. They love. They hate. They marry. They have children. They're people just like you and I only they're different. They're not monolithic though, and that makes sense as well. Handil the Drum is a musician. He plays the Call to Balladine, the opening of the autumn trade festival. He ends up as a major hero. Cale Greeneye reminds many dwarves of an elf. Colin Stonetooth leads the Calnar clan with honor and distinction.. for awhile.

 And I guess that's what interests me more than anything: These are characters I care about. When a child is born at a moment that is precisely perfect and terrible (read the book, you'll get it) you want to cheer for the new father as he runs pell mell to where his wife is giving birth. When your hero, and the guy you figured would end up running things dies heroically it hurts, but you're proud of him for doing the right thing even if it ends badly for him personally. He honestly kind of reminds me of a dude named Sturm Brightblade in the Dragonlance Chronicles and that's saying a lot. If you're not familiar with the Chronicles you need to be. You should read them right after you read the Dwarven Nations Trilogy. Of course, Sturm was human, but no one is perfect I suppose...

The Covenant of the Forge has a little bit of everything. There is some extremely light romance. There is some combat. There is politics and scheming. There are loyal followers and treacherous enemies. There are even treacherous allies. You won't find anything missing from your favorite fantasy works, with the possible exception of horror. The Covenant of the Forge is not Ravenloft, even if Ravenloft  does feature a death knight from Krynn, which is the planet Covenant takes place on.

It doesn't need to be though. And the Dwarven Nations Trilogy takes place before the Cataclysm and Soth's descent into Death Knighthood anyway...

Err.. Nevermind. Nerd moment. Those happen.

The point is that this is a damn fine book and an awesome series. Looking back over twenty-five years after I read Covenant for the first time, I find myself amazed that it starts off as quickly as it does. I guess I didn't think about it at the time, but trilogies, and longer series, often start off pretty slowly. Not so much here. Don't get me wrong. There is a lot of worldbuilding that takes place, but it's so well done that I didn't really notice that it was happening. I just kind of understood things and moved on. There's no navel gazing, and no long winded explanations of things. Parkinson somehow managed to get what needs to be there stuffed in without making it feel like a chore to wade through it. 

I... will... not...

Who am I kidding? Of course I will.

Remember that feeling you got when you were a kid and you saw Star Wars for the first time? Remember how cool it was? Do you know how frustrating it can be to watch the prequels and the sequels because they don't make you feel the same way?

Yeah, I hate it too.

The thing is that I got that feeling reading The Covenant of the Forge again. I love these books for a reason. Read them. You will too.

Bottom Line: 5.0 out of 5 Vibrar Drums

The Covenant of the Forge
Dan Parkinson
Wizards of the Coast, 2012 (current edition)
TSR, 1993 (original edition)

The Covenant of the Forge is available for purchase at the following link. If you click the link and buy literally anything from Amazon, I get a small percentage at no additional cost to you.

 

 

T.S. Ransdell's The Last Marine: Books One and Two

Listen, I'm a fan of Science Fiction and Fantasy. I've been an SF fan since my dad sat me down in front of a TV with Star Trek on it. Science Fiction literature had to wait a few years, because I hadn't learned to read by the age of three days.

*SIGH*

It's a failing on my part I know, but can't you cut your boy some slack?

 With fantasy, it started a little later when I first saw the animated version of The Hobbit in like first or second grade. Not my fault that time, I hadn't been exposed.

Anyway...

As a fan, there are some universes you'd love to live in. Star Trek comes to mind, although I would perhaps prefer a place not up against one of the Neutral Zones. There is no such thing as a Harry Potter fan who doesn't want to attend Hogwarts. I'm not convinced that Westeros would be my favorite place, but Valdemar just might. I don't trust Jayne, but I'd love to work for Captain Mal. And, let's face it, I'd run spice with Han and Chewie if I thought I'd make enough to make it worth my while.

But when it comes to the universe that T.S. Ransdell created for his series The Last Marine I think I'll stay home if given the choice. If. Given. The. Choice. The problem being that I may not be. See, the United States of The Last Marine is a wokesters paradise. In other words, it's a Communist Hell.

The society of The Last Marine is divided into Elites (people who have the right politics and express them in ways that benefit the Democrat Party) and everyone else. The Elites get the best food, the best drinks, the best seats on a plane...

You get the idea. It's remarkably close to the Marxist society of the Soviet Union, where the average worker got a tiny apartment and Josef Stalin got five dachas and a chauffeur driven limo because SOLIDARITY COMRADE!!!

Yeah, it's scary because it's so close to coming true.

Of course, we didn't just happen to get there by accident and Ransdell's world-building is amazing.

Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. I hate it when I do that...

The story starts out with a young reporter trying to make something of himself. His name is Joel Levine and he has a mission: He is to interview the last known living member of the United States Marine Corps, one Sean Harris, and show the citizens of the United States, indeed the entire human race, what a bunch of violent, misogynistic, homophobic, racist baby killers the Marines were. 

And yeah, I know I don't do spoilers but this all comes out in the first chapter so it's not reeeeeeallly a spoiler right?

*WINK*

Most of the two novels are told by use of the flashback technique, following Harris's real world experiences through a war and his return home, which was not all that he could have hoped for. There are reasons for that which I don't want to spoil, so let's just say that it ain't pretty if you're a returning GI. I feel bad for these dudes and I'm not really the empathetic type if you wanna know the truth.

 Ransdell's use of the flashback, and corresponding occasional return to the present, is amazingly effective. It's like watching someone's memories in the Pensieve, ala Harry Potter, and then being able to discuss what you've just seen with that same person. He makes you feel like you were there. Harris has been through a lot, having experienced war and all its horrors first hand on top of a rotten homecoming. It's seamless.There were times when I almost forgot that I was reading a book and felt like I was sitting there WITH Harris and Levine. Spellbinding sounds like a good term. I'll go with that. It was spellbinding.

I've taken a look at Ransdell's Amazon biography and it says that he teaches, or possibly taught, history. I'm guessing this guy has studied the time period around the Vietnam War because what he's got here rings true and is reminiscent of accounts I've read written by Vietnam vets. The Last Marine has spots that are enough to make me a bit uncomfortable, so if you lived that mess go in prepared. Oh, and while we're list bona fides, let me mention that Ransdell's Amazon page states that he is a Marine and a veteran of Desert Shield/Storm. This is some slimy civilian who doesn't know what he's talking about. He was infantry and it sounds like he's been there and done that. He gets it right. 

I'll admit that I find myself wondering if Ransdell wrote The Last Marine, at least partially, out of a desire to be the guy who got to interview the vet. Seriously, I have a degree in history myself (albeit only a BA) and I've always wanted to conduct this type of an interview with a vet: Just me and him and his stories about the war. No historian wouldn't recognize the impulse, although many would interview someone from a different occupation, but still: The people who were there are the greatest primary source and Levine gets access to the last one. I find myself a bit jealous of a person that doesn't exist. I suppose I'll get over it. 

I do have one complaint about the works and it's why I decided to review both books together instead of only reviewing one: The first book doesn't really have an ending. I don't mean it ends on a cliff hanger. I mean just cuts off. It was kind of like watching a VHS and having the VCR eat the tape halfway through the movie. It really threw me. In a way, I guess that's a good thing. I didn't know I was at the end of the book and I wanted more, but it really jarred me. That much having been said, it didn't jar me hard enough to make me not want to read the next book. As a matter of fact, thanks to the magic of the internet, I got the Book Two seconds after I had completed Book One. I couldn't wait. That's a good thing in and of itself. But seriously, when you download the first one, download the second one too. It'll be worth your time and you'll be glad you saved yourself the trouble of having to pause in between. Except that there's a sequel on the way and you'll have to pause for that, because it's not out yet.

