World's Worst Nerd-Core Rap

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Listen folks: I'm not telling you how to live your life. I'm simply advising you to never, ever, for as long as you live and breathe, allow The Fat Kid access to his notepad and pencil in the middle of the night when he's stuck in a parking lot waiting on a ride. It's a bad look.

I mean seriously, at night when TFK starts to fall asleep but fights to stay awake, his mind starts to wander. Things start to fall out of it. You never know what horrifying thing you may experience because you left the paper unguarded. Foolish mortals, you know not the power of that which you contend against!

Gather 'round and I will show you the folly of your negligence. The cost of ignoring the peril will be made obvious to all. You shall feel the wrath of The Fat Kid in ways that will leave your mind blank and shrivel your soul!

Or sumfin'

Listen, this originally came to me as an attempt at a hip hop track. The thing is, I have no access to a beat making program and no ability to sing and make a hook. Come to think of it, I don't really own a mike since I broke my headset two moves ago and that wasn't exactly studio quality anyway. So, like, I dunno. Maybe it's actually a poem instead of a song? Is there really a difference when it comes to hip hop anyway? Seriously?

SIGH

That's a question that's bigger than this blog and probably needs a doctor, a lawyer, two philosophers and a record producer to answer. I'm none of the above. But anyway, without further ado, I proudly present to you.

The World's Worst Nerd-Core Rap

Come and ride with me and I'll take you on a journey
Everywhere we go will be either geeky or nerdy
Watch out for my rhymes, some are clean and some are dirty
And some are crazier than your old-ass great aunt Gerty

Yes my name is Jim but not Kirk from Enterprise
Beam down to the planet and we'll lose the redshirt guys
Mr Spock's intelligent Dr. McCoy is wise
And Sulu never liked the sight of Uhura's thighs

Not Picard or Riker but you'll see me crunching Data
On the Holodeck with Jordi and we'll both be missing lata
Wanna hang with Worf because I'm not a Klingon Hata
You can ask Crusher or Troi, they'll both tell you I can sate ya

Names not Han or Leia, but I can take you Solo
Obi Wan's a force ghost, so let's all stop yelling Yolo
Don't kiss your sister Luke, because you know that shit's a no-no
Kessel Run in twelve parsecs, hey Chewie make it go-go

I'll stab you in the stomach like your name was Qui Gon Jinn
If I catch you fucking whining like that punk ass Anakin
Keep Padme from the fighting with the pregnant shape she's in
Why you gotta hate on Jar Jar guy, that Gungan makes me grin

The story then goes onward with a Pilot name of Poe
And a Stormtrooper named Finn, he left the Dark Side though
Rey heard she was nothing from a villain named Kylo
I'm wondering if he thought Palpatine just wouldn't show

Yes I am a gamer and I should be playing WoW
Headed straight to Stormwind and I'll burn that city down
Not worried about Anduin cause I'll straight up kill that clown
Shut your filthy Ally mouth don't you dare make a sound

Sitting at the Baen panel, not next to Buckley though
Chilling in the back, I'm chanting Oh, John Ringo, No
Gonna launch some missiles, maybe a Weber or so
Won't tell that Correia guy that he can take my dough.

God I love that Baen stuff so I'll give them one more rhyme
Went on a trip with Mad Mike and he took me back in time
Don't trust a Hoyt named Sarah with your emotions or the lime
Bolshi-berries, Transi-trees, Tom Kratman's book is mine!

Aim to misbehave like my name was Captain Mal
You can take Inarra, I'd rather have that Kaley gal
River rewrote scripture and she made the Shepherd howl
Run your spears straight through the Wash, and Zoe's crying now

Watching me casting spells like one of the Hogwarts three
Then I'll chill with Snape and we'll do some alchemy
You can be my Hagrid, I'll let you work for me
While I'm hanging out with Albus and we're watching memories

You can call me Bilbo when I write my song and sing
Pulling out my blue sword, all you fanbois call it Sting
Running away from Gollum so he can't steal my ring
Need a magic spell right now, but Gandalf  can't cast a thing

Taking a walk to Mordor with my boys Frodo and Sam
With some help with Aragorn, getting us out of a jam
Boromir just died, sacrificed like beans and lamb
Watch for Sauron's eye, it zooms out like a webcam

I'm a man made out of iron like my name was Tony Stark
Got stalked by the Black Widow, she ambushed me after dark
Banner got real ticked off, wrecked all of Central Park
Steve Rogers is lost in time, but his mind's still got the spark

Couldn't watch the movie about a Clark whose last name's Kent
Batman's even worse, sorry about your money spent
Green Lantern was so terrible, it was surely devil-sent
Wonder Woman is the only DC flick that's worth a single cent

See me act like Garibaldi, find out where you have been
Give orders like Ivanova, listen or I'll do you in
Here come G'kar and Londo, while they fight or maybe grin?
Don't mess with all the crazy stuff, like that goofball Doc Franklin

A dungeon or a dragon which would better fit your taste?
A backstab in the dark or a waraxe to the face
Or maybe I could take drop you. my cleric straight wields a mace
Have a wizard cast invisible, disappear without a trace

Gather up around, I'll say my Final Fantasy
I'd like to say your awesome cause you hung in there with me
Big sword like ol' Cloud and I made the birdies breed
Get aboard the airship, Story's over, gotta flee

The Best Deaths in Science Fiction and Fantasy

(This whole post is full of spoilers.
You have been warned.

Now I know I did a post about being severely depressed awhile back, but nobody worry. This was triggered by a Facebook group that I'm in. (It's called Hogwart's Pensieve and if you love Harry Potter, goofy little fun activities and trying to win the House Cup you should join. I won't tell you what house I'm in because we're not supposed to recruit for specific houses, but if you join you'll see me there.) So know, I'm not like backsliding or anything however...

