Stop it! STOOOOOOOOOOOOOP IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!

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Ok, so I just saw a story about a possible Firefly reboot. I was excited for like two point one seconds until I realized that, yup, they're gonna screw it up if they try it. Seriously. Captain Mal is only Captain Mal if Nathan Fillion is playing him. Kaylee is only Kaylee if Jewel Staite is playing her. Not to mention that you don't just replace the hottest woman in Hollywood. Yeah. I'd tell you what I think when I see Jewel Staite if only I was capable of thought when I see Jewel Staite. Is she married?

Uh...

Nevermind.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say, in my own clumsy way is that this would be a bad thing.

Yep, I said it.

Every great once in awhile a good reboot comes along. The Battlestar Galactica reboot comes to mind. That was actually better than the original because it felt more realistic and had a grittier atmosphere. They left enough mysticism in to make it BSG but they removed a lot of the hokiness from it. I admit that it CAN happen. It's hard to catch lightning in a bottle twice though.

So seriously, stop doing it.

Think about it this way:

How many people watched Star Trek: The Original Series before the JJverse stumbled onto the scene? Besides me. I know I did. My first four friends were named James Kirk, Leonard McCoy, Spock and Mike Boldt. (Mike I knew in real life. That's why you've never heard of him.) I was there when Spock's Brain got taken over. I remember the Trouble with Tribbles. I walked along the Way to Eden.

I loved it.

And yes, I know the Hippies in Space episode is not a fan favorite, but sue me. I was probably three the first time I watched it and with that level of maturity it's actually entertaining.

Now think about it this way:

Has the JJverse lived up to it?

I don't know a single person who thinks it has. I've seen all the movies. Viewed for themselves they're good flicks, but they're not good Star Trek. I mean that seriously. What's with transwarp beaming? Who is this guy who thinks he can play my namesake the way Deforest Kelley did? And where in the bleeping blue blank did these scripts come from?

Actually, that's a complaint about a lot of the Next Gen movies as well and those weren't even reboots.

And if there were ever a series that DIDN'T need a reboot, it's Star Trek. If you want more Trek, make another series. That's worked multiple times in the past. But don't reboot stuff.

If it had its run, it had its run.

No, you're not going to be able to improve the original. There is no need for a modern version of something that we all love from way back. There's just not.

I understand the need for new shows and movies for content providers that need to make money. Profits are tied to new product and profitable companies provide jobs. I'm no economist but if you think about it, that's a concept that's pretty easy to understand.

But dude...

There are new ideas out there. Some of them are really awesome. I'd love to see a new Monster Hunter Series or a Saint Tommy, NYPD series. How about an Honor Harrington movie or a series of Four Horsemen stories?

Honestly, it would be worth it just to see if Hollywood could catch up with the 4HU authors. Think about that: A series where the books are actually completed. We could have a competition between Chris Kennedy Publishing and the Writers Guild of America to see who could complete the series the fastest. Whoever finishes first would win the Game of Thrones and not even have to become a salty old man who won't give his fans what they want.

But let's talk about reality for a minute:

The reason for reboots, as well as additions to old series ala the Star Wars sequel trilogy is not fan service. It's not old ideas needing a creative outlet. It's not about a fresh take on something that people love. Hollywood will tell you it is, but they're just trying to say something that sounds good.

No, the real reason behind reboots and remakes, continuations and sequels to movies that were made twenty or thirty years ago is simple:

They're looking for a guaranteed profit and I can respect that.

Star Wars has been big money since it first came out in 1977. Star Trek started slowly, but it's been huge for over four decades now. Put those names on a product and people will pay to see it, whether it's on the big screen or on Disney+ or CBS All Access. I get it.

Here's the thing:

Game of Thrones was just a book series before some executive at HBO stuck their neck out. Sword of Truth/Legend of the Seeker was just a book series before it was a show. Ditto The Expanse. I've not read or watched the Sookie Stackhouse stuff but I know a lot of people who are fans. (Uhh... I would imagine there's at least one Charlaine Harris fan here. What's the first book?) All have done well for their respective providers. So, my message to executives at Hollywood studios is as follows:

GROW A PAIR!

(And for the record, women have a pair too. It's just up a bit higher on the chest.)

Stop being scared of taking a risk on a new property. Yes, I know that you need security. I have kids of my own and I need a roof over my head too. There's an old saying though: Great risk equals great reward.  It may not be cheap to license Honor Harrington but I bet it would cost less than purchasing the rights to Star Wars. You'd probably piss less people off in the process too and angry people are potentially lost sources of revenue. Don't forget that.

Give us new stuff that is actually new. There's no need to rehash old crap for the forty-third time when we can introduce something new to the world. If it's done right, people will eat it up. I'll be first in line.

Below are some links to things related to various properties mentioned above. If you click one of the links and buy literally anything from Amazon I get a snall percentage at no extra cost to you:

Caliber Comics's Dead World: Requiem for the World

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

OH MY GAWD!!!

I'm reviewing a reboot. I can't believe I'm reviewing a reboot. This is Jimbo's and I'M REVIEWING A REBOOT!!!!

