Don't Destroy My Favorite Franchises

Listen folks, We've reviewed a few movies and TV shows here at Jimbo's, and something we've seen a lot of lately is movies that don't live up to what came before them in their franchises or sometimes even in print, and I'm not just talking about the whole "The Book is Always Better" thing. The fact of the matter is that, in far too many cases, movie studios have made movies where they've placed the emphasis on effects and not story.  

Don't get it twisted. I love a beautiful movie. I've had many conversations with all kinds of people regarding older stuff that I love that just doesn't look right anymore because the effects are so dated. I grew up on Star Trek: The Original Series, but if I watch it now, the only part that still looks futuristic is when the crew uses the transporter. I love watching Babylon 5, but it's gotten to point where I almost have to watch the space battles with my eyes closed. Watch Robocop at some point and tell me the Point of View shots don't look stupid and old. I get the importance of special effects, especially in the Science Fiction and Fantasy that I love so much, but that's not all there is to a flick or series. 

Seriously, I watched Game of Thrones later than everyone else (life sucks when you don't have HBO) but I get why everyone was upset about the last episode. There was no reason to have Cersei burn all of King's Landing down. The latest iteration of The Flash had amazing effects but the script was amateurish. Don't get me started on the Star Wars prequels that were entertaining individually, but went together like oil and water. Seriously, I could have conceived a better story arc than they did. As a matter of fact, I did "write" my own outline of how the next two would go in my head. It was better than what they came out with, and it didn't even include Emperor Palpatine.

Seriously Hollywood, explosions, camera flare and ripping off The Matrix Reloaded aren't the keys to making lots of money.

And, before you criticize me for thinking I know more about how to make money with a movie than a Hollywood executive, you may want to realize that movies like Matrix Resurrections, Green Lantern, The Flash, Fantastic Beasts The Crimes of Grindlewald and Star Trek: Nemesis all lost money. The reason wasn't bad special effects. My reviews of The Crimes of Grindlewald and The Flash both indicate how impressed I was with the way the looked. The reason all of those movies failed is simple: They were poorly written.

Yes, movies and TV are visual mediums, but at the end of the day, they're stories. Story telling is something humans have been doing literally (and I mean literally literally, not literally figuratively) since time immemorial. The Epic of Gilgamesh is the oldest known written story in history. It was written almost four thousand years ago. I can guarantee you that it wasn't presented with visual effects by Industrial Light and Magic and didn't come in THX sound. It still exists because it was a good story.

Think about it: Other than simply being authors, what do the writers of Gilgamesh, Homer of Illiad and Oddysey fame, William Shakespeare, Miguel de Cervantes, Mark Twain, Jules Verne, Mary Shelley and Charles Dickens have in common? They all lived, worked and wrote in an era with no special effects and their stories will all be remembered by generations who won't even know that Wonder Woman 1984 ever existed.

Frankenstein has been put on film a bunch of times, but when it was written, there was no such thing as a video recording device. Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea was eventually adapted into a movie version, but not until decades after it was written. Romeo and Juliet was written before the founding of the United States. So was Don Quixote. The reason that you can still buy a copy of  A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court a hundred and thirty-four years after it was written and couldn't get a ticket to The Flash a month after it was released in the theater is because ACYIKAC is a good story and The Flash reads like it was written by an amateur. A good story lasts. A pretty movie with no story behind it doesn't.

If these movie and television studios want people to spend money on their product, they're going to need to come up with some better stories. That's the key here, folks. It's not making your movie look fancy. It's not substituting demographics for story. Marketing helps, but it's not the end all be all either.

Unless you're James Cameron. I don't get the success of the Avatar movies. They're not good and they succeeded. I'm wondering if perhaps Mr. Cameron hasn't sold his soul to Satan or something, because those movies are drek and they sold massive quantities of tickets. I freely admit that that guy is the exception to the rule. 

That's not to say that there are no good new stories. Ghostbusters: Afterlife was amazing. Black Panther was even better. I loved all of the Harry Potter movies even if they weren't as good as the books. Game of Thrones, The Walking Dead, House of the Dragon, The Last of Us, and even The Big Bang Theory (admittedly more SF/F related than true SF/F) were all well written and entertaining. 

And there are more ideas out there. There have been plenty of works reviewed by yours truly right here at Jimbo's that would make excellent movies. 

Why yes, I am trying to get some truly talented authors paid exorbitant amounts of money. That's so they'll keep writing. I mean, honestly, the best way to encourage your favorite author to keep writing is flat out bribery. Give them money to write and they'll keep freaking writing. And, let's face it, Hollywood's ability to pay my favorite authors is far greater than mine.

Seriously Hollywood, do the right thing. Get some writers that are good at their craft. At the end of the day, they're every bit as important as your on screen talent. Your livelihood and my entertainment depend on it.

