The Library Bards!

What do you get when you cross Weird Al and Mikey Mason? If you're anything you get excited and a sprained finger from trying to switch your Spotify and find out what the hype is abou...

Wait, that's not how that was supposed to go. I'll try again.

What do you get when you Cross Weird Al and Mikey Mason? You get the Library Bards! They're a group that I just found out about accidentally while clicking suggestions on Spotify in search of something new and, let me tell you, I'm impressed. 

Seriously, it doesn't get much better than nerdy parodies when I'm trying to keep myself sane while participating in repetitive tasks and, if people look at me funny because I'm singing D-N-D to the tune of AC/DC's TNT well, they're the confused ones. I know what I'm talking about. They only think they do.

And seriously, this is an all ages show, with parodies of everyone from the aforementioned AC/DC and Styx to Miley Cyrus. Topics include everything from Star Wars to comics books, to Dungeons & Dragons, to Pokemon and other geeky thing. They even have a single called Grammar Got Run Over. I guess I found them at the right time.

It's worth mentioning that one of the members of the group is Bonnie Gordon, formerly of ABC's The Quest. I've been a fan of her music since she wrote The Ballad of Sir Ansgar the Fierce. And I can honestly assure you that my admiration for her is based strictly on musical talent and hard work and has nothing to do with her long red hair, good looks or geeky atti...

COUGH

HACK

WHEEZE

AHEM

Look, I tried. I failed. But whatever. It is what it is. It's not my fault she's hot. And she's done a bunch of other stuff, too including working as the computer voice on Star Trek: Prodigy. Anyone who played on Star Trek can sing to me. Notice that I didn't mention playing trombone. Seriously, I played trombone in high school and Will Riker was my reassurance that I wasn't the worst trombone player in history. But I digress...

I mean, digression is kind of what I'm good at right?

Her co-conspirator in an evil plot to make us all feel happy and entertained is Xander Jeanneret who has a reality TV show background of his own, having been on TBS' King of the Nerds. I didn't realize that, having never seen King of the Nerds, but I might just see if I can track it down on streaming  to see if I can figure out who stole my title.  I'm sure they know who the TRUE King of the Nerds is and that all of you read his blog, but I doubt that they'd admit it publicly.

The Library Bards have released two albums: Bombarder and Bardcore. I loved both albums. They're produced well and sound good. Their Wikipedia article says that the bards hire people to produce their background music. This is a good thing because, while both are excellent singers and lyricists, knowing one's own limitations is a good thing. They seem to have overcome those admirably by hiring someone else for their strengths.

Bombarded has probably my favorite Library Bards song: DND. I think I mentioned it already, but I don't care. Listen, this is quality. Who doesn't love a song about their favorite tabletop role playing game? Who doesn't love AC/DC? Why wouldn't you love a crossover between the two? I mean seriously. The Princess Bride is another favorite movie (I have not, alas, read the book) and a great song. Come Fly Away crosses Styx's Come Sail Away with Star Wars. 

Bardcore starts off with a reminder that the Library Bards are All About That Space (No Tribbles!). That one has me rolling everytime. Gandalf features Gollum rapping. Read that again. Rapping freaking Gollum. ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED? If not, I suggest holding on for when they come in like a Pokeball, or when Bonnie reminds us all that she's a Geeky Girl. Trust me, Bonnie, we notice. Or at least I did. I mean, I know you're a celebrity and probably get this all the time..

Yeah, never mind. I've got no chance. A guy can dream though, right?

While you're listening to Bardcore, listen to Finn and Poe for me and let me know what song they're parodying here. I recognize it but I can't come up with it. The answer to this greatest of all conundrums is on the tip of my tongue, but I have no answer and I was flirting with insanity before I listened to it. Somebody help your boy out here. I deserve it. 

Or sumfin'

And, as I've been told by many World of Warcraft players, Shut Up and Raid. (That's one of their singles.) Who am I fooling. I was the official floor inspector for both of my guilds: Atonement and Sadistic Betrayal. I got the nick because I was constantly lying on the floor dead. I was good at my job too. The best tasting flooring in all of Azeroth is at the Wikket boss fight in Return to Kharazan. Strongly oaky, with a slight hint of Murphy's Oil Soap. And, OMG did we wipe a lot there. 

And since I'm writing this on Christmas Day (night) I have to mention their other single: Grammar Got Run Over. Not only is it hilarious and awesome, it's also seasonal. I loved it.

I had mentioned something on my Facebook about the Library Bards becoming my new geeky obsession, but that's a little iffy. That's not because the music isn't good enough to obsess over. They've got it going on there. My problem is that they've only got two albums out. When I freaked out over Mikey Mason he had, I think, six albums out AND I got to listen him write a song on Facebook. It was great. I'm not trying to be mean here, though. I'm actually giving the Library Bards the biggest compliment I can give an artist/group of artists: I want more of your art. MAKE ME ANOTHER ALBUM!!! Or, make it for yourselves and I'll listen to it. Either way, more is better and less is NOT more. Trust me on this one.

Bottom Line: 5.0 out of 5 Rocking Tracks

ABC's The Quest

Who out there has ever played Dungeons and Dragons or World of Warcraft? Have you read The Dragonlance Chronicles or the Lightbringer series? Have you ever dreamed of being Frodo or Aragon, Sturm or Caramon? Who here has watched The Dragonslayer or The Princess Bride and wished that they could be there, if only for a second to feel the triumph over evil and see justice done? How does that dream about reforging Narsil to defeat the evil demon go again? Have you defeated Lassic or watched Garrosh Hellscream fall dead at your feet? If you get some of these references, you'll love The Quest by ABC. If you get most of them you may have seen it already. If you get all of them and you haven't see it already you obviously don't watch much television.

The Quest is the story of the Twelve Paladins: Reality show contestants who have signed up to fight for the honor of becoming the One True Hero. They battle each other and the enemy. The Quest comes with a twist though: It is not just a reality show. It is also a story about the Kingdom of Everealm and it's fight against Verlox the Darkness. The Twelve Paladins are warriors in the service of the kingdom and competitors for the title of the One True Hero; the person who gets to rebuild the Sunspear and use it to defeat Verlox and free the Kingdom.

The storyline is constantly front and center of the show. The challenges (similar in concept to something you would see on Survivor) follow along with the story of the show, beginning with the training of the neophyte Paladins and continuing through the fight: In later episodes the remaining Paladins (once of each is eliminated in each episode) are actually tested on different aspects of the war itself. Each challenge produces a winner who is awarded with a Mark of a given heroic attribute, sponsored by one of the local kingdoms. It also produces a losing team, or sometimes just collection of people who came in last, of three people who then go to another challenge for immunity. After the immunity challenge, which the contestants refer to as a Fates' Challenge, the two remaining contestants go before the fates to be judged by the other contestants. The final voting is my favorite part of the process.

In most reality shows, the voting is done behind closed doors and whisper campaigns are the rule and voting is done in secret, with the results revealed by the host. Not in Everealm. The Quest has it's own system. Once the two candidates are eliminated, the remaining Paladins are sent out to debate their merits around a table, in the open. After the debate (only a couple of minutes on screen, I'm not sure how long in actuality) the Paladins are led back in front of the fates where the two candidates wait to learn their fate, then line up behind them. When the candidates turn around they see everyone who voted for them, and everyone who did not. This works because the final winner is chosen in a competition and not by vote. It also helps, along with the storyline itself, to get rid of a lot of the backstabbing and intrigue that goes on in games like Survivoror Big Brother. Throughout the show the Paladins are searching for people who exemplify the virtues that the One True Hero should possess.

The fantasy elements of this show are pervasive. The contestants begin the season living and training in a castle. There are fights between sword and spear equipped armies and smaller scale combats between our heroes and Ogres. When Verlox the Darkness is revealed he is shown to be something other than human. There is a crone and a dragon. Potions and orbs abound. Scorpions (Roman-era ballista) are used in quite a few episodes as are swords, shields, bows and of course the Sunspear. At the end of every episode the eliminated Paladin is shown as disappearing magically in a puff of smoke. This seriously is like reading a good fantasy novel (Honestly, if someone from ABC happens across this review I would recommend commissioning a novelization. If it were well done it would sell a ton of copies. I'd buy the first one.) while watching an awesome reality show.

The cast of the show, outside of the Paladins, is also a huge attraction. The heroes are welcomed and guided by Crio, the Steward f the Queen, who is important to the plot in her own right. They are trained by Sir Ansgar the Fierce, a knight with a bit of a temper at times. The Royal Vizier is a regular sight and not the most popular person among the Paladins. Other Non Player Characters are best left as a surprise, but all are entertaining.

My only real complaint about the first season is that it wasn't long enough. The series started with the Twelve Paladins and given that the last challenge is fought by all three remaining contestants, that only leaves us with ten episodes. The storyline does manage to complete over the course of the season but I feel like it could have been extended and enriched. Maybe I'm just complaining because I watched it all in a day and I wanted it to last longer, but I can't help but shake the feeling that a few more Paladins and a few more episodes would have make the show that much more rewarding for viewers and players alike.

I won't spoil the ending except to say that I really enjoyed it. The competition part didn't turn out quite the way I wanted it to, neither my first or second choice won, but the ending to the storyline was pretty epic. There were obviously some special effects employed, thus lowering the "reality" of the reality show, but it's a fantasy storyline so it was necessary. Seeing all of the  Twelve Paladins back in action was both rewarding and fun as well. As for the Sunspear and the final battle with Verlox the Darkness? Watch the show and you'll find out.

Bottom Line: 5.0 out of 5 Marks of Appreciation

The Quest 
ABC, 2014


The Quest is available for streaming or digital download here: