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The Princess Bride: S. Morgenstern's Classic Tale of True Love and High Adventure by William Goldman

Listen, it's not my fault. My history with The Princess Bride is composed of  a couple decades worth of WUUUUUUUV, TWUUUU WUUUUUV! and I never realized that there was an actual novel that went with the movie. I mean, obviously Fred Savage's grandpa read him the book in the movie, but I thought that was just a prop. I mean, I've spent more hours in bookstores than any sane person and I'd have noticed the thing at some point, right?

I mean, it's inconceivable that I could possibly not know about a The Princess Bride book if it existed. There was no chance that could get stuck in the Fire Swamp of ignorance of the existence that it would take to not know that there was a novel. Seriously, you couldn't have stopped me from getting one if I had known about it. I'd have all kinds of fun storming that castle. At least until a rodent of unusual size got to my bookshelf and ate my copy. Even then, I bet I could get my boy Miracle Max to bring my copy back to life so I could read it again.

And all of that makes sense until you realize that there actually was such a book and I didn't know about it. At that point I was all just like...

"My name is Jimbo McCoy. You killed my delusion. Prepare to buy!" Forunately for me, e-books aren't all that expensive and I won't need a wheelbarrow to carry it in.

Oh wait, you wanted an actual review and not just me acting like a bigger geek than normal?

As you wish.

Or not.

Suck it up, Buttercup.

Dude, put down the six-fingered sword and the iocaine powder. I'm getting there. I promise.

Although, all trash talk aside, it does occur to me that it has been far too long since I've watched the movie with my daughters, but I digress. 

Dude, reading this review must be like climbing the Cliffs of Insanity. 

Please don't go all Dread Pirate Roberts on me. I wouldn't like it if you mostly likely killed me in the morning.

Alright, alright. I'll say something meaningful about the book.

Dude...

The Princess Bride is the most meta book in the history of ever. There is so much here that got left out of the movie because it wouldn't fit, but like "Morgenstern" must have been the worst author in the history of ever. He mentioned a bunch of crap about the history of Guilder and Florin that would totally not work in an actual novel and Goldman is really snarky about it.

I mean, I know I'm putting on airs here and I haven't really earned the right to say this, but parts of The Princess Bride read like a review from Jimbo's Awesome SF/F Reviews. Seriously. Goldman has a similar whacky and zany sense of humor. Reading endless pages about the history of women's hats would suck, but reading Goldman's complaints about those pages is pure comedy gold. 

There is a lot more about Inigo Montoya's childhood and his relationship with his father in the book than there was in the movie. This is a good thing. The whole revenge angle takes on so much more importance when we know how close he was to his father, why his father was killed, and how humiliated Montoya was by his fathers murderer. This was good stuff that would have made the movie even better if they could have found a way to work it in. 

The Narrator of the novel, supposedly Goldman himself, is a source of great entertainment as well. The story goes that his father read the book to him as a kid and left lots of it out. That's where a lot of the meta stuff comes in. Now the Narrator wants his son to read the book and can't figure out why he won't. Then the Narrator picks the book up and finds out how bad it was..

Yeah, it doesn't sound like the kind of thing you'd want to re-write honestly, but he does and it's amazing. This strikes a chord with me personally because it reminds me a lot of the struggles I've had to get my kids to read the stuff I loved as a kid. I can't even get my oldest to read the stuff I love NOW and it can be a bit of a challenge to deal with mentally. It would be so awesome if they would, but..

Yeah.

Long story (overly) long this is the type of situation that I can identify with and I'm guessing a lot of you can as well.

Of course, all of our favorite characters are there; Westley, Buttercup, Fezzik, Inigo Montoya, Vizzini, etc. Not all of the lines were translated straight from the book though, and it's one of those things where you can end up disappointed not because something isn't entertaining, but because it's not quite the way you remembered it. That much is, I guess, inevitable as the movie writer, actor/actress, director and some other person that I forgot about probably all had a hand in rewriting the dialogue for the movie. It doesn't ruin it, but it is a little different and that took some getting used to. 

One suggestion I'm going to make is to skip the introductions to both the Thirtieth and Twenty-Fifth Anniversary Editions. They don't add a whole lot to the experience and they took a lot of time to get through. I was really surprised by this because I thought I was going to get something really awesome with these, but not so much. I've been more disappointed in my life, obviously, but I kind of wish I could have that time back.

Still and all I’m glad I read The Princess Bride. It was a lot of fun exploring something I had loved for a long time in a totally different setting. This was an experience I won't forget. That sounds weird, but it's true. If you haven't read the book, and especially if you're just finding out that it actually exists, I'd recommend reading it.

Bottom Line: 5.0 out of 5 Boring Intros

Kevin McDonald's A Nation Interrupted: An Alternate History Novel

So, what happens when the Confederate Army finds out that their plans have been intercepted at Antietam BEFORE the battle, changes their plan, wins the war and the Confederate States of America becomes an independent country? How does the future change? World War I? World War II? Think about it: It took the United States and the engineers that built the Transcontinental Railroad to dig the Panama Canal. What happens if the United States doesn't do the work? What then?

ESPECIALLY World War II. What happens when the United States are not united anymore? What changes when the country that needs to save Britain isn't as big a nation and doesn't have the same population, wealth and industrial base? What happens if the United States makes a more tempting target than the Soviet Union? What then?

Those are the questions answered by Kevin McDonald in A Nation Interrupted. It's well written and, in places, terrifying. I could see this happening. He's done his research and it shows. And it's weird because a solid grasp on some of the problems his Germans would face, but he doesn't let that stop him or them. He finds a way around things the same way a real world general would have to. He makes it believable. His grasp on the effectiveness of strategic bombing is spot on as well. 

This is a book with an epic cast, although they seem to all be Americans. That works though, especially in today's day and age where many people would be offended if he had included the German point of view. It does lend a certain cardboard feeling to the villains of the piece but, let's face it, they are literal Nazis. Still and all, things may have worked a mite better if we had gotten an opposing viewpoint. 

On the other hand, it's good to see an author who doesn't kowtow to the Leftist stereotype of Americas as Nazis. The Americans in the book, for the most part, are strong, patriotic and opposed to the assholes that have invaded their shores. (Oh, did I fail to mention that the Germans invade New York city? I guess I should've mentioned that little tidbit earlier. Forgive me. It's Monday.)

McDonald pulls no punches in his depiction of Hitler's Final Solution to the Jewish Question conducted on American soil. There are chunks of that part of the narrative that are quite frankly heart rending and more than just a little disgusting. That's why they work. McDonald has done some real research here. He also does his best to resolve a real-world controversy about how the Allies should have responded to the death camps. I like this. First, because it's necessary but also because his resolution matches with my own take on the issue. 

I have a sneaking suspicion that McDonald my have consumed more than one Harry Turtledove novel because A Nation Interrupted has a very similar feeling to a lot Turtledove's work without the repetitive dialogue. The shifting viewpoints, the strategic acumen and the grittiness of the characters and situations remind me a lot of Turtledove, whose work I've been reading for over twenty-five years now. I enjoy Turtledove's work and, honestly, there's not really a bigger compliment that I could pay to an Alt-Hist novel. 

Don't tell him that. He'll think I'm calling him old. Nope, the old dude in this story is moi.

Anyway...

The action in this book is intense. We find ourselves flying along with bomber crews. We find ourselves sneaking past Nazis. The tension level in A Nation Interrupted is sky high and it stays that way. This is a very quickly paced book. It builds and builds and if you you're not squirming in your seat for the majority of the end of the book you're not paying attention. There is a lot here and the possibility of catastrophic failure is never very far away. 

That's once it gets started though. A Nation Interrupted takes a minute to get started. When I first started reading this, I kind of assumed that it was the first book in a series. It's not. It's a standalone novel, but it works well that way. I do kind of feel like McDonald could have slowed down the pace a bit and given us a trilogy here though.  

There are large chunks of time skipped over with a quick overview of the progress of the war. This works because it keeps things moving and tells the reader what they need to know. It is, also, a missed opportunity in my opinion. It kind of feels like McDonald was in a big hurry to finish a story that probably could have made him a bunch more money if he had allowed it to develop further and turned it into a series.

I don't want to take this too far though. My favorite season of Babylon 5 was the fourth season. What made it so great was that J Michael Stracz...

Strazi....

Strazy...

Uhh...

The guy who wrote the series didn't think it would get renewed for its fifth season, so he condensed the last two season into one season and it was freaking amazeballs. When the action gets thick, fast, and furious my eyes light up. There was a lot in A Nation Interrupted and it happened very quickly. I liked that.

And, let's face it, there are a lot of things you can say to an author that are worse than, "Well gee, Mister, I really wish I had more of your work to read, and I would've paid to do it." It's also not like McDonald hasn't published other stuff. I definitely plan to read it. I just kind of wish that it would've been more of this story instead of a completely new one. 

Truth be told though, I'm a little bit bitter. I just read a book that went with one of my favorite books of all time and not only did I spend my whole weekend reading A Nation Interrupted instead of reviewing that, this review forced itself out of my head before I could get the other one written. I blame McDonald for it. As punishment you should all buy his book and make him figure out who to spend all of that money. That'll show him!

Bottom Line: 4.75 out of 5 Fiery Crashes

A Nation Interrupted: An Alternate History Novel
Kevin McDonald
Braveship Books, 2020

A Nation Interrupted: An Alternate History Novel is available for purchase at the following link. If you click the link and buy literally anything from Amazon, I get a small percentage at no additional cost to you.