I feel like Jim Carrey right now because "Somebody stop me!"

But I'm not REALLY reviewing a reboot. I mean, I didn't even know the original existed until I was holding a copy of the reboot in my hand. So, it doesn't count.

STOP TELLING ME IT COUNTS! I SAID IT DOESN'T!!!

I mean, could we please say it doesn't count? I'll make this a really good review and toss in a link for all of you who want to get one. I mean, if I do a REALLLY good job will you please say it doesn't count as a reboot?

*cry*

I don't want it to be a reboot.

*takes long pull from Mountain Dew bottle*

I can't believe it. It's a reboot and it's on my blog. I've failed at life!!!

*SIGH*

Ok, I've come to terms with what I'm doing. It's a reboot and I'm not shying away from that. I'm a big boy. I'm going to put on my man pants and do this thing right.

So, for those of you who missed the pic at the top of the page and/or have forgotten what it looked like today's review will cover the topic of Deadworld: Requiem for the World and all foolishness aside, it is indeed a reboot. It's a good story even if I can't comment on how well it translates the original because I haven't read the original. Seriously, I met a rep for the Caliber Comics company at ConFusion and picked up two of the books there. I read the reboot first because reasons.

It was actually a really good comic. It's fast paced, has some good art and left me very well entertained. Rumors that I may have gotten chocolate stains on the pages because I couldn't stop reading it for long enough to eat a Ho-Ho are greatly exaggerated. (Ho-Hos are Hostess. It was a Little Debbie Swiss Cake Roll which is totes different.)

Requiem for the World is a zombie comic. I get the fact that zombies are really popular and not all that cool with the hipster set because those goofballs hate everything that anyone else likes, but I'm telling you that this is a good one. Why? Because it has a twist. This isn't just your average zombie comic. Then again, I'm a fan of The Walking Dead, so what do I know?

I know I've never seen a comic where the zombies have a leader. They're not real bright, because zombies, but they can follow simple instructions. I'm not sure what the zombie leader guy's name even is but he's something new that I sure haven't seen before. The thought of armies of the dead working together in a coordinated manner is some scary shit and let's face it: This is a zombie comic. It's supposed to be scary.

SPOILERS NEXT PARAGRAPH



YOU'VE BEEN WARNED

I'M NOT KIDDING!!!!
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I know that in cases where the cause of the zombie outbreak is not based on something sciency-sounding it's usually never given. Requiem for the Dead never quite gets to the point that it gives us all the answers but I get the feeling that later comics in the stream actually will. There are some fairly obvious hints that an answer is coming, but not exactly what it is and now I'm intrigued. I'm not sure if the answer was given in the original series or if they'll be giving the same one this time around anyway (the intro to the TPB states that a lot is changed early and I'll take their word for it. It's their product.) but they're definitely leading into something and it sounds cool.

I know that zombies are usually the only monsters in zombie fiction. I'm not sure but I have reason to believe that there are a couple of things in the book that are not exactly zombies and aren't the type of thing we would see in the real world ever. I like them. I like the fact that they're there even more. This is something that you just don't see. I'm starting to wonder how they tie in with the rest of it.

I know that the fact that I want to see more is the first sign of a good continuing anything. (Nobody tell any of my English teachers you saw that sentence. It's a mess and I can't figure out how to fix it.) Seriously, if they give you all the answers you have no reason to buy the next one. Whoever scripted this (The cover credits Gary Reed, Vince Locke and Dalivor Talajic, but doesn't say who did what and I don't know the company well enough to be sure) did a damn fine job of not just writing a good story for this book, but of creating a story that will cause interest in future books. I mean, this has the potential to cost me bunches of money and they're basically sucking all the cash out of my wallet but I'll get over it because I honestly believe I'm going to enjoy it.

I know that I love good art and this is good art. It's black and white, but I think it almost has to be. Zombie comics are not superhero comics. They're not meant to be bright, shiny and uplifting. Zombie comics are horror comics. They are dark and brooding because that's what they're supposed to be. They are tales of the scraps of humanity barely surviving. The black and white medium really helps drive that point across. It's a mood thing.

Listen, I'm not really a super-educated comics critic who can take apart a page and tell you exactly what technique was used to do what and lead to that other thing. I just know that it looks good and helped the story make sense. At the end of the day that's all I really care about. They delivered with what mattered and that's a good looking, entertaining story. Now I'm stuck with the question of whether or not to get the next one in Dead Tree Format or in e-format. I read a lot of e-books but with comics... I dunno. Then again, for what it's worth, I will be picking up the next one in some format.

Bottom Line: 4.5 out of 5 Rotten Corpses

Deadworld: Requiem for the Dead
Gary Reed, Vince Locke, Dalivor Talajic
Caliber Comics, 2018


Deadworld: Requiem for the Dead is available for purchase at the following link (or you can support your Local Comic Shop by ordering it there):

Nope, Nope, Nopity Nope! UH-UH!