I've read a lot of books over the years. Most I enjoyed. Some I didn't. One I threw across the room and then gave to my sister who passed it on to my niece. (Why do people like Stephanie Meyer again?) I've noticed over time that there are many things that an author can throw into a story that have a big emotional impact: triumphs, defeats, first love, weddings, births, etc. But the one I want to talk about today is death. (Yes, that's why I wrote that first paragraph.)

In the Pensieve one of the Saturday activities was to write the death of one of the characters that passed at the Battle of Hogwarts (we had a few choices of which one) and I chose Fred, because out of all the deaths I've read, it hit me harder than any other, save one: That of Sturm Brightblade in The Dragonlance Chronicles. It got me to thinking though: There are a lot of deaths in a lot of books and a lot of shows/movies (and if we're counting movies we have to include the death of Spock in The Wrath of Khan) but there are few that really hit me the way those two did. So I set about trying to figure out why.

The death of Dumbledore sucked, but it was expected. His hand was rotting off and he was as old as the hills. Also, if you've ever studied story-telling in general you know that the mentor always gets it in the neck. Dumbledore was statistically overdue for an Avada Kedavra to the face. Falling from the tower has always seemed to me to be a bit extreme, but at the end of the day, it worked.

Obi-Wan Kenobi's death was kind of wasted. It could have been so much more if he had been around longer. Ditto the death of Yoda. Really, the only death in all of Star Wars that affected me was the death of Luke, and I'm not supposed to admit that out loud because I'm the only person who liked that movie. (Or at least it seems like it.)

Star Trek didn't lose many main big characters over the years, and no, redshirts don't count. Three come to mind. Trip (in the last episode), Jadzia Dax (in the last season) and Tasha Yar (in the first season). I may very well be missing someone. But the fact remains that Trip's death occurred too close to the end to really have the impact it should have, Tasha's death was almost pointless and happened due primarily to real world concerns (she hated the show) and Jadzia's...

Well, okay that one hurt. I loved the wedding with her and Worf. She was played by an awesome actress and she was a wonderful and valiant person. Then they brought Dax back as Ezri and... Uhhh..

What?

Yeah, I know, Trill, symbiote, whatever.

She was gone, but she wasn't but she was. And the slug that lived in her stomach got to continue. That one was so confusing it almost doesn't count as a death and yet it does, because the Jadzia half of the personality was gone.

Don't get me started on Firefly. Wash got hosed. Why they thought they needed to kill him off under those circumstances is beyond me. Whatever. I have Reavers. You hate Reavers. Even the Shepherd hates Reavers. But still that never should have happened when it did.

And of course there hasn't been a comic book death that mattered since the 90s. Yeah, so Hero A died and he took Hero B with him. Oh well, they'll both be back in six months. I get that the Death of Superman sold so well and so did his comeback but at some point you'd think they'd realize that it doesn't work anymore.

Uhh...

Sorry, you can have your soapbox back. I'm done using it.

And listen, if you're a fan of the Battletech novels and approve of what they did to Grayson Carlyle, you're not really a human being. I get the fact that they needed to kill him for the story to go forward, but dude. Really? REALLY?!?!?!?!?!?!?! THE MAN WAS THE WARRIOR'S WARRIOR AND HE DIED IN A HOSPITAL BED OF CANCER? ARE PRETEND BULLETS THAT EXPENSIVE!?!??!?! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

*SIGH*

Sorry. Carlyle was a personal favorite and he Really. Got. Hosed. I mean, I get the fact that George Patton (all private slapping and bad quote making aside) was the best general the US had in World War II and he got done in by a car accident. That was real life. Can my story-books please have story-book deaths for the big-timers? Please?

A well done death can stay with you forever though and it makes the story SOO much better. Seriously. Think about it this way:

Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan was released in 1982, and nearly forty years later (am I really that old?) it's still remembered by most Trek fans as the best Trek movie EV-AR! And there was a lot of action and some ugly bugs. There was an evil villain. Khan and his dreams of a Master Race were very Nazi-esque. There were good heroes: Kirk, Spock, McCoy, etc. I'm not denying any of that. Despite all of that what do most people remember about that movie? One scream and a speech. Let's not pretend that “KHAAAAAANNNNN!!!!” was anything other than classic Shatner. We love it because it's the actor that we love being the character that we love.

But what do people remember just as much? They remember Spock on his knees, his face covered with red splotches saying, “I have been, and always shall be, your friend.” The emotional impression, the lasting image, is of a great man breathing his last on the engineering deck while saving all of his friends. Now, we all know that he came back in Star Trek III: The Search for Spock, but think about this: Which film is remembered as the better one? Who talks about when they actually found Spock? Wasn't that the whole point of the film?

I don't know how many of you have read the Dragonlance Chronicles, but if you have you remember the death of Sturm Brightblade, once dishonored, admitted to the knighthood on someone else's honor, not allowed to wear his father's armor and yet elected as the leader of the Knights of the Crown. When the Knights of the Sword and of the Rose had gone off to get themselves massacred, he had split the knighthood in an attempt to accomplish his mission while saving his men. When his men needed time, he went to the battlements and faced a dragon alone armed with nothing but a spear. Needless to say, he lost. Yet, his death ignited the Knights and made them heroes again. And it just so fit Sturm so well. He lived for the day when the knighthood would embrace him and the people would embrace the knights. He loved Huma and wanted to be everything Huma was. He achieved all of that. It was perfect. This one hurt to read, but without his sacrifice that whole trilogy doesn't work. If Hollywood ever gets off its hindquarters and decides to make good movies again, they need to make the Dragonlance Chronicles, either as live action or a cartoon. (And yes, I'm aware that Dragons of Autumn Twilight was made as an animated film. I haven't seen it, but I've heard bad things. I want a GOOD Dragonlance conversion.) This was one of two deaths in all of the literature that I've ever consumed that made me put the book down and back away for a second.