Bottom Line:  4.75 out of 5 Scarred Faces

The Last Marine: Book One
T.S. Ransdell
Self Published, 2016

The Last Marine: Book Two
T.S. Ransdell
Self Published, 2019

Both books from The Last Marine can be purchased at the following links. If you click the link and buy literally anything from Amazon, I get a small percentage of your purchase at no additional cost to you.

L.S. King's Sword's Edge

 

 I love Sciencie Fiction. I love Fantasy. I've seen Star Wars, with its setting that is primarily SF (Lightsabers, FTL Travel, Aliens, Giant Space Stations, etc) but partially Fantasy (The Force) but L.S. King has done the opposite in Sword's Edge (Sword's Edge Chronicles, Book One).  She's created a setting that is primarily Fantasy (Rangers, Psychic Powers, Nobility, etc.) and partially SF. (Nope, not saying why. Read the book.)  So I guess, in a way, it's reverse Star Wars, except that it takes place on one planet. Then again, that makes it even more reverse Star Wars, right?

So yes, the setting does a lot for the story. Sword's Edge is a book that works based on the world where it's at as much as it does on its characters. (More on that in a minute.) The politics of the world move the story, as does the science fiction aspect of it, which we really don't get all that good a glimpse of at first. We're kept guessing for quite awhile as to certain aspects and I like that about it. We get hints here and hints there, but nothing concrete for quite awhile. And, getting back to the politics, they're complicate, convoluted and corrupt. There are only two political figures in the entire work that read as not evil and treacherous but that's necessary to the plot and makes a lot of sense given the internal logic of the book. 

Our main character is a girl named Tamissa, Tam for short. Tam is a young girl who has been raised in seclusion by her father. She is a member of the Ranger clan, which is responsible for both police and military duties in the Lairdom, but was brought up believing that she had no family. She belongs to the Clan but knows nothing of it. In short, King seems to have used a technique very similar to one used by a certain Mrs. Rowling: Her character is accepted as a member of the society she is in, so we can see her functioning within it, but she views it the way an outsider would. Another apt comparison would probably be Data. Everyone seems to know how to fit in, but her.

This leads Tam to be a bit naive about some things, even for a girl in her early teens. This can cause a bit of consternation among those of us who were born into a more egalitarian age. Tam knows nothing of romantic love and less of sex. She has no real concept of marriage. She can't even recognize her society's version of a wedding ring for what it is. She has no idea why women fear men, since she had no fear of her father and no interactions with any other man. But the thing is, she is actually an extremely intelligent young lady. She learns quickly, but has had no context. 

That's not to say that Valdor didn't teach his daughter anything: She can read. She can write. She can grow a garden, hunt and cook the proceeds from both endeavors. She knows uses of spices and herbs both medicinal and nutritional. She can make a poultice to cure a wound and identify plants that are harmful.  There's got to be something else, too. I feel like I'm missing something...

Oh yeah. Tam can fight. Tam will kick your scrawny (or fat, well proportioned, heavily muscled, etc) ass barehanded and won't feel bad about it. In the Rangers, they call it matching and it's basically like Mixed Martial Arts (watch the backfist bro, trust me) except less formalized. She also seems to know quite a bit about swordplay and archery to go with a working knowledge of tracking. In short, she's every bit as tough as any man in the book, but it gets more complicated from there.

King has done her research well. Sword's Edge features a type of reality that everyone else misses: Tam suffers the mental consequences of succeeding in battle. Here in the real world, Planet Earth, circa the last probably hundred and ten years at least, the leading cause of Post-traumatic Stress Disorder among combat veterans is that they were forced to kill. Having studied history (and I got one of them fancy pieces of paper what has my name and the words "Bachelor of Arts in History" written on it) I can attest that everything I've read agrees to that fact, but most authors and play/screenwriters ignore that fact. It makes me a little batty sometimes watching a hero make his first kill and walk away like nothing happened. The act of killing effects people. Kudos to king for looking the real world in the eye and not backing down. Other authors would do well to follow her example.

That's not to call Sword's Edge overly maudlin. The plot moves quickly. Points of view bounce around at times and we see things when we need to. The fight scenes actually gave me a burst of adrenaline at points. There is no navel gazing. There's no time for it. Tam is hard-core and even when she is relaxing it seems that there's always a prankster around to keep it interesting. Somehow, she makes it through the novel without developing a love interest even though I had two separate dudes picked out at her at different points in the novel.

The only weird part of Sword's Edge was that it didn't end when I thought it would. I was reading it on an app called FB Reader. Page numbers appear in the lower right corner of the screen and often don't match up with Kindle or print page numbers. When I got to what I thought was the end is still had fiftiesh (I think) pages left. What followed was both fun and interesting and ended up with me being very frustrated with my dispatcher at work (Seriously, if the whole day sucks and I'm not making anything don't interrupt me just when the weird stuff starts. It makes me cranky.) but in some ways it felt like it was more set up for the rest of the series than it was part of the story I was reading. Then again, it must have been a good ending because I've already snagged a copy of the omnibus edition containing not only Sword's Edge but also the sequels Children of the Enaisi and Laws and Prophecies. Maybe if you're lucky, I'll let you know what I think about those too.

Bottom Line: 4.75 out of 5 Bells and Stars

Sword's Edge 
L.S.King
2014, Self Published

Sword's Edge and the Sword's Edge Chronicles Omnibus are available for purchase at the following link. If you click the link and then buy literally anything from Amazon I get a small percentage at no additional cost to you.

RIP Alex Trebek

“I'll take Nerd Knowledge for $200 please” 

“The long time host of Jeopardy, he was adored by millions before losing his battle to cancer on November 8, 2020.” 

“Who was Alex Trebek?” 

Was there ever an easier question? Ya know, it's weird. When I talk about entertainment and the influences I've had I always think of Trek, Wars, Harry Turtledove, many Baen authors, etc. If I really stop and think about it (and I try not to. My mama always said that thinkin' gets you in trouble.) the three entertainers I've watched the most over the years are Pat Sajak, Vanna White, and Alex Trebec. 

As a kid growing up, if I wasn't out of the house working (I got my first job at fourteen) or at band rehearsals/performances or chasing some young lady around, etc. I was in front of my TV at seven PM and wouldn't move for an hour, because it was Wheel of and Jeopardy time. Once I wasted all of my money buying vowels, it was time to win them all back questioning answers. Some nights I owned. Some nights, I'd have been better off reading a book in my bedroom. I always had fun though. 

Jeopardy was always an awesome show, but it was also kind of weird. There have been soap operas since before there was a Jimbo. Sports have been extremely popular on both TV and radio for decades as well. Game shows have been popular basically forever as well, but... Well... The Dating Game (or the 90's equivalent Studs) and the Newlywed Game covered romance, which a lot of geekish types aren't all that comfortable with or good at. Producers of The Price is Right have admitted publicly for decades that that pick people for their enthusiasm standing in line. Screaming “Big money, no Whammies, STOP!” doesn't exactly require a nerdish IQ, although there were some very intelligent players. Even solving words on Wheel of Fortune was never really all that hard. 

But Jeopardy...  

Ah, Jeopardy. 

For Jeopardy, you have to pass a test just to get an audition. Then you have to pass the audition by proving that you can answer the questions under pressure. You can't fake your way through something like that. Anyone who has been on Jeopardy as a contestant (other than some of the celebrities) is one of ours. They're geeks, They're nerds. They're tribe. And listen, I love Pat Sajak. I had one of my earliest celebrity crushes on Vanna White. I used to go to my buddies house during my lunch hour at school to watch Bob Barker. I love Drew Carey. (I even read Dirty Jokes and Beer) Chuck Woolery is welcome to stop by any time he wants. Steve Harvey is my guy. But Alex Trebek... Alex Trebec was one of us. He was the guy who had the questions that only we could answer. 

Anyone can look at “E-T MY S - - -R T S” and know that the answer is “Eat my shorts” but how many people can give you five different “Q Foods”? Most of the guys on The Dating Game couldn't answer the question “What would we do on a date?” when they knew it was coming. Yes, your eighteen year old kid can listen to a bunch of other people bid big numbers and decide to bid a dollar, but can they regurgitate the principles of fiction in question form before the other competitors can? (And yes, I've seen questions that stumped the competitors. I always get a chuckle and remember that I'm not alone in not having all the answers.) 

I was at a con once (CONfusion in Dearborn, Michigan) and one of the panelists -I want to say it was Brandon Sanderson – made a statement to the effect that “We're nerds. We like to be experts on things.” He was right. If you can run five straight in a Jeopardy category you are an expert in that subject. Sports fans like to point to statistics to argue over who the best athlete in a given sport/at a given position were. I am here to tell you that, short of an amazing academic CV or appearing on a documentary there is no way to get better nerd cred than to say “I won an episode of Jeopardy.” We don't really care so much about total money, just the fact that you've done it. Honestly. Especially since in my case I've met more NBA Championship winners (Rick Mahorn and Tayshaun Prince) than I have Jeopardy winners (none). 

If there is a nerd heaven – and Dear Lord, I hope there is – it's going to be Alex Trebec standing at the gate. There is going to be a trivia question to get in. Don't worry, he'll know your areas of expertise, but he's still not going to let you in until you get it right and answer in question form. And when he lets you in, he'll be smiling while you hum the Jeopardy theme song. Or whistle it. I'll probably whistle the thing, but whatever works, right? The important part is just to enjoy the ride. That's what Jeopardy was really all about. People enjoying watching other people compete in an arena that many of us felt more comfortable in than we ever could on an athletic field. Prime time television will never be the same. Even though Jeopardy will continue, we've lost an icon. People my age, especially nerdish types like myself, my age have lost yet another piece of our childhood. Life will go on as it always does, but we'll still remember him. So Rest in Peace Mr. Trebek. Your fans will miss you. At least know that you were one of my two favorite Canadians. (The other one being the shooter bar girl at Jokers back in the day. I wonder if she's single...) I'll catch you on the flip side. Save a spot for me. I'll be the guy making dad jokes and sporting an Honorverse cosplay with Spock ears. I know where you'll be. A: It's former Jeopardy host Alex Trebec's natural habitat. Q: What is behind the podium? See you there, brother. 

G. Scott Huggins's All Things Huge and Hideous

 

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Sometimes you need a break from the norm.

Sometimes it can be fun to laugh when you would ordinarily be enthralled.

Sometimes you can be enthralled WHILE you're laughing.

Sometimes an author can knock it out of the park with their first novel.

Sometimes you wanna go...

Err...

Never mind that last one.

Listen folks, I just finished All Things Huge and Hideous by G. Scott Hutchins and I loved it. It's not the worlds serious fiction, but that's okay. I liked that about it. I have to admit that I never came up with the idea to ____ __ a ______ from the ______ (spoilers redacted) but that someone else did it flat out made my day. If it got him into a bit of trouble, well, better him than me and like he fixed the problem afterward...

Sort of.

Anyway, it was funny. Oh, speaking of funny...

WARNING WARNING WARNING

I love humorous novels. I love music by Weird Al Yankovic. However...

DO NOT MIX ALL THINGS HUGE AND HIDEOUS WITH WEIRD AL.

I damn near sprained a rib. Someone needs to inform Mr. Huggins that in the United States we have a prohibition against cruel and unusual punishment and that forcing another human being to dislocate a bone simply because he read your book is a serious violation of it! I'm gonna...

Uhh...

I'm gonna...

Well...

I'm gonna read your next one when it comes out now and it's all your fault. That somehow seems an inadequate punishment but he's earned it so, uh...

Yeah, I dunno either. I guess I'll live.

Seriously, this a book for people who don't take their fantasy too seriously. I mean, there are some of the usual tropes here to be sure, but not everything fits into a typical fantasy setting but that's what makes it fun. Really. You know what's funnier than having a pet basilisk? Trying to keep it healthy on a blood only diet. Yup, totally happens. Of course, finding an alternate use for a medusa is fun too...

Listen, this is some good stuff. I've needed a laugh lately and this provided it. Don't get me wrong though. There's plenty of good stuff here. The political intrigue is as entertaining as anything I've seen elsewhere and more immediate in its consequences. Yeah, when the leader of the world is the Dark Lord and he has this weird case of caps lock disease and a bad attitude to go with the power of life and death over pretty much everybody...

Yeah, it's intense. 

But there is just something about a veterinarian in a fantasy setting that kills me. What makes it better is that Huggins has found a way to take full advantage of the situation and make everything that much better. I don't want to spoil too much (and I've give up a few already) but watch for the situation with the Ring of Invisibility. James, the main character and also my namesake, finds an interesting way out of it, even if it's not one I'd have thought of. And it's REALLY funny. Come to think of it, the dragon thing? Yeah, awesome.

Of course, only in All Things Huge and Hideous could you have a school of Witchcraft (but no wizardry) that discriminates against humans and kicks students out because they're not pretty enough. I mean, scarred and ugly USED to be the thing, but sorry chick you're not in fashion anymore. We need statuesque witches and you're expelled, but you already know everything, but it hasn't been tested and you can just go wait tables in a tavern that caters to orcs and goblins for all we care. 

Yup, totally happens. Then Harriet the almost-witch ends up as an assistant to a veterinarian that deals in monsters. It can't get much worse than that right? Well, yeah. Kind of. I mean, what if the veterinarian gets eaten by something? Or petrified by something? Or something else weird? Or what if...

Nevermind that's a spoiler. But trust me, I wouldn't want it to happen to me. I'm pretty sure you'd think it would be well below average if it happened to you as well. But yeah, it happened and it sucks and it took skill, pluck and fire to fix it. Of course, fans of Larry Correia's Monster Hunter International know that the best solution to killing pretty much anything is to kill it with fire. Although, I have to admit that I wouldn't have thought about kill THAT with fire...

But what do you I know? I'm just a guy with too much time on his hands, a loud mouth and a keyboard. Oh, and a bit of a headache, but that's go nothing to do with anything.

Well, probably.

So yeah, the Dark Lord is not a very nice guy, his council members are stinkin' meanies, his Beast Master seriously needs an attitude adjustment, there is never enough money, the average person hates humans and well, that's where our very human hero and heroine find themselves. It's not a fun place for the characters but the shenanigans they get into are fun for us to watch.

The villains in the book are not Saturday morning cartoon types, but they're not supervillains either. James has to use every bit of his wit and cunning to, well...

Not defeat them exactly but at least keep them one step ahead. Maybe it's more like not falling too far behind. At any rate, All Things Huge and Hideous is, as much as anything a story of survival, and I think that's what makes it work more than anything. Yes, goofy things happen and weirdness abounds, but at the end of the day we can't help but root for the plucky little hero James who is really just trying to keep the bills paid and not get himself tortured to death slowly. Maybe that's what makes All Things Huge and Hideous work. I'm all for a good Chosen One story if it's out there. Lord knows I love Harry Potter. But sometimes it's can be awesome to read about a guy like me, who is just trying to survive and keep moving.

Bottom Line: 4.75 out of 5 Ten Centimeter Dragon Scalpels

All Things Huge and Hideous
H. Scott Huggins
Self Published, 2019

All Things Huge and Hideous is available for purchase at the following link. If you click it and buy literally anything from Amazon, I will get a small percentage at no cost to you.

RIP Terry Goodkind

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Once upon a time I went to visit my Aunt Janice and Uncle Bob, accompanied by my ex-wife,who may have still been my girlfriend at the time as I'm a bit hazy on the exact date of the trip. We talked. We ate. Aunt Janice's main courses and desserts were awesome. I was always a bit more cautious about her side dishes. And, as it usually did when I got together with Aunt Jancie, the subject of reading and books came up. She jumped up talking about a library book sale she had been to. She had some books that weren't for her (she was mainly a romance reader) and wanted to know if I wanted them. I pulled them out of the bag they were in and looked at them. On the spines the words "Terry Goodkind" were written. At the time, I had never heard of the guy, but I figured "Why not?" The blurbs had a fantasy feel to them, so I thought I'd check them out. 

That was a good decision. Goodkind's fantasy world was well realized. His characters lived and breathed. I was carried away to a world where magic was real and so were its practitioners. It was a world where not everything was as it seemed. D'hara was a world that looked to the ancients as a source of power and to the future and what could be.

Some of my friends would refer to Terry's writing as "competency porn." Richard Cypher (later Rahl) the woodsman and main character knew how to do a lot for himself. He never threw his hands up and walked away from a project if he could find a way to make things work, and he usually could. Kahlan Amnell was a woman of extreme talent and iron will who did what needed to be done regardless of what it cost her. She was the kind of woman every man wanted for the most part. I mean that whole thing where she could straight up destroy your mind and make you accept her most horrible command as your deepest wish was a little bit terrifying, but hey, what woman doesn't have some kind of drawback somehow?

 And the villains, were evilly evil persons who were evil. Or at least they seemed that way, up until they didn't anymore. It turns out that sometimes someone is something other than what we don't like about them. That's a lesson that today's society would do well to learn. Of course there are, and always will be, legitimately horrible people and Goodkind made it clear to all of us that there were some people in his world that were flat out beyond redemption. He showed us what to do with those people and how to do it.

 As a matter of fact, the first book in the Sword of Truth series was Wizard's First Rule," and it's an important one to remember. "People are stupid. They will believe anything they want to be true or fear to be true." That's another one to hold on to in today's society. I won't go into specifics, but there is a lot of this going around.

Goodkind was a modern day philosopher. His Wizards Rules (of which there are ten if you count "The Unwritten Rule. I'm not such a fan of that one, myself) are good rules for life. They're not hard and fast rules about how to conduct oneself as much as they are a framework for critical thinking. Goodkind portrayed the world not in terms of moral absolutes but as a place where one must think for himself. He portrayed his characters as individuals struggling to make the world a better place. He clearly makes a case for individual rights in his books without being preachy about it.

It was a few years and a divorce later when the girl I was dating at the time introduced me to Legend of the Seeker. I loved the show but it just wasn't the same. I'm guessing that Mr. Goodkind was the only one who could deliver his world the way he envisioned it. That's not meant as a knock to the show runners. They did a fine job, they just weren't Terry Goodkind.

The world lost Terry Goodkind today. We lost a man who could write things that were not only entertaining but also had a purpose. A man who believed that one person can make a difference and who held his beliefs up for all the world to see. A man who created a world we could all get lost in. A man who held many of us enthralled. A man who sold twenty-five million novels not because of who he was but because of how well he could write.

It's a sad day, but I'm sure if Terry were here he'd view it as what it is: An inevitability. Being alive is, after all, a fatal condition. It was actually a heart condition that did him in, but the empirical data all points to the fact that no one lives forever. He didn't. My Aunt Janice, who introduced me to the series, passed on over a decade ago. That's hard to believe, but it's true. But Goodkind was, at his heart, a man who showed us all how to evaluate facts for ourselves and the facts are in: We've lost him.

 So Rest in Peace, Terry Goodkind. May your sleep be slow and unencumber by ties to the world that you have left. May your family take comfort in the fact that you managed to touch the loves of so many others while you were here. There are few who can say as much. May your family, and your fans, also take comfort that you have earned the Author's Immortality: Although your body has failed you, your words remain and you can continue to touch the lives of others.

There is a story that goes around in my family about an answering machine tape. When one of my great-aunts passed another of my great aunts (and there are approximately a million of them) called her answering machine to hear her voice so many times that someone eventually recorded the voicemail message and gave it to her. What we're looking at here is an analaguous situation. Terry is gone, but his voice can still be heard in his books. He won't be forgotten.

The first book in the Sword of Truth series is available for purchase at the link below:

M. Helbig's Team Newb: Sun and Shadow Online

Word to Mr. Helbig: Far be it from me to correct an awesome author such as yourself, and believe me your novel Team Newb, Sun and Shadow Online, makes me believe that you're an awesome author or, since this is the first of your works that I've read, at the very least an author who wrote an awesome book, but BRO...

 It's not Newb, it's N00b, and those aren't the letter "O" they're zeroes to show the whole wide world just how much value a n00b has.

 *SIGH*

 Ah well. I guess I'll get over it, because this was a REALLY good book. 

So what's got me so excited?

Usually when I read a LitRPG, the main character starts out with at least an idea of what the problem is and an idea of how the game works. Not so much this time. Our hero, Lucas, isn't even planning on entering a game. He starts out the book trying to get away from a game that his father designed (the titular Sun and Shadow Online) and then things take a turn for the dark side and he has no choice.

I like this main character though. He's got a high degree of mental toughness and enough brains to think himself through a problem. He doesn't give up even when all seems to be lost. He learns the game quickly (for a n00b) and levels somewhat quickly-ish. I mean, I feel like I probably could have out-leveled him playing WoW, but I've been playing for close to a decade and I know the game. I've played both sides and I know the starting areas and quests really well. He doesn't have that and if he kills more bunnies than he REALLY needs to, well he got a couple levels out of it.

Of course, one does not adventure alone if it is possible to avoid doing so. For the vast majority of hardcore vets out there (that didn't start a game during the beta or on launch day) there was someone who helped them figure things out. I did my first raid in WoW after a woman named Edie (in the guise of her toon Persifinee) helped me figure out where to go and what to do to level my character. In Lucas's (COUGH, I mean Horus, his in-game avatar) case, that happens to be a small group of friends named Alizia, Decronas and Olaf. 

They're all n00bs too, and he helps them as much as they help him (since he does have experience with other games) but as with any Massively Multiplayer Role Playing game (let alone one that's conducted in Virtual Reality) there is an awful lot to learn and Decronas in particular seems to have friends who know things. This is big because it enables the team to venture out into the world sooner and to be better equipped when they do it. 

I don't do spoilers, so I'll just say that there is a very good reason that all of the characters, but in particular Horus, need to make gold quickly. I find their "kill everything you can and loot everything you kill," type strategy to be the one that every single n00b ever has used to increase their bank balance. Seriously, even most Dungeons and Dragons campaigns start out with "Go over there and get rich" as the incentive to start adventuring. Gold and gear are the motivation to have a good time, but there is something I wonder about.

It would seem to me that Horus, at least, has played other games and would have a working knowledge of how craft skills work in general. And yes, I know that you won't get rich with beginning craft skills in any game that's more than a few months old, but I'd be starting out learning something. That's how I became a WoW millionaire (well that, and way too many solo runs of old raids to get cash quick) and you'd think he'd try it, but not so far. Then again, there is a sequel so maybe there? I dunno, I'd just like to see my boy doing something to help himself when he desperately needs it. You'd think Decrona would get it too, since she has all of those contacts feeding her information. That's just me whining though and sitting around crafting doesn't add a whole lot of action to a novel, so maybe that was a better way to go? Maybe?

Speaking of action, I love the way fights work. Team Newb is set in the future so the tech is a lot more advanced than what we have now. I love the thought of targeting specific vulnerable areas (tabletop RPG players would recognize this as a "called shot.") to maximize damage in an MMORPG. I love the creativity of the players as they figure out how to defeat some of the enemies they face. I've never seen an online setting where some of these strategies would be possible, but they work great and they make sense. The reader just has to keep in mind that Sun and Shadow Online is a game of the future. There are features that have been added over the last century.

Speaking of World of Warcraft, I have to wonder if Mr. Helbig hasn't had a max level character or sixty-three himself. I get the sneaking suspicition that he's seen the Horde trash Goldshire before moving on to an all out assault on Stormwind once or twice, or maybe died a couple of times defending it. And the way he uses quests as a primary way of leveling is very similar to that in WoW.

Then again, the way his bind points work looks more like Everquest as does the amount of downtime (he skips over it unless there is something going on during downtime) he includes. No EQ player will ever forget the frustration of FINALLY beating that freaking Goblin Whelp and then taking five minutes to get his HP back so he could fight a giant rat. Mark my words, it happened. A lot. Two words: Newbie Log. Everyone who ever played an Dark Elf in EQ just laughed. The rest of the EQ players are remembering seeing the words. "You are hungry. You are thirsty." pop up in their chat box while their HP wouldn't recover and wondering why. Yup, happens here.

And I guess that's really what makes Team Newb (N00b!) work: There's enough differences here to make it feel like a game you haven't played and just enough similarities to make it feel like a game you could play. I love that aspect of it.

I'm leaving out much of the meta-story and that's really the important part of Team Newb but I don't want to spoil too much and there's a lot there. Trust me though, anyone who has played an MMO knows that Real Life Comes First. There's always the guy who can't make raid because his wife is making him mow the lawn that night, or the woman who didn't manage to make the potions this week because she had to babysit, or the ranger who didn't have time to craft the good arrows and is stuck using the cheap vendor junk...

*SIGH*

Real life MMO playing is often about avoiding the meta-story, but trust me it's there. And it's in Team Newb too. Try it. You'll like it.

Bottom Line: 4.5 out of 5 Jerkins of Please Don't Kill me

Team Newb: Sun and Shadow Online
M.Helbig
Self Published, 2019

Team Newb: Sun and Shadow Online is available for purchase at the following link. If you click the link and buy literally anything from Amazon, I get a small percentage at no cost to you.

Jennifer Brozek's Ghost Hour

 

Life is good when you can revisit an old favorite in a new way. It's even better when the new stuff is enjoyable. Enter Jennifer Brozek's <i>Ghost Hour</i>, a newly release Battletech novel. It's a Young Adult novel, which is something I wish they had when I was young enough to fit into the demographic. Ah well, I've got two daughters in the YA age group now. I still loved this thing.

We all know that the Young Adult genre really began with J.K. Rowling. Before Harry Potter readers went straight from childrens books to the big leagues. I kind of feel like this is probably closer to Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows than Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone. Like Deathly Hallows, Ghost Hour does not shy away from the cost of war. The body count is pretty high and the anguish the characters feel at losing their friends and family members is real.  Ghost Hour is a rough read in a good way.

Seriously, there is a lot here that is honestly kind of gut-wrenching. Brozek herself has served as I mentioned when I reviewed the first in the Battletech YA series, The Nellus Academy Incident. It shows here, as she exposes the dark side of war better than the vast majority of Military Science Fiction authors I've read. With a lot of authors you see the glory side of war. Maybe a friend or two gets lost along the way, but they're nearly forgotten for most of the rest of the story. Maybe a spouse is left behind somewhere (and if you haven't seen the film We Were Soldiers you need to because it does this well, too) but the reader never hears about the anguish they feel not knowing what's going to happen to their loved one. There is a lot of that here, although it is people that are serving wondering about their loved ones who are also serving. It's pretty deep. 

That's not to say that there aren't some really awesome slam, bang slugfests, because there are. No one loves a good old-fashioned 'Mech battle like the guy who used to set them up on his bedroom floor and leave them there because they lasted for weeks and trust me, I'd know if they weren't done right, but they are. There are plenty of explosions to keep even the most hardened grognard among the Battletech elite happy. I mean, unless they're the "OMG EVERYTHING AFTER <insert year here> SUCKS" camp, in which case they can go cook along with their character. I mean that literally. Double heat sinks FTW!

For the record, no Ghost Hour does not go that deep into the tech. At least not for the most part. I will confess to not having seen the latest edition of BT, and there is apparently at least one new weapon that I'm not aware of but totally could have used in my mixed Battletech and Mechwarrior RPG campaign even though it wouldn't have been invented in 3050 because GH takes place a century later, but...

Yeah, I'll stop whining now. But still, it was cool. 

And for those still wondering, no you don't have to have a very good understanding of the technology of Battletech to enjoy Ghost Hour. There is a glossary at the back if you have any questions. Those with just a passing familiarity will find the story extremely easy to follow. With one exception, Brozek keeps to the classics of the series. And if you like tabletop war-gaming at all, you can always check Battletech out. I love it. I used to run a mixed Mechwarrior TTRPG/Aerotech/Battletech/Battletroops campaign and I loved it.

This series is about a bunch of cadets who won't stay in their place when their planet is attacked and  go rogue and try to fight the war before they're out of training. I find this to be a lot of fun, even if it often works the other way in the real world. (During World War II, training times were reduced and West Point classes graduated early.) It was still a rollicking good time and a good representation of members of the military and their desire to be involved in "the real thing" whether they're ready for it or not. Although these kids do appear to be about as ready as anyone else ever was. 

At the end of the day too, it's the kids that make the book. It should come as no surprise to anyone who reads my reviews that it's characters and what happens to them that really get me into a work of fiction. The thing is that the main characters in Ghost Hour are precisely the kind of people I can respect and worry about. They go through an awful lot, but they never give up. For most of the book they're losing or just taking a pasting they can't really do much about. They don't care. Actually that's wrong. They DO care. They just don't let it stop them. They keep fighting. These cadets are soldiers in the truest sense of the word. 

Probably the only part about Ghost Hour that I didn't like is that it reminds me how much easier it is to find quality YA SF/F these days than it is to find quality regular SF/F. Outside of what Stephanie Meyers tried to pull (and yes, I tried reading Twilight. It was terrible. I gave it to my sister and she gave it to her daughter. And yes, Bella was a teen and it was YA. Some terribly angsty, sparkly vampire craptacular YA but still YA) I haven't seen a single YA Science Fiction or fantasy novel that I haven't enjoyed. I can't necessarily say the same of the adult samplings I've seen.

I have to mention the main villain, however briefly. I tend to be pretty sympathetic to people who are just doing their duty. I'm an American who thinks that Yamamoto Isoroku was a respectable guy. I still can't feel the slightest bit of sympathy for the antagonist of this one though. I won't say if anything happens to him but he deserves nothing but the worst. Still, it makes reading the book more fun if you really want to see the bad guy get his.

Overall, I don't really have much choice except to tell you to buy this book. I realized partway through Ghost Hour that it wasn't a sequel to the book I thought it was and now I have to go back and buy the first one in the series (when I got the email I thought this was the sequel to The Nellis Academy Incident. I guess that's why my mama always told me not to think. She says it always gets me in trouble.)I'm kind of bummed because I've spoiled part of it, but I'm really excited because there's more to read.

Well, and there's a preview of the sequel to Ghost Hour at the back of the book. I didn't read the preview. I never do. I am, however, looking forward to reading the whole book and find out how this ends.