Shields up, Red Alert! Seriously, go to your men and tell them to get ready for a fight because I'm about to have Worf beam a proton torpedo aboard the bridge of the Death Star while it annihilates Babylon 5 in full view of the TARDIS as it is consumed by a supernova. As someone famous once said "I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore." There is no need for this type of bullshit. None whatsoever! AT ALL! DO YOU HEAR ME HOLLYWOOD?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!?!??!??!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!??

Ok, so now we all know I'm mad. Who can tell me why? Oh, that's my job. Oops.

So what set me off is this piece. I found it while innocently checking my Facebook feed. I had some downtime at work and decided to see if I could find something interesting. Well, I found that article interesting in the same sense that Vlad the Impaler found the actions of traitors interesting. Unfortunately, I lack the authority he had and so the guilty are still at large and able to continue killing everything great that came before them. 

I'm going to take a moment and tell you what is wrong with this. I mean, yes, recasting Lando and G'Kar as females is insulting to the fandom, the original cast and J. Michael Straczynksi.Yes, they should be played by different actors. Yes, the uniform pictured is thirty-one flavors of fucked up. But honestly, none of that should matter. Because there is NO FREAKING NEED TO REBOOT EVERY DAMN THING EVER!

(Oh, and for the record, I'm not a big fan of Crude Reviews and their rampant SJWism. I don't recommend their site. I was reading the article before I realized what site it was on.)

I've talked about this before. Listen Hollywood. I get the fact that not every idea is Hollywood caliber. I support not making everything that get suggested because I support quality entertainment and some stuff is just crap. I mean, it doesn't all sink to the depths of gender-swapping Londo and G'kar just to virtue signal in a show that already had females in prominent roles. (Can you say Ivanova, Delenn, Talia and Lyta boys and girls.) Oh, and that includes two women who took command of squadrons of ships in battle. And there is no badder-ass in all of SF/F than Susan Ivanova. Still though, that's not the problem.

The problem is you morons and your absolute obsession with rebooting old content. Let sleeping dogs lie. Listen, I came to a love of B5 late. If not for the love and patience of a good woman (who, for the record, never once looked at me and uttered the words "Just watch the show, dumbass." She's obviously a better person than I am.) I may never have watched it at all. The fact remains that it makes no sense to shit all over a show that millions of people watched and loved. And no, if they're going to gender-swap Londo and G'Kar, they don't have a respect for the original show.

Look, I get the desire to make a profit. Television studios are capitalistic endeavors. I'm good with that. I'm just saying that

A.) There is no need to reboot old stuff just to make a profit.
I am watching an episode of The Walking Dead while writing this piece. When it debuted, the Walking Dead was a brand new show, not a remake. It just finished recording its ninth season. It has an absolutely huge following. It is very obviously profitable, because if it wasn't it would be gone by now. Oh, and the network that created it? American Movie Classics. Reshowing old stuff wasn't good enough I guess. The same with Netflix and Amazon Prime. Odd, that.

B. There is no lack of ideas out there.
The Orville worked. It's not a reboot. It's not a remake. It's just good TV. Remember what that's like?

C.) Gender-swaps have been known to fail.
We all know the records of the Ghostbusters reboot and Oceans 8. Stop flushing your money down the toilet. Those won't aberrations. It's not going to get better next time. If you want to make money with a movie about one or more women, make it with either original content or with content that was originally conceived with female characters. You know, like Wonder Woman? That made more money than any previous super hero origins movie. (It has, admittedly, since been surpassed by Black Panther, but it made over eight hundred million dollars at the box office.) And honestly, if women and/or minorities want to more representation then they need to show some integrity and write their own stories instead of stealing them from someone else.

and

D.) Sometimes it takes some intestinal fortitude to get thing done.

At some point in the not so distant past, somebody pitched a movie about a tornado filled with sharks. It could not have been an easy sell. It has made millions and produced two profitable sequels.  Take some responsibility and make something that hasn't been done before.

I know it's not easy. J.K. Rowling and George Lucas created probably the two most successful science fiction universes in the history of the genre. Hell, they created two of the most successful stories in the history of humanity. Both faced rejection. Rowling was rejected thirty-two times before Harry Potter was accepted for publication and created an entire new market of readers. There was no Young Adult market before someone at Scholastic showed some guts and let J.K. Rowling create one.
So yes, it does make sense to make new content. It makes good money if it's GOOD new content. And no, I'm not suggesting that Hollywood should start making every idea that comes their way. I'm just saying that there is plenty of new ground to explore. Hollywood needs to start looking toward the future instead of the past.

Everything they're rebooting came from something that was once a new product. No matter how far back they pull from that's true. Gilgamesh is the oldest surviving written story. Go back far enough, and somebody told it for the first time. It's time to tell some new stories for the first time. Not new versions of old stories. New stories. Get it together guys. Stop digging up corpses and looting them. Put something new on my TV screen.

(Five of my favorite SF franchises were referenced in the first two sentences of this blog. Star Trek, Star Wars, Babylon 5, Doctor Who, and uhh... what? Two nerd points, exchangeable for major bragging rights, go to whoever can name the last franchise in the comments.)

Some products related to things that were named above are listed at the links below: