Kate Paulk's ConVent

The Con Starts. The immortals show up. Bad things happen. Hilarity ensues. Some people I recognize are there, and I'm not sure if the serial numbers just weren't filed off hard enough or if they were never meant to be. Whatever, I recognize some of them and it makes it more fun. Bodies, rituals, black magic and summonings abound. In one case, Kate crosses the line and actually has someone bitten by a werewolf in well... a place that no man should ever be bitten by a werewolf. I laughed my tail off. If you're wondering, I'm referring to Kate Paulk's Convent Book One of the Con Series. There is also a prequel short-story? novella? (sorry, I didn't count the words) and a second book and many of us out there are waiting (im)patiently for the third.

For those that don't know, this is a work of Fantasy with no true SF elements to it. Don't get me wrong I love Fantasy. I write Fantasy. But if you're looking for rockets and ray-guns, you may be better off looking elsewhere. On the other hand, if you love a good story with a strong fantastic element and a hint of detective novel tossed in, this is the place to look.

Before I get too far into the book, I wanted to mention Kate's involvement with the Sad Puppies. She is next year's evil, evil, evil ringleader. If you support evil, mean people who evilly think that you should evilly vote for good fiction written by evil people who evilly put story over message (because they're evil) she's worth supporting. Oh, and her book also kicks ass, but we'll get to that in a minute. I just wanted to take a minute to give evil praise to Her Evilness, The Duchess of Snark. Does that make me evil? Probably. I'm OK with that. Now, onto the book.

Our hero is a vampire named Jim. Thank God that Paulk manages to NOT make her vampire a sparkly ass who trolls high schools looking for a date. (For the record, yes I do know about Twilight. I watched the first two movies with my ex-wife and read the first hundred-forty pages of the first book.  I ALWAYS give a book at least a hundred-fifty pages. That one was just unbearable.) Jim is also a believable character on an emotional level, as he travels the con scene because he can be weird there. Granted, I've never been a blood-sucking vampire, but I do kind of know the feeling.

Jim has the standard vampire gifts: He will never die of natural causes, is nearly impossible to kill, can use the vampire charm, etc. He also has a few extra gifts: He is a day-walker, he can ground magical effects and he seems to be favored by well.. I won't spoil that part. Let's just say he was as surprised as I was and that Ms. Paulk would appear to have a strong sense of the ironic.

Along the way, we meet Jim's friends. I don't want to reveal too much because the appearance of some of them (and the subsequent time spent going "Hey, I know that person) were a big part of the fun of the book for me and I don't want to ruin it for anyone who hasn't read the book yet.  Seriously, it's a good time. I will reveal that he is friends with one werewolf, two succubi, a minor angel and one demon of a rank he is unsure of. There are also other, less friendly immortals about. Indeed, most (if not all) of the tension in the book comes from the interactions between characters that aren't truly human.

Being a con, there's a lot of interaction going on between publishers, agents and authors. Paulk's vision of the publishing industry is hysterically funny even if it is a bit more negative than a newbie unpublished wannabe author (ya know, like the one that publishes this blog) wants to hear, but that doesn't mean it's not entertaining or, for all I know, fairly accurate. I do, however, have it on good authority that Paulks observations about authors being addicted to chocolate and coffee are, if not accurate, then understated.

 I don't want to give up the ending here but I do want to say that it was as satisfying as it was funny. I'll be honest in stating that I didn't get all of it, but it was great nonetheless. A little asskickery crossed with some hijinks and hilarity will make my day every time. Trust me. Your first time reading this will leave you a little grossed out by what you've just read, but it's a laughing with my buddies after a disgusting bodily function kind of grossed out.

Fair warning: If you find yourself offended by sexual innuendos and the occasional double entendre this is not the book for you. If you are not offended and are capable of getting a giggle at mild sexual humor like most adults, check this work out. I loved it. There is nothing I appreciate more than a sly one liner and these characters spit them out in spades. Sean, the werewolf, also kind of reminds me of a teenaged version of myself, except more successful than I ever dreamed of being. (OK, not really. I dream big. But definitely more successful than I ever actually was.)