Est Solarus Oth Mithas, Sturm. You died like a man.

But the death that really got me thinking about writing this whole godforsaken mess was the Death of Fred Weasley in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. The death was one I never saw coming and it was a straight-up kick in the teeth, but it's one I hadn't dwelled on much. Fred's was the other death that made me put the book down and walk away and I went two nights straight without sleep when I had to work the next two mornings because I couldn't wait to get to the end. I was that fascinated. It's just that so many characters went down in that last fight. It was like reading Military SF for a bit there but that makes sense because the characters were at war.

But what got me back into thinking about it was my time in the aforementioned Hogwarts Pensieve. Every term we have a set of daily themes that changes. Last term Tuesday's theme was Twin Tuesday. I logged on that day excited. I've always loved the twins because of their genius (and let's face it, they invented an entire shop full of gags and jokes) and their sense of humor. The staff encourages everyone to post something about each days theme and they award House Points to everyone who does so. I logged on expecting to see a bunch of one-liners and pranks.

What I got was a bunch of “Poor George lost his brother.” I was a bit put off for a second, but the I realized that everyone who had posted something about that was right. Not only that, but I remembered when I had read it. Fred dying while fighting along his brothers Percy and Ron as well as Harry and She Who Would Be Sister-In-Law was unexpected, abrupt, unfair and shocking. In short, it captured the feeling of losing someone you love quickly really well and I can speak from experience. My father drowned in a boating accident. I had plans with him the next day. The feeling for a literary character wasn't as intense as losing my father was, but it was similar. In a way, I've always kind of felt jealous of Ron and Percy because they got to be there at the end where I didn't.

I write fiction, although I have a problem finishing things. I have a tendency to see another idea and be like “Ooh, shiny.” I honestly hope that one day I can put together something as intense as the death of Fred or the perfection of the death of Sturm. I don't know how they did it, but it all worked out.

If you've got a favorite/most hated character death leave it in the comments. I'm always looking for a new perspective or something new to check out.

A few of the above mentioned products are available at the links below:

Eclipse: The Girl Who Saved the World by George Phillies.

Have you ever read a book (or watched a TV show or movie for that matter) that wasn't quite what you expected, but loved it anyway? I mean, it was a really good story, well paced, well written and thoroughly entertaining, but it didn't quite scan the way you thought it would? To the point where you'd read or watch it again but you're still kind of feeling like it's not quite in the genre you expected? I find myself at that point with Eclipse: The Girl Who Saved the World (The Shining Sea Book 1) by George Phillies. Don't get me wrong. I loved the book. It's just that...

Well...

I went into this expecting a Young Adult novel. And, to my complete, absolute and totally non-shocking sense of rightness, the main character and most of the important side characters are indeed teenagers. Some of their problems are things only teenagers would have to deal with. It's totally believable if you don't hold the fact that they have superhero powers against them  They are the main storyline of the book and they're all well-formed and entertaining people. It's just that well...

Eclipse has enough political intrigue and side drama to make a good Harry Turtledove or David Weber novel. Being a fan of both writers, I mean that as a compliment. I don't want to give too much away here because that's not what I do, but there are some damn good reasons for the intrigue and political feuding at the highest levels. It makes all kinds of sense and honestly the book wouldn't work without it, but it just doesn't feel YA to me.

Now that I'm done whining like a punk...

Yeah, it was a good book. I seriously enjoyed Eclipse. I've always loved international intrigue. Eclipse mixes in some alternate history as well and that's something I've always enjoyed. The point of historical departure of this one seems to be too deep in the past for me to find out what it would be precisely, but I am well aware that there are several polities here that did not exist either simultaneously or at all. I really enjoyed trying to figure out who went where though and if if you have a sense of world history well enough developed to pass a sixth grade history class you'll get the joke.

Phillies has a rather unique take on superheroic powers as well. It almost has a LitRPG feel to it. The way he talks about levels of powers and summoning power really feels almost like a game. It's something that anyone who has played any type of video game or tabletop RPG should find both enjoyable and easy to follow, but without feeling derivative and boring. I've never seen it done quite this way and I like it.

There are many action sequences in Eclipse and they are well thought out, well written, entertaining and internally consistent.  I want to see this thing on film. Well, I mean, not if I have to pay for all of the special effects myself, but I'd totally buy a ticket or two. I might even splurge on some popcorn, and maybe a DVD after it hit. Granted, I've got a fairly decent imagination, but some of these scenes are so well described and planned that I could see them in my head when I was reading the book. And if I'm left wanting to throw plasma bolts myself, well, what geek has never wanted to throw a plasma bolt? Or fly through space? Or teleport sans benefit of Mr. Scott? (Note: That's not a slam against Scotty. I'm a proud Scots-Irish lad and I love that guy.)

Our heroine is the titular Eclipse. I like this girl. At age thirteen she is one of the best educated, most intelligent heroes I've ever read. If the history she knows doesn't match ours that's because she comes from a different dimension and the history there _is_ different. She speaks several languages and collects books so rare that it makes a nerd like me jealous. Not only that but she manages to put her book collection together herself without assistance from any adults. She is caring, daring and brave. In short, she's the kind of girl I'd like my daughters to be with the added benefit of having having superpowers. Don't misunderstand: It would be cool to see Riley or Sealy take off  and fly outside the atmosphere under her own power, I just know it'll never happen.