A Nation Interrupted

Kimber Grey's The Chosen One's Assistant: Never Meet Your Heroes

Before I even get started reviewing Kimber Grey's The Chosen One's Assistant: Never Meet Your Heroes, I would like to point out that, not only was it based on Mikey Mason's  (Not Quite) The Chosen One. His music is epic and I highly recommend listening to it either on Spotify or Bandcamp. I loved the track the first time I heard it and I love it still. 

The Chosen One's Assistant is every bit as good as the song except better. There is a lot here and that makes it more fun. As opposed to five minutes of music we get over three hundred pages of story. And it's a lot more of a developed story in the book. There's just more time for it. 

And time is something that Tiberius (that's our main character) and The Chosen One (Who has no name. He's just The Chosen One.) don't have as something seems to have gone wrong and is causing the appearance of vampire stoats in an few days away and we're not sure where they're coming from but this can't be good and we need to put a stop to this...

And Tiberius, who has only been Tiberius for a short while (his gave up his old name when he signed on to be the Chosen One's Assistant. Now he is Tiberius like all of the other assistants before him and all of the ones who will come after.) and he's still learning. And listen, there's a lot to this whole Tiberius thing. He's got to handle all of the chores and all of the healing, meet with people, pray a lot...

And there's no training period. He just has to learn everything all at once. With no real help, since the Chosen One is rather self centered and apparently not overly fond of breaking in a new Tiberius every two years. There is a bit of hostility there. 

It's awesome though, because it makes sense. There is a bit of drill sergeant to The Chosen One who doesn't always have time to screw around explaining things. He's a man of action. He kills things for a living. He makes good money doing it, as does Tiberius, but there is a lot to it.

Tiberius has a lot to do outside of cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. He's the one that's in charge of anything academic. He has to research the route to travel, research the threat once they get there, etc. He also has to meet with the townspeople to coordinate the big party when they get there and to figure out where to stay and whatever else. Tiberius works harder than I do and that's saying something. I respect this character. 

I respect the Chosen One too because, although he can be a bit arrogant at times, he is a true hero and he cares. He doesn't just face down threats for the glory or the loot. He does it to protect the people he serves. He does it because he is indeed the Chosen One and it is his duty.

He's also a goofball. There is some serious humor in this book and it comes from the Chosen One more or less wimping out. This is where the book is the most like the song, which was a comedy tune about how badly life sucked for the Chosen One's Assistant (he's not referred to as Tiberius in the song.) There's nothing here that you would have to read the book to get per se, but if you've listened to the song a few times (like I told you to earlier) then it goes from hilariously funny to "Oops, I think I dislocated a rib laughing at that one. Bonus points if you listen to the song after you read the book and realize all the stuff you missed the first time and start laughing all over again. 

The Chosen One is also a man of faith. Now, it's not a real world religion. Grey created a fantasy pantheon which she has done a fairly decent job of fleshing out and assigning roles to. There aren't a whole lot of interactions directly with gods, but I like what I see so far. I wouldn't mind seeing more about both the gods and their servants, but there are more books coming, so I guess I'll have to wait. 

But it's the actual exploration of faith in the book that has me hooked. Pretty much every fantasy universe has its pantheon. Most even have clerics or paladins. Very few (The Chosen One's Assistant and R.A. Salvatore's The Cleric Quintet are all that come to mind in High Fantasy. Declan Finn's St Tommy NYPD series is an urban fantasy that shows faith as well but that's about all that I've got in the world of Science Fiction and Fantasy literature.) that actually show acts of faith. Not just praying, but believing and trusting in the god you serve to see you through whatever it is that you're going through. There is strength in faith in the real world and for the Chosen One. Tiberius is working on his. I love the Chosen One's belief and his act of sharing it with others. That's not to say that this is a preachy book. It merely shows the champion and his faith and how he shares it with others to encourage them. Major Kira would be proud. 

There are some really awesome action sequences in the book, too. Tiberius isn't really up to snuff with all of this hand to hand combat stuff, but he's got balls. Big brass ones. I don't think I'd want to go into combat armed with the level of knowledge Tiberius has. I mean, it's good to have a dagger but it's better if you know how to use it properly. The Chosen One is, of course, a badass. Except when he's not. Nice foot guy. But, for the most part, the Chosen One can deliver a beatdown like few others. 

Grey's worldbuilding is first rate as well. She's got a good grasp of what is needed to make a fantasy town work and how trails worked in the Medieval world. She throws in just enough gut wrenching awful to make the totally awesome work even better and I like that about her. This is the first of her books that I've read, but it won't be the last. 

Bottom Line: 5.0 out of 5 Cramped Toes

The Chosen One's Assistant
Kimber Grey
Greywhisper Graphics Productions, 2022

The Chosen One's Assistant is available for purchase at the following link. If you click the link and buy literally anything from Amazon, I get a small percentage at no additional cost to you.

The Chosen One's Assistant