Bottom Line: 4.75 out of 5 Crashed Dropships

Ghost Hour
Jennifer Brozek
Catalyst Games Lab, 2020

Ghost Hour is available at the following link. If you click the link and buy literally anything from Amazon I get a small percentage at no additional cost to you.

Wakanda Forever

It SUUUUCKs to write this one. Seriously. Chadwick Boseman was forty-three. He died of cancer that the general public never even knew he had.  I'm forty three. Listen, I know someone out there is going to whine about me "making this all about myself" but they can tongue-jack the fartbox. Making comparisons about stuff like this is how human beings relate to each other.

Soo....

This past December I "celebrated" defeating my very own father (Rest in Peace, Dad). Defeated how? I made it to age forty-three. He passed at forty-two. Yup. I now "own" my father. The thing is, he died in a boating accident. I did a post about Anton Yelchin, who passed at twenty-seven, but he died in a freak thing that I probably couldn't duplicate if I wanted to. (For the record, I don't want to.) And listen, we all pass at some point. It happens. Being alive is a fatal condition. But it shouldn't happen at forty-three, especially to a man like this.

Boseman was informed that he had cancer in 2016. He could have packed it in and decided he needed to stop working for the time being to focus on his health. There is not a human being alive that would have faulted him for it. Do you want to know what he did instead?

Message from the King
Captain America: Civil War
Gods of Egypt
Marshall
Black Panther
Avengers: Infinity War
Avengers: Endgame
21 Bridges
Da 5 Bloods.

I've never had cancer, so I can't say exactly how it feels, but I can tell you from what I've heard from others that it's EXTREMELY painful. Boseman got up every day and went to work anyway. He endured the endless takes. He delivered his lines in a manner befitting his character, whoever they had happened to be. He put in the hours. He had a successful career in a field that is damn near impossible to get into WHILE HE WAS DYING OF CANCER.

He. Was. A. Man.

But he wasn't just a man. He was a man among men. Chadwick Boseman did not just PLAY a superhero. He WAS a superhero. He not only went to work on-set, he went to hospitals to visit sick kids. Who does that? Who gets up in the morning in extreme pain knowing that his days are probably numbered and decides to go make someone else's day? Who has the caring nature and the intestinal fortitude to WANT to do that? Who has the courage and determination to do something like that even if they do want to?

Chadwick Boseman did. And we lost him. And he was less than three weeks older than I am. And I'm sorry, but yes that does make it worse. Boseman was a man that deserved to see a century at least. I never met him, but to do what he did he had to have been one of the strongest and kindest people ever to walk the face of the planet.

I don't remember which awards show it was, but at one point I saw Robert Downey Jr. throw a Wakanda Forever salute at Boseman and smile. Boseman threw it back, but his face never moved. At the time, I assumed it was some kind of joke RDJ was playing and Boseman was just kind of trying to keep the peace in public. Men are, after all, men and we do like to joke. Now though, I'm not so sure.

I look back on that in the light of new information and wonder if Boseman was just in pain and was tired of acting. Or maybe it just hurt too much that night. I wouldn't blame him either way and anyone with cancer is going to have days where they just can't even. Even if that's what it was though he showed up. He gave his fans and his employers what they wanted. I stand amazed.

I suppose I should talk about Boseman's career. About Captain America: Civil War or Black Panther, which I reviewed on this blog. I could wax eloquent about his acting in the Avengers movies. I haven't seen his other work, so I can't really comment on that. I find myself not wanting to though. Maybe I'm just not as much of a man as Boseman was and I'm not forcing myself to focus on what's important.

Then again, maybe I _am_ focusing on what's important. A man is more than his job. A life is not measured in dollars earned, but in what a person does to make the world a better place. Entertainment helps (and I do this blog in the hope that I've improved someone's day at least a little bit by entertaining them with my musings for a whole five seconds) but it's more than that.

My fathers funeral was the largest one I've ever been to. I talked face to face with people I hadn't heard from in years. What did they talk about? My dad and how he helped out with the Cub Scouts. The way my dad coached basketball teams. His ribald sense of humor. They remembered him not by what he did for a living but by how he touched their lives.  The only time anyone asked about anything my father owned was when someone inquired as to whether he still had the basketball he had all of the girls who were on the only championship winning team he ever coached. I assured the girl who asked that yes, he did. She smiled and that was that.

And I guess that's what bothers me in this case. Don't get me wrong. Boseman deserves to be remembered for his work. But, thirty years from now who is going to remember him going to hospitals or how hard he worked after he found out he was sick?

Do you know who it will be?

The people whose lives he affected. They'll be the ones telling the stories. They'll be better qualified to do it than I am too because they'll have the details that I don't because I wasn't there. Then again, maybe I'm happy I wasn't there. Who wants to be sick enough to get a visit from a Marvel superstar? Not me.

You know who was sick enough to get a visit from a Marvel Superstar?

Chadwick Boseman.

And he went anyway.

Rest In Peace, Chadwick Boseman

Declan Finn's Coven

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Did you ever get the feeling that the thing should have thinged the other thing with the thing or the the thing was going to thing wrong?

Yeah, that's what I'm thingin' too.

But here's the thing: That's okay. Declan Finn has brought us another good one and I'm here to tell you all about it because that's what I do. Sometimes I even make sense.

Protip: Don't let your happiness depend on my making sense. You're likely to end up depressed. But, I mean I tr....

Yeah, not really.

I'm a nutcase and I prefer it that way. It makes me harder to predict.

Except when a new Saint Tommy Novel comes out. Coven is the latest and it's epic. This one has Saint Tommy back home in his native New York. Life is good except when things are trying to kill him and let's face it, that's often. St. Tommy Novels are always action-packed and Coven is no exception.

Seriously, Coven has more boom-boom-pow in it than and Old School Hip Hop track. Seriously, if they ever turn these books into movies (and they're short enough for a two hour movie format to almost work right) they need to get Steven Spielberg direct with special assistant Michael Bay. Bay for the special effects and Spielberg for plot and acting, and general this-is-a-movie-that-is-good-for-more-than--its-special-effects thing. Yeah, I think that would work.

I mean, how else would you do a mystical clay Iron Man suit? Or flying bolts of lighting? Or just plain old gunshots and explosions? Maybe we could borrow a Phantom of the Opera director for the mist effects because I've seen it three times live and they've never failed to impress. I mean, they're just... yeah.

What mist effects you ask? READ THE BOOK!!!

Seriously, Coven is worth your time. I loved it.

But wait! There's more!

 Tommy's friends are back and they are some bad mamma-jammas. Combat-exorcists, kids who have trained with the Swiss Guard, a shotgun wielding wife, they're all there and they do what they do best: create mayhem.

No, not that stupid commercial. Please try to keep up.

Listen, if you're going to keep making corny jokes, you're going to start sounding like me. You don't want that, do you?

Where was I again?

Oh yes. Coven.

Loved that story!

And this time, St. Tommy needs all the help he can get because he's missing his god-given superpowers, properly known as charisms. So, no bi-location, no levitation, no anything. It's kind of scary. When you're used to seeing the hero rescued by God and he's not, it builds tension. When he can't just magic his way out of a fight, it gets intense. No fancy tricks in a fight equals a much harder fight. Oh, and who is he fighting?

This time it's a military base and Child Protective Services that house the demons and it fits. Anyone who follows this blog knows I love all of those who risk their lives to protect ours, but the way Finn lays it out just works. "Team Building Exercises" indeed. I think he has a point here though.

See, in the real world, Planet Earth, circa 2020, not all is as it seems. Finn's book places demons and their lackeys in the roles of those who are supposed to be protecting us and he's not wrong. Just about everyone has their own agenda, especially in a country like the United States. This is a good thing most of the time.