Phillies spent a lot of time building the world I was whining about earlier and he did a fine job of it. The world is almost recognizeable. The United States is almost recognizeable. The differences are real enough to keep things interesting and to avoid confusion. He didn't do things by half. I truly enjoyed the geopolitical rivalries and the way things broke down. I think this might be part of what I mentioned earlier though.

A lot of modern day Americans (as in a HUGE supermajority) and especially younger Americans,  don't know much about history. I mean that seriously. They don't know American History. They don't know World History. They've been taught that Military History doesn't matter and they have no chance at all to understand the intersection of the three. That much having been said, the political stances taken by the US in Eclipse are much closer to what you would have expected out of the US in 1900 than in 2020. I worry that a lot of what made me enjoy Eclipse so much is going to make it hard for its intended audience to find it believable.

Having said that, I'd urge anyone over the age of probably twenty-five to check this thing out. I haven't conducted any surveys, but I'd be surprised if that didn't include the vast majority of my audience. So check this one out. I did. I'll be picking up the sequels as well. There are at least two of them that I know of.

Bottom Line: 4.5 out of 5 Namestones

Eclipse: The Girl Who Saved the World (The Shining Sea Book 1)
George Phillies
Self Published, 2018

Eclipse: The Girl Who Saved the World (The Shining Sea Book 1) is available for purchase at the following link. If you click it and buy literally anything at Amazon I get a small percentage at no additional cost to you.

It's the End of the World as We Know It... And I Read Fine

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Greetings from the Apocalypse friends! We're all on lockdown trying to not to die of boredom while we're hiding from the virus. As much as I'd like to tell you that I can cure Covid-19, I can't. What I can do is try to help rescue you from the plague of boredom.

In an effort to spare all of your lives, I have amassed a list of books (and some music) that are available for free or at au reduced price. Hopefully this will help you through the boring times.



I've sourced this list from contacts I have on Facebook who are either authors, publishers, or both, from mailing lists that I'm part of and from random stuff that came up on my FB feed as advertising.  I have not read most of what follows but nobody's perfect, right?

I thought about downloading/uploading covers for all of these books, but I'm not feeling that ambitious. I mean, I love you all, but I'm a lazy bum. So I'll just be posting links and a little bit about the books I know anything about.

Eclipse: The Girl Who Saved the World (This Shining Sea) by George Phillies. Currently on sale for $0.99.

Currently reading. Lots of fun.

Superhero/International Intrigue

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B07M9X3QYR/ref=tmm_kin_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=&sr=

Once Bitten, Twice Cursed by Elizabeth Godfrey, currently $0.99. Fantasy/Horror Vampire Based

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B018UZ0NH6?notRedirectToSDP=1&ref_=dbs_mng_calw_0&storeType=ebooks

Cartwright's Cavaliers by Mark Wandrey

Loved this one. On sale starting in a few hours  until April 6, 2020 for $0.99

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MRZKM95


This Fallen World - Post Apocalyptic Fiction

On sale now until March 26, 2020 for $0.99

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07KHLG54J


Salvage Title by Kevin Steverson

Loved this one. Space Opera/Sci Fi
On sale from March 26 to April 3, 2020 for $0.99

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07H8Q3HBV

Super Sync by Kevin Ikenberry

On Sale from March 30, 2020 until April 2, 2020 for $0.99

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07PGS545X/


Corona-Chan: Spreading the Love: Infectious Tales of Fantasy and Suspense Designed to Spread the Pulpdemic -Anthology with Multiple Authors Currently free on Amazon

https://www.amazon.com/Corona-Chan-Spreading-Infectious-Suspense-Pulpdemic-ebook/dp/B0865LLFW4/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=corona+chan&qid=1585007034&sr=8-2

The Borrowed World by Franklin Horton free on Amazon from March 27-31, 2020
Post Apocalyptic Fiction. Got an Amazon gift card and read the whole series in a week.


https://www.amazon.com/Borrowed-World-Novel-Post-Apocalyptic-Collapse/dp/B010X8V7OG/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?dchild=1&keywords=the+borrowed+world+series+book+1&qid=1585007234&sprefix=the+borrowed+world&sr=8-2

Maelstrom by Richard Paolinelli currently on sale for $0.99. Post-apocalyptic/alien invasion

Sounds fun/haven't read

https://www.amazon.com/Maelstrom-Richard-Paolinelli-ebook/dp/B00JNYQ8WS

The Timeless by Richard Paolinelli and Gibson Buffa Currently for sale for $0.99.

Time travel/space travel

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07HCNWBYW

Secret of the Sphinx (Timeless #2)

Time travel/space Travel. Currently on sale for $0.99


https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B083S959R9#


Reservations (Jack del Rio #1) by Richard Paolinelli currently on sale for $0.99.

Mystery/Thriller/Modern Day Western setting.


https://www.amazon.com/Reservations-Jack-Del-Rio-Book-ebook/dp/B0764D261B

Betrayals (Jack del Rio #2) by Richard Paolinelli. Currently on sale for $2.99.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07646WQZG

Endgames (Jack del Rio #3) Currently on sale for $2.99.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07642PV8B


Escaping Infinity by Richard Paolinelli curently on sale for $2.99

Fantasy/Thriller/Futuristic Setting

This was fun.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MU7VO42

When the Gods Fell by Richard Paolinelli. Currently on sale for $2.99.