All in all, this is a really solid story with no major flaws. Really, my only complaint is that the Nook edition (possibly other ones as well, but that's the version I read) doesn't allow me to shrink the text down to the normal size that I used when I read. This is far from a horrible thing, but my poor little finger started getting sore from all of the page flipping. I'm just too used to having a page of text on my screen at one time, I guess. That didn't effect the story though, because the story was awesome. Other than that, the book was well written and made an excellent translation on to my favorite device.


Bottom Line: 4.5 out of 5 startled fen.

ConVent
Kate Paulk
Naked Reader Press, 2011

Conventcan be purchased at the link below:

Grinning in anticipation

Yes, I am _well_ aware that this is a review blog and I've been badly off topic the last two days. That's unfortunate. However: It's my bloggie and I'll post if I want to. That's just me.  One day I'll learn to focus on only the goal of the blog and ignore everything else. Yah. And monkeys might fly out of my butt. Anyway...

Amanda Green, has noted some of the vitriol by the enemies of the Sad Puppies. It seems that Steve Davidson of Amazing Stories (noted SJW rag and former promoter of SF/F as a genre. That being, of course, before they started to promote SF/F as a progressive social movement) has a problem with people buying memberships to support their favorite authors. He says; "Right now they’re probably anticipating the announcement with a certain amount of glee, since “leaks” (from the nominees most likely) seem to be indicating that a goodly percentage of those on the final ballot were championed by the Sad Puppy recommended voting slate." I hate to admit it, but you're right Steve. No, you're not just right, you're DAMN RIGHT.

See, I do admit to a certain sadistic glee in watching all of you Social Justice types squirm. There is nothing more personally satisfying to me than seeing Special Snowflakes who run around saying things like "Right now, a lot of involved folks are starting to seriously ask how fandom is going to handle this growing problem." because LORD (can I say that, or is it offensive?) and then following it with "The real, long term solution is to create more participation in the voting..." Note an Mr. Davidson: That's what the Sad Puppies are doing. I know of precisely one person who voted for the Hugo Awards prior to the rise of the Sad Puppies that is voting with them this year. She started voting the year before the SP movement began with many of the same goals.

He can't have it both ways, but he's convinced that he can. I've seen this attitude from many SJWs both inside and outside of SF/F fandom. The automatic assumption is that everyone believes as they do and if more people just voted they'd win every election. Word to the Left: It doesn't work like that. There are plenty of us out there that are sick of your crap. Screaming about inclusion doesn't work when your real goal is to lock the people you disagree with out.

The real kicker is that Davidson whines about the SPs making money when he works for a FOR PROFIT SJW RAG err.... SF/F magazine. Writing is a business. This blog was started with the goal of monetization and money for little old me. The professional authors that have headed up the SP movement (along with Evil League of Evil member and Duchess of Snark Kate Paulk, who will be leading the charge next year) realize that. You'd think Davidson would too. Apparently, he's got more important things in mind for the business he works for than making money. I'm not sure how his financial backers feel about that. It's weird. Winning a Hugo used to guarantee sales. A Hugo logo on the cover of a book was a sign that it was worth the money a fan would pay for it. It's not until Davidson and his ilk began to take over the awards that it became a sign of "social relevance" and literary pretensions.

Just once, JUST ONCE I'd like to see a person like this take five minutes to think their position through. Just once I'd like a guy like this to see the holes in his argument at are big enough to drive a truck through. Just once I'd like to see a guy who wants more inclusion NOT try to punish someone who disagrees with his opinion. Just once, I'd like to hit my head hard enough to actually believe that a hypocrite like Davidson is capable of seeing himself for what he really is. Then again, maybe I don't. That might hurt. Oh, and once again, just because I can and because he started the Sad Puppies train moving forward (not forgetting that the first two words in any writer's mission statement should be GET PAID) :




On Sunday: Lizzie Ashworth's Salvation. For real this time, as I will be finished reading it tomorrow.