Then again, sometimes you get a demon infested CPS worker and well...

Yeah, someone needs to put her in check.

I enjoyed that part as I haven't always had the happiest of times with family court in the past. Divorced dads rarely do. I mean, I wouldn't wish this on Tommy and his family or anybody really, but it has a very realistic feel to me. Then again, I'm the guy who got a visit from a CPS worker on the day my oldest daughter was born for the horrible crime of cutting her nails so she wouldn't scratch her face to pieces, so I may be a bit biased.

Of course, the actions scenes in Coven are amazeballs and Tommy's power armor is unbelievably awesome. Seriously, Tony Stark needs to get himself a set of this stuff. Maybe then he'd stop being such a girlie-man and whining every time he gets all shot up. If this stuff can heal a person, then it's better than his junk. Except that it can't fly. Flying would make it better. Then again, no power armor suit is perfect and if its good enough for a Clan Elemental then it's good enough for Tommy.

(Gratuitous Battletech Joke there. I hear both of the people who got it laughing.)

The Big Bad is kind of more Bad than big. I mean, he's basically just a normal sized human being but he's definitely Bad, just like Michael Jackson in the music video of the same name, except not as well dressed. I think. I don't specifically remember what he was wearing.

An, OH BOY, is he well armed. I'm not going to say with what, but trust me, it's scary dangerous. It's also been used other places, but not quite this well and definitely never in this manner. I liked it. Honestly, it made more sense for said doohickey to be used in the way it was than the ways I've seen it used before too. I like this idea. I mean, I'm not going to tell you what the doohickey was or how it was used, but trust me, you'll like it. Unless you disagree with me. But don't worry the fact that you're wrong doesn't make you that guy. Probably. Well, maybe. Look, I'm right here, can't we just deal with that? Just this once?

Of course, there is room for a sequel here, but that makes me happy because I love this series and I can't wait to see Tommy send more demons back where they came from. Only maybe I'll buy a bigger bag of popcorn next time because I ran out of it before I realized I'd properly begun eating it while reading this thing. It's one of those "Wait, you mean the real world actually exists right now?" kind of books. I'll be waiting with baited brea...bated breath?

Or sumfin.

Bottom Line: 5.0 out of 5 Exorcised Demons

Coven: St. Tommy NYPD Book Seven
Declan Finn
Silver Empire, 2020

Coven: St. Tommy NYPD Book Seven is available for purchase at the following link. If you click the link and buy literally anything from Amazon I get a small percentage at no additional cost to you.

Stop it! STOOOOOOOOOOOOOP IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

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Ok, so I just saw a story about a possible Firefly reboot. I was excited for like two point one seconds until I realized that, yup, they're gonna screw it up if they try it. Seriously. Captain Mal is only Captain Mal if Nathan Fillion is playing him. Kaylee is only Kaylee if Jewel Staite is playing her. Not to mention that you don't just replace the hottest woman in Hollywood. Yeah. I'd tell you what I think when I see Jewel Staite if only I was capable of thought when I see Jewel Staite. Is she married?

Uh...

Nevermind.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say, in my own clumsy way is that this would be a bad thing.

Yep, I said it.

Every great once in awhile a good reboot comes along. The Battlestar Galactica reboot comes to mind. That was actually better than the original because it felt more realistic and had a grittier atmosphere. They left enough mysticism in to make it BSG but they removed a lot of the hokiness from it. I admit that it CAN happen. It's hard to catch lightning in a bottle twice though.

So seriously, stop doing it.

Think about it this way:

How many people watched Star Trek: The Original Series before the JJverse stumbled onto the scene? Besides me. I know I did. My first four friends were named James Kirk, Leonard McCoy, Spock and Mike Boldt. (Mike I knew in real life. That's why you've never heard of him.) I was there when Spock's Brain got taken over. I remember the Trouble with Tribbles. I walked along the Way to Eden.

I loved it.

And yes, I know the Hippies in Space episode is not a fan favorite, but sue me. I was probably three the first time I watched it and with that level of maturity it's actually entertaining.

Now think about it this way:

Has the JJverse lived up to it?

I don't know a single person who thinks it has. I've seen all the movies. Viewed for themselves they're good flicks, but they're not good Star Trek. I mean that seriously. What's with transwarp beaming? Who is this guy who thinks he can play my namesake the way Deforest Kelley did? And where in the bleeping blue blank did these scripts come from?

Actually, that's a complaint about a lot of the Next Gen movies as well and those weren't even reboots.

And if there were ever a series that DIDN'T need a reboot, it's Star Trek. If you want more Trek, make another series. That's worked multiple times in the past. But don't reboot stuff.

If it had its run, it had its run.

No, you're not going to be able to improve the original. There is no need for a modern version of something that we all love from way back. There's just not.

I understand the need for new shows and movies for content providers that need to make money. Profits are tied to new product and profitable companies provide jobs. I'm no economist but if you think about it, that's a concept that's pretty easy to understand.

But dude...

There are new ideas out there. Some of them are really awesome. I'd love to see a new Monster Hunter Series or a Saint Tommy, NYPD series. How about an Honor Harrington movie or a series of Four Horsemen stories?

Honestly, it would be worth it just to see if Hollywood could catch up with the 4HU authors. Think about that: A series where the books are actually completed. We could have a competition between Chris Kennedy Publishing and the Writers Guild of America to see who could complete the series the fastest. Whoever finishes first would win the Game of Thrones and not even have to become a salty old man who won't give his fans what they want.

But let's talk about reality for a minute:

The reason for reboots, as well as additions to old series ala the Star Wars sequel trilogy is not fan service. It's not old ideas needing a creative outlet. It's not about a fresh take on something that people love. Hollywood will tell you it is, but they're just trying to say something that sounds good.

No, the real reason behind reboots and remakes, continuations and sequels to movies that were made twenty or thirty years ago is simple:

They're looking for a guaranteed profit and I can respect that.

Star Wars has been big money since it first came out in 1977. Star Trek started slowly, but it's been huge for over four decades now. Put those names on a product and people will pay to see it, whether it's on the big screen or on Disney+ or CBS All Access. I get it.

Here's the thing:

Game of Thrones was just a book series before some executive at HBO stuck their neck out. Sword of Truth/Legend of the Seeker was just a book series before it was a show. Ditto The Expanse. I've not read or watched the Sookie Stackhouse stuff but I know a lot of people who are fans. (Uhh... I would imagine there's at least one Charlaine Harris fan here. What's the first book?) All have done well for their respective providers. So, my message to executives at Hollywood studios is as follows:

GROW A PAIR!

(And for the record, women have a pair too. It's just up a bit higher on the chest.)

Stop being scared of taking a risk on a new property. Yes, I know that you need security. I have kids of my own and I need a roof over my head too. There's an old saying though: Great risk equals great reward.  It may not be cheap to license Honor Harrington but I bet it would cost less than purchasing the rights to Star Wars. You'd probably piss less people off in the process too and angry people are potentially lost sources of revenue. Don't forget that.

Give us new stuff that is actually new. There's no need to rehash old crap for the forty-third time when we can introduce something new to the world. If it's done right, people will eat it up. I'll be first in line.

Below are some links to things related to various properties mentioned above. If you click one of the links and buy literally anything from Amazon I get a snall percentage at no extra cost to you:

Announcing a New Fan Experience

Cross posted from the Mad Genius Club.

We all need a place where we can go to let our hair down and talk to people who get the joke. A place where everyone gets the joke and you can talk to someone who doesn't think you're a freak just because you used a word like “Ferengi” or “Droids.” You know what I mean. A place where people not only grok you and what you're all about, they don't give a frak that someone else wouldn't and they can communicate on your gorram level. 

Or maybe it's more about a person that will understand your fascination with that fair elf maiden and the sword at the end of the quest. Maybe it's not knowing if the light at the end of the tunnel is the sun, a djinn powered locomotive or the anti-magic ray of a Beholder. Or is it the magical sword of your missing companion?

Whether you prefer your fandom in the form of the written word, the big screen or the small screen, on a computer or a tabletop (or if your into polygeekery the way I am) I'd like to extend an invitation to you.

The Geek Galaxy (http://thegeekgalaxy.freeforums.net) is the place for all things geekish. It's a place to meet and gather with people who share you passion and have a discussion that includes more words than you can fit into a tweet or a Facebook post. 

Our misson at The Geek Galaxy is to promote works of Science Fiction and Fantasy (as well as Horror, which Stephen King once said was part of Science Fiction. I'll take his word for it.) that have entertaining characters, strong plots and plenty of action. In other words, we're out to promote works that bring escape and enjoyment. We're here to once again bring the fun into Science Fiction and Fantasy.

Part of what we plan to do is to offer one book monthly for reading and discussing. Some of you may be familiar with the concept, because I stole the idea from someone here. Voting for the first month's subgenre is already live, and your chance to show some love for your favorite subgenre is slowly slipping away. (Uhh... Sarah Hoyt's Goodreads group does this exact same thing? Uhh... Oops? Would you believe me if I said I didn't kn...*COUGH* Never mind.)

I want you to register. I want to know what you're thinking. I want to find out what's out there that I don't know about. I can't do this without you. Yes, I'm talking to you, personally, and to every other human being that would enjoy something like The Geek Galaxy. It's time to make your thoughts  known. 

So run on over to http:.//thegeekgalaxy.freeforums.com/register/7165925 and get started. You'll be happy that you did. It's like the con that never ends, except with no con-suite (*SIGH* I know, but no system is perfect, ok?) and you don't have to buy a ticket or pay for an overpriced hotel room. And, if you're Con Funk Guy no one is going to pester you about it because they won't be able to smell it anyway. Put another way, this also means that you won't have to smell Con Funk Guy. So what's holding you back?

I'll give you an enjoyable experience if you'll let me. Just swing by and tell me what you're thinking. Oh, but be warned: I was serious when I said I've got dibs on starting the thread re: The Godfather. I'll be doing that soon. Other than that, it's all wide open and your time is now. Get to it!

(Jim McCoy is the proprietor of  The Geek Galaxy and Jimbo's Awesome Science Fiction and Fantasy reviews at http://jimbossffreviews.blogspot.com )

Sarah K.L. Wilson's Dragon School: Episodes 1-5

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So, I've kind of got a confession to make. I've got like a huge backlog of stuff that people sent me to review and I errr...

Read something else.

But it was, like, really good, so I thought I'd force all of my fans (LAWL) to read my thoughts on it because awesome. Or sumfin'.

And I know some people don't like young adult fiction, but I truly feel sad for those people and think they should broaden their horizons. Sure, the teenage years were rough for some of us (and believe me, I was a geek with acne, I would know) but that shouldn't ruin your enjoyment of a perfectly good story. Especially one that's awesome dipped in awesome sauce on a stick.

So what is this gem that I'm up past my bedtime to share with all of you? (Seriously, I get up for work at 5 AM and it's 11 PM here.)

It's Dragon School: Episodes 1-5 by Sarah K.L. Wilson.  It's the story of a young girl with something to prove. It's the story of overcoming a common birth and a disability to achieve her goals. I'm not sure if it's a story of incredible courage, or a case of having more guts than brains, but she's definitely no coward. It's action packed, non-stop and I already downloaded the second omnibus. I stopped reading it to let you all know about this series though, because you need to read it.

When I first downloaded Dragon School, I thought it was going to be a massive omnibus. It is massively entertaining, but it's not all that long. I can see why she packages them five episodes at a time because the five of them were about the length of an average novel at three hundred ninety-one pages on Kindle. (Yes, I know all of the cool kids do word count but I'm a geek. Not just that, I'm a LAZY geek. I'm not counting all of those words.) The next one is slightly longer at four hundred and one. The five episodes serving is just about right.

I swore I wasn't going to rant about not getting anything done on my day off because I had my nose buried in Dragon School all day so I won't. After all, it's not like I really need clean clothes or groceries. I'll be just fine without them. I did take time out to make my last steak tonight and I think I've got some Ramen around here somewhere...

Good authors are evil. Wilson is practically Skeletor mixed with Darth Vader.

Or sumfin'

Our heroine is one Amel Leafbrought. She is a commoner in a fuedal society. She has a problem with her leg and can't walk without a crutch or at a normal pace. (I'm not sure what the exact nature of the leg problem is, other than that it hurts and it won't hold weight. As a gout sufferer I can relate.) She passes some tests and wins the right to choose a dragon. (that's not a spoiler, it's in the first chapter.) The she picks one, gets inducted into Dragon School and chaos ensues.

I'm not really the superstitious type, but you'd almost think there was some malevolent force out there intentionally waiting for her to join Dragon School before allowing the world to blow up. Like, oh, I dunno...

An author or something?

They tend to do that, I suppose.

At any rate, Amel is the kind of girl who doesn't have a bit of backup in her. Seriously, this is the girl you want to go to war with. She's smart, tought and indomitable. I like this girl. I teach my daughters to be “Strong, Proud, Smart, Tough, and Brave.” Amel is all of the above. I like this girl. I respect this girl. Hell, I admire this girl. I'd really like to see my oldest read this (it might be a little tough for my nine year old) but good luck with that. She's into romance and not the good stuff. Poor kid.

Oh, and I've never seen a character quite so loyal to her friends. Amel is a girl that would go through a fire to save someone she cared about with gasoline drawers on and not worry about what would happen until after they were safe. What a girl.

I really like the dragons in Dragon School. For an old school Dungeons and Dragons they take a bit of getting used to (Chomatic Dragons that are good guys are weird for some of us) but once you wrap your brain around the fact that you're in a different universe they're awesome. Seriously, one of my least favorite things about both the J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series and  Harry Turtledove's  Darkness series is that they get dragons wrong. Dragons are meant to be huge and fearsome, yes, but also of at least human intelligence.

Wilson gets it right.

Her dragons are smart and lively as well as flat out deadly. They may have a bit of a temper at times, but they are predators with lots of natural weapons, so that seems only natural. They're also good friends and allies – or at least some of them are. Others I haven't seen so much about and there are hints of tension within the ranks of the dragons, most of which are wild.

I'm hoping that'll show up in future volumes. I'm kind of guessing that it will, actually.

The political scheming is intense. For a commoner girl, Amel sure does get caught up in a whole bunch of stuff above her station. I don't want to get too spoilery, but trust me she gets to know some seriously important people. I'm wondering if she doesn't end up with some kind of minor title herself at some point. I guess I'll just have to keep reading. For some reason, that doesn't seem like a bad thing to me.

Listen, there are a lot of other characters I'd like to talk about but honestly, it's almost midnight now. I need to be up soon and I totally want to get through a few chapters of  Episode Six now. Hie thee off to Amazon for Dragon School: Episodes 1-5 while I hie me off to sleep. And seriously, get the omnibus editions. The individual episodes are pretty short and you won't have to go through the frustration of interrupting your reading for multiple downloads.

Bottom Line
: 5.0 out of 5 Sets of Leathers
Dragon School: Episodes 1-5 (Dragon School Omnibus Book 1)
Sarah K.L. Wilson
Self Published, 2019

Dragon School: Episodes 1-5 (Dragon School Omnibus Book 1) is available for purchase at the following link. If you click the link and they buy literally anything from Amazon, I get a small percentage at no additional cost to you.