Fantasy/Space Travel

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FB5BBHL

Planetary Anthology Series: Pluto Multiple Authors. Currently on sale for $2.99

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B081S745L7?notRedirectToSDP=1&ref_=dbs_mng_calw_0&storeType=ebooks

Planetary Anthology Series: Luna Multiple Authors. Currently on sale for $2.99

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B08462M5W8?notRedirectToSDP=1&ref_=dbs_mng_calw_1&storeType=ebooks

Planetary Anthology Series: Uranus. Multiple Authors. Currently on sale for $3.99

Twisted Mindflow: A Collection of Stories by Cedar Sanderson/Foreword by Sanford Begley. Currently free.

https://www.cedarwrites.com/shop/books/twisted-mindflow-a-collection-of-stories/


Lab Gremlins by Cedar Sanderson. Currently on sale for $0.99.

I had a lot of fun with this one.

Science Fantasy

https://www.amazon.com/Lab-Gremlins-Cedar-Sanderson-ebook/dp/B07JZDZRW3/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=lab+gremlins&qid=1585009716&sr=8-1

Jade Star by Cedar Sanderson. Currently on sale for $0.99.

Sounds Space-Opera-ish

https://www.amazon.com/Jade-Star-Tanager-Book-0-ebook/dp/B01JD1PGB4/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=jade+star+cedar+sanderson&qid=1585009822&sr=8-1

Snow in Her Eyes by Cedar Sanderson. Currently on sale for $0.99.

Mystery/Thriller/Fantasy Novella length

https://www.amazon.com/Snow-Her-Eyes-Cedar-Sanderson-ebook/dp/B074FPY5FH/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=snow+in+her+eyes&qid=1585009981&sr=8-3


I wasn't going to do anything with Book Funnel, but it says fifty Space Operas. I'm in! And it includes Ravages of Honor by Monalisa Foster.

https://books.bookfunnel.com/spaceoperashenanigans75/kncqpbp2cj

Too Secret Service by Declan Finn on sale March 25-31, 2020 for $0.99

Thriller

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07XTRM27H

Dances with Werewolves by Declan Finn. On sale March 25-31, 2020 for $0.99.

Paranormal Thriller

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07ZDHDYVX


Set to Kill by Declan Finn. On sale March 25-31, 2020.

Con Setting/Thriller

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01M8PKWD2

Dipped, Stripped and Dead (Daring Finds Book One) by Elise Hyatt. Currently on sale for $0.99.

Cozy Mystery. I love this whole series. I keep bothering the author for more of them. The good news is that she hasn't killed me for being annoying yet. The bad news is that she hasn't released one for awhile.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B06WW1ZCZD/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=accordingtoho-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=B06WW1ZCZD&linkId=bef2e6ea311d3122cf4d7199f840c8db



French Polished Murder (Daring Finds #2) by Elise Hyatt. Currently on sale for $0.99.

Cozy Mystery (See comments above)

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B06XHY2HV7/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=accordingtoho-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=B06XHY2HV7&linkId=ea4ee2465149623132fdb14863d03d56

A Fatal Stain (Daring Finds #3) by Elise Hyatt. Currently on sale for $0.99.

Cozy Mystery (see comments above)

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B06XHY2HV7/ref=as_li_qf_asin_il_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=accordingtoho-20&creative=9325&linkCode=as2&creativeASIN=B06XHY2HV7&linkId=ea4ee2465149623132fdb14863d03d56

The Magical Shakespeare Omnibus by Sarah Hoyt. Currently on sale for $0.99.

Self explanatory based on title

https://www.amazon.com/Magical-Shakespeare-Omnibus-Sarah-Hoyt-ebook/dp/B00C2Y3MB6/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Hoyt+omnibus&qid=1584988314&s=digital-text&sr=1-1&swrs=C57E88767CAAF209493E32D300D0482D

Witchfinder by Sarah Hoyt Currently on Sale for $0.99

I like this. I read it before I started the blog though.

Fantasy

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=B00JHNZXZS&camp=1789&creative=9325&linkCode=xm2&linkId=edae38d40682ad8cba1eb63643a4ea19&tag=accordingtoho-20&ref=as_li_qf_sp_sr_il_tl

Deep Pink (Magis Book One) by Sarah Hoyt. Currently on sale for $0.99

Urban Fantasy/Mystery

Haven't Read/Sounds like fun

https://accordingtohoyt.com/2020/03/22/a-sale-for-while-youre-housebound/

Sword's Edge (Swords Edge Chronicles Book 1) by Lee S. King. Currently on sale for $2.99.

Epic Fantasy with an SF twist

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00IYEZDLK

Deuces Wild: Beginner's Luck by Lee S. King. Currently on sale for $1.99

Space Opera with Gangsters. I need to read this.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00ITHMT0K

Footnotes From the Apocalypse by Lloyd a Behm. On sale from March 25-31 for $0.99.

Post Apocalyptic/Plague Related.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0786Y15QB

The Unexpected Enlightenment of Rachel Griffin by L. Jagi Lamplighter. Currently free.

I had a lot of fun with this one.

Fantasy/British Boarding School

https://www.amazon.com/Unexpected-Enlightenment-Rachel-Griffin-Books-ebook/dp/B01FVJ7DAY/ref=mp_s_a_1_7?dchild=1&keywords=l+jagi+lamplighter&qid=1585013268&sr=8-7

Legends of Wales Duology by Sarah Woodbury. Currently free.

Fantasy/Arthurian Legend

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07RHDSKNW?tag=swoodbury-20

From Continue: Black & White Graegan Edition (Teller of Destiny Book 1) by A.H. de Carrasco. Currently free.

Epic Fantasy. Just downloaded. Sounds good.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B079W4PQPX/ref=tsm_1_fb_lk


Last Stand: Surviving America's Collapse (A Post-Apocalyptic, EMP-Survival Thriller Book 1) (The Last Stand Series) by William H Weber. Currently free.

Post Apocalyptic/Prepper Fiction

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JZW10HQ/ref=tsm_1_fb_lk

Of course, I also have to mention the Baen Books Free Library. I'm not going to lust all the titles. There's a lot there though and it's all free.
https://www.baen.com/allbooks/category/index/id/2012

And last, but certainly not least, man does not survive on words alone. We need tunes too. And Mikey Mason has all of his albums for free on bandcamp.com right now.


https://mikeymason.bandcamp.com/

I love Mikey's stuff.

That's what I've got folks. If you've got anything, feel free to drop it in the comments. Thank you to all those who responded to requests for info about promotions.

Interview with Allan Yoskowitz of Doomed Scholar Studios

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Jimbo: As you should already know, we at Jimbo's (all one of us) love to promote the up and comer. I've also made a comment or two about the way things are going in entertainment and how that needs to change. I feel happy to announce that I have come across a person who I believe is headed toward giving us all the type of entertainment that we need moving forward. His name is Allan Yoskowitz, and he is the founder of Doomed Scholar Studios. Say Hi Allan!

Allan:  Hey out there.  Hope you are all well.

Jimbo: So tell us a little about what you're looking to do with Doomed Scholar Studios. Kind of a broad mission statement. 

Allan: Too much of what we’re given is about socio-political messaging these days, and not whether or not the people watching are enjoying it.  The point of watching TV or a movie is because you enjoy it!  All we are getting (a lot of the time) is a lecture.

Jimbo: Ok, I hear you about all of the woke stuff, but just to be sure, you're not talking about excluding people, right? Isn't it more about providing quality programming?

Allan:  I am not talking about excluding anyone.  People have the right to enjoy what they’re watching, and Doomed Scholar Studios is going to give them (to use your words) ‘quality programming’ to watch.

Jimbo: Alright, I understand what you're saying. So tell me this. Do you have anything you're working on now that you can kind of hint at? Just to kind of give people an idea of what you're working toward in more concrete terms.

Allan: There are a few...  I can tell you I really haven’t seen anything out there like what we’re talking about. 

Jimbo: Awesome. Ok, so obviously you're looking to start a business making movies and TV shows, hence the words “studios” in Doomed Scholar Studios. But tell me this Allan: Are you also working on anything in print or online?

Allan:  I’ve coauthored two novels, Codename: WINTERBORN and Codename: UNSUB with Declan Finn.  Post-apocalyptic science fiction.  I haven’t really written anything in a long while, beyond the development of the concepts that are being developed for DSS.

 Jimbo: Awesome. Now, I've been following you a bit on the Facebook group you just mentioned. Something you talk about frequently is entertainment as a business and how it's important to make a profit. I love that angle. Tell us all a bit about what you think the importance of making a profit is.

Allan: The United States is a capitalist nation.  Entertainment companies (in a capitalist nation) are is supposed to produce material people will enjoy in order to make money from the effort.  

Maybe it won’t all be on a show directly.  Maybe selling toys or something else related to the show…

But that’s the purpose behind a business.  To make money on a product or a service, whatever it is…  like a doctor’s care, or paying money to go to a theater and see a movie. 

But there are specific people you need to make a good profit for if you want to keep getting your paycheck.  

Your investors.  

You want to make good money for yourself?  You make good money for them.  Simple.

Jimbo: I get it. Let me ask you this though, Allan: Would you call a movie, for instance, that lost money a success or a failure? What about a TV show that didn't pull in enough viewers to pay its bills?

Allan:  Like I said, the ultimate purpose of a movie or a TV show is to make money.   If they didn’t make a profit, I’d have to call either a failure, no matter what I thought of them personally.

To be a success both have to make a profit; even if they pay off whatever it cost to make the project, they have to make a good profit for the investors or those investors aren’t going to give you money to make more movies/shows.

Jimbo: Ok, so what you're saying is that, as the head of Doomed Scholar Studios, you're looking to make products that not only entertain, but also make money does that sound right? If so, what types of content are you looking to both include and exclude to make a good product?

Allan: That’s absolutely right.  I want people to enjoy watching what we’re giving them, and because they’re enjoying it, spend the money to see future projects.  To want to see the characters again, and to spend their money on being able to (by, say, buying our material on a streaming service, or buying related goods).  

What types of content do we want to include and exclude to ‘make a good product’.  That’s actually a very tough question, Jimbo sir.  Like I said, we want to keep politics and social messaging from becoming a ‘major issue’ in our product.  They are going to ‘show up’, I am not going to deny it’s a part of life to see those things.

There are a lot of issues I’d like to avoid, but that isn’t possible.  Things like race, religion and sexuality.    They’re part of life, and you have to acknowledge them as part of life.

Doing that doesn’t mean we have to make a lot out of them, though.

Jimbo: Hold on, Allan. Are you honestly telling me that you can make a good show, whether for TV or a movie, without including overt political messaging? Isn't that a bit of a reactionary stance on your part?

Allan:  We can’t eliminate every political or social issue… but we don’t have to be blunt with them.  Keep it subtle, and if anything, you’ll have viewers talking more about what they’re watching because they’re talking about what their favorite characters are saying, and what the ongoing storylines mean… and they’ll keep watching to find out.

Jimbo: Wow. I like that stance. It's something I've encouraged here on my blog as well.  Ok, Allan, one more thing before I let you go: I know I'm not a perfect interviewer. I always feel like I've left the one thing that my guest most wanted to talk about off the list when I do this. So, tell me, what else should I have asked you? Don't forget to answer your own question.

Allan: Well, why am I doing this.   I am a martial arts instructor; I have been practicing Taekwondo for thirty years, and am a fourth degree black belt.  I assist with instructing kid’s classes.  I want them to have fun when they’re watching something, just like they have fun at the school.

I enjoyed going to the movies and watching TV when I was younger.  I want them (and their families) to enjoy it the same way I did, and hopefully someday to enjoy it that way with my own family.

These days when they watch, they’re getting lectured.  How is that fun?

Jimbo: Awesome. Thanks for sharing that and thanks for stopping by Jimbo's. You're welcome back at any time Allan. Make sure you keep us posted on any projects that you have coming up!

Allan: Well, with my thanks, Jimbo sir.  I’ll let you know what we have going at some point in the near future, believe me!

P.S. Allan wanted me to mention that he is currently having a contest to design the logo for DSS. Please join the Doomed Scholar Studios group on Facebook and/or MeWe if you plan to enter. Rules are listed below:

1. Any submissions must be personal, original work (preferably by a member of the DSS group)
2. Submissions can be hand-drawn or computer-developed.
3. Submissions (images) must be 'signed'.
4. Images cannot be 'graphic' (they cannot contain blood, nudity or violent activity)
5. ONE image per competitor.
6. .JPG, .PNG, .GIF and .PDF files accepted (up to 2MB)

Send work TO:

http://www.gkmasterson.com/doomed-scholar-studios-icon-submission/

Great Sidekicks of Science Fiction and Fantasy

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(This is not my work. If I had any clue who made it I would credit them.)

So I saw this meme posted last night and it got me thinking. I love Ron (DON'T CALL ME WON WON) Weasley. I mean, who doesn't love a guy who does everything he can for his friends? Who doesn't love a guy who sacrifices himself to save others? I mean, there are times when I found Ron to be a bit dense and sometimes a little annoying. Let's face it though, even though sidekicks can get on our nerves sometimes, they're important and our heroes would frequently be in a huge bind without them. So without further ado (or any adon't for that matter. Why does everyone forget about that?) I present to you Jimbo's Totally Awesome List of Totally Awesome Sidekicks of Awesomeness. Or Sumfin'. Look, titles aren't my thing.


Ron Weasley: Whoever wrote that meme did a better job of this than I probably could, but you have to mention the kid. The way he sacrificed himself in Wizard's Chess would have earned him a medal in any military on Earth. He's heroic and self-sacrificing. He eats a lot and can't always see the obvious, but that's no his job. Ron is sidekick excellence personified and he amazes me because of it.

Chewbacca: Oh, I'm going to take some for this one. But yes, Chewie was totally Han's sidekick. He went where Han said. He did what Han did. He handled the little stuff. I mean, he had a bigger gun and that's cool, but when push came to shove, he followed Han. He made no move to better himself, really. He was the main supporting character in Solo. This dude is a sidekick.


Robin: Yeah, this one's obvious, I know. I can't leave it off though. Listen, I started reading comics in like the first grade but even before that I was watching the 1960s Batman live action TV show. I wanted to be Robin with the big yellow cape and all of the cool toys to play with. I mean, seriously, who doesn't want a Batarang to throw at bullies? So, yeah. I mean, he got to live in a big house and run around in a cave. He got to ride in a car that blew literal fire out of the tailpipe. He got to solve crimes and kick butt. And oh yeah, he helped Batman too. This is kind of an ironic pick for me because I stopped watching DC movies after Batman and Robin came out (the “Holey Rusted Metal comment set me off and I'm not sure why) but, let's face it. Dick Grayson/Burt Ward for the win! Screw the movies, they sucked anyway.


Samwise Gamgee:

Frodo: No, Sam. I'm going alone.

Sam: I know, Mr. Frodo. And I'm coming with ya!

So it's been a minute since I've read the books or watched the movies and I probably borked the quote. I blame you for remembering it wrong. Obviously, being the all-seeing and all-knowing Jimbo, I would know better than you what was said. Or sumfin'. Maybe I'm just talking to hear my head rattle. I'll never tell.

Sam is Ron's only real competition for best sidekick EV-AR!! I really mean that. This guy went the distance when no one else could. He stood by his main character through everything. Frodo's mission was Sam's life's work. He put up with Gollum when he didn't have a choice. He fought giant spiders and did whatever was necessary. He even ate crap food without complaining (much) and he was a freaking hobbit. He sought no glory for himself, he worked only to help his friend in one of the hardest times of his life. Of course, I'd have been making missing finger jokes all the way home from Mount Doom and, from what I can tell, he never did that but nobody's perfect. So should Frodo give him a four out of five or a nine out of ten? (Give it a minute and you'll get it. Maybe.)

The Narrator in the Mikey Mason song (Not Quite) The Chosen One: He wasn't given a name in the song, but he will be named Tiberious in an upcoming novel. I can't wait to read this one, because I bet it's going to be awesome. At any rate, this guy finds directions, holds torches and cleans dragon shit off of treasure. I mean, seriously, listen to the song (I hear his music is free on bandcamp.com right now due to Covid 19) and laugh your hindquarters off. Seriously, this guy rocks.

Andy Keaton: Somewhere out there someone under thirty-five is staring at their screen confused right now. Listen, if you haven't seen Family Ties I'd imagine that it's got to be available for streaming somewhere. This kid used to crack me up. At five he could itemize big-brother Alex's decuctions for him. He went everywhere and idolized his big brother. This kid was so fun to watch. And no, that's not Science Fiction or Fantasy, but what the hey?

Screech: While my opinion of Dustin Diamond is a bit lower than what it probably should be considering the fact that I'm a Christian, the fact remains that Screech was what made the rest of the gang work. His comic relief was epic. He was the classic spaz. I miss this guy. And besides, as a nerdish type myself I couldn't help but identify with him.

Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

I fought with this one, but it's true. Inigo Montoya is a man's man with his own goals, yet he sets them aside to help his buddy Westley. Montoya ultimately does realize his own goal but only while assisting in the pursuit of Westley's. He's a monster swordsman. I feel it every time he yells “I want my father back you son-of-a-bitch because I lost my dad a long time ago. The circumstances were different but the feeling is the same. But hey, they all rescued Buttercup and Montoya helped make the movie interesting in spite of the acting of Andre the Giant.
So that's what I've got. Feel free to drop some of your favorites in the comments.

Some products related to the properties above are available for purchase at the links below. If you click my link and buy literally anything from Amazon I get a small percentage of your purchase.

Rusty and Company by Mike R.

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Some Dungeons and Dragons campaigns are super serious. They are over the top intense with lots of political intrigue and massive consequences for each mis-step of the Player Characters. There may be a damsel fair that needs saving, or an imminent invasion coming from just over the horizon. There will almost certainly be a need for gallantry and derring-do. Life and death will hang in the balance with every die roll and you'll have an extra character rolled-up and stashed in your Player's Handbook just in case the worst happens. I've played in those campaigns. They're a hoot.

You know what else I like though?

Campaigns full of hi-jinx and hilarity. Campaigns where zaniness is a daily occurrence. Campaigns where nothing is as it seems because it's all funnier. Campaigns like the one depicted in Rusty and Company by Mike R.   (By the way, does anybody know what the R stands for?) I mean seriously, what could be funnier than a campaign where the PCs are a Rust Monster, a Mimic and a Gelatinous Cube.

No, really. I'm asking because I don't know either.  Anyone? Bueller?

Thanks for all the help guys. *smirk*

Seriously, Mimic is my favorite. He's the one who usually speaks for the party, since Cube doesn't have a mouth and Rusty really only thinks about eating metal. I mean, that's what rust monsters do, soooo....

Yeah.

It makes sense right?

Listen, I'll be the first to admit that Rusty and Co. is not really for the guy who thinks that the Battle of Helm's Deep was a relaxing waltz through easy-land. If you're the kind that demands grimdark, well there are definitely things out there for those tastes. If, on the other hand, you're the kind of person (like Mr. Jimbo my own-self) who likes to watch the gag reel, or the guy who refuses to take himself too seriously, then you NEED to start reading Rusty and Company.

The art for this comic is freaking gorgeous. I loved it from the second I discovered it. It's lush, well detailed and rendered in amazingly bright colors. I can't get over how well this thing looks. It's weird. I grew up in the days when comics were either purchased from your Local Comic Shop (whom I loves and respects) or printed in your local newspaper (which actually do still exist even if they've become way more expensive than they used to be.) In short, they were always in hardcopy. The weird thing is, even if it was a Steranko, no comic in 1985 ever looked this good. And yes, I know that the reason for that is technology but for an old fart like me, it's easy to appreciate something this gorgeous.

I love the way Rusty and Co. is organized. If you've ever played Dungeons and Dragons, or really any tabletop role-playing game, then you get how it works. The heroes go off on an adventure. Whilst (I got to use whilst in a sentence. Five points for Jimbo!) doing so, they encounter many different things, some good, some bad, some ugly. They overcome the obstacles (probably) achieve their goals (hopefully) and return none the worse for wear (who am I kidding?) to find that all is good in their favorite hang out (or possibly that the town has been razed by marauding orcs) and toss back a few good beers in the presence of their companions (unless of course, the orcs got the inn when they sacked the town or they're a bunch of broke level ones who are happy to be able to afford cheap swill.)

Mike R. sets his web-comic up pretty much the same way. He calls them “levels” just like when you level in your favorite RPG, but each level is an adventure onto itself. As they make their way through challenges using methods not always available to the common adventuring group (I mean, can your rogue rust a lock and then eat it?) we're entertained and often surprised. Mike R. likes to think outside the box and it shows in his writing. Then again, I suppose my first clue should have been when his comic featured the cast that it did.

Between levels/adventures we're treated to Critical Missives, an interview/letter answering interlude. The art is not as gorgeous (it's black and white for one thing) but I'm pretty sure he does it for a break and there's nothing better than Mimic answering questions. If he was any funnier, he'd be the Rock. I love reading Critical Missives if for no other reason than because it's a good way to chuckle and get my Rusty fix while Mike works out his next level.

My only real gripe about Rusty and Co. is that it's only a once a week web-comic I mean, I get the fact that I get to read it for free and that Mike R. probably has other things going on in his life and that I should probably stop complaining...

I saw you all nod when I said “stop complaining.” You're not ALWAYS supposed to agree with me, only when I want you to. I mean honestly, please catch up.

...But honestly, it's a long time between Wednesdays. I mean, I suppose he needs his time to make the comic as well as he can and he's doing an amazeballs job, but I'm a whiny fan (you weren't supposed to agree with me here, either. *SIGH*) and I'm going to cry uselessly until my nose gets plugged and my head hurts just because I can. I mean, it's my blog, right?

Of course, I see you all thinking out there. You're wondering if, over the course of roughly two hundred comics, whether the group expands to include more than just the three characters that I've named and who they might be.

*Looks over right shoulder*

*Looks over left shoulder*

Lean close and I'll whisper then answer in your ear.

*waits until you lean in close*

READ THE COMIC AND YOU'LL FIND OUT!!!!

Haven't you people learned that I don't do spoilers? Sheesh!

Bottom Line: 4.75 out of 5 Lost N00bs

The first Rusty and Co comic (and you really should start at the beginning) can be found at this link.