Great Sidekicks of Science Fiction and Fantasy

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(This is not my work. If I had any clue who made it I would credit them.)

So I saw this meme posted last night and it got me thinking. I love Ron (DON'T CALL ME WON WON) Weasley. I mean, who doesn't love a guy who does everything he can for his friends? Who doesn't love a guy who sacrifices himself to save others? I mean, there are times when I found Ron to be a bit dense and sometimes a little annoying. Let's face it though, even though sidekicks can get on our nerves sometimes, they're important and our heroes would frequently be in a huge bind without them. So without further ado (or any adon't for that matter. Why does everyone forget about that?) I present to you Jimbo's Totally Awesome List of Totally Awesome Sidekicks of Awesomeness. Or Sumfin'. Look, titles aren't my thing.


Ron Weasley: Whoever wrote that meme did a better job of this than I probably could, but you have to mention the kid. The way he sacrificed himself in Wizard's Chess would have earned him a medal in any military on Earth. He's heroic and self-sacrificing. He eats a lot and can't always see the obvious, but that's no his job. Ron is sidekick excellence personified and he amazes me because of it.

Chewbacca: Oh, I'm going to take some for this one. But yes, Chewie was totally Han's sidekick. He went where Han said. He did what Han did. He handled the little stuff. I mean, he had a bigger gun and that's cool, but when push came to shove, he followed Han. He made no move to better himself, really. He was the main supporting character in Solo. This dude is a sidekick.


Robin: Yeah, this one's obvious, I know. I can't leave it off though. Listen, I started reading comics in like the first grade but even before that I was watching the 1960s Batman live action TV show. I wanted to be Robin with the big yellow cape and all of the cool toys to play with. I mean, seriously, who doesn't want a Batarang to throw at bullies? So, yeah. I mean, he got to live in a big house and run around in a cave. He got to ride in a car that blew literal fire out of the tailpipe. He got to solve crimes and kick butt. And oh yeah, he helped Batman too. This is kind of an ironic pick for me because I stopped watching DC movies after Batman and Robin came out (the “Holey Rusted Metal comment set me off and I'm not sure why) but, let's face it. Dick Grayson/Burt Ward for the win! Screw the movies, they sucked anyway.


Samwise Gamgee:

Frodo: No, Sam. I'm going alone.

Sam: I know, Mr. Frodo. And I'm coming with ya!

So it's been a minute since I've read the books or watched the movies and I probably borked the quote. I blame you for remembering it wrong. Obviously, being the all-seeing and all-knowing Jimbo, I would know better than you what was said. Or sumfin'. Maybe I'm just talking to hear my head rattle. I'll never tell.

Sam is Ron's only real competition for best sidekick EV-AR!! I really mean that. This guy went the distance when no one else could. He stood by his main character through everything. Frodo's mission was Sam's life's work. He put up with Gollum when he didn't have a choice. He fought giant spiders and did whatever was necessary. He even ate crap food without complaining (much) and he was a freaking hobbit. He sought no glory for himself, he worked only to help his friend in one of the hardest times of his life. Of course, I'd have been making missing finger jokes all the way home from Mount Doom and, from what I can tell, he never did that but nobody's perfect. So should Frodo give him a four out of five or a nine out of ten? (Give it a minute and you'll get it. Maybe.)

The Narrator in the Mikey Mason song (Not Quite) The Chosen One: He wasn't given a name in the song, but he will be named Tiberious in an upcoming novel. I can't wait to read this one, because I bet it's going to be awesome. At any rate, this guy finds directions, holds torches and cleans dragon shit off of treasure. I mean, seriously, listen to the song (I hear his music is free on bandcamp.com right now due to Covid 19) and laugh your hindquarters off. Seriously, this guy rocks.

Andy Keaton: Somewhere out there someone under thirty-five is staring at their screen confused right now. Listen, if you haven't seen Family Ties I'd imagine that it's got to be available for streaming somewhere. This kid used to crack me up. At five he could itemize big-brother Alex's decuctions for him. He went everywhere and idolized his big brother. This kid was so fun to watch. And no, that's not Science Fiction or Fantasy, but what the hey?

Screech: While my opinion of Dustin Diamond is a bit lower than what it probably should be considering the fact that I'm a Christian, the fact remains that Screech was what made the rest of the gang work. His comic relief was epic. He was the classic spaz. I miss this guy. And besides, as a nerdish type myself I couldn't help but identify with him.

Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

I fought with this one, but it's true. Inigo Montoya is a man's man with his own goals, yet he sets them aside to help his buddy Westley. Montoya ultimately does realize his own goal but only while assisting in the pursuit of Westley's. He's a monster swordsman. I feel it every time he yells “I want my father back you son-of-a-bitch because I lost my dad a long time ago. The circumstances were different but the feeling is the same. But hey, they all rescued Buttercup and Montoya helped make the movie interesting in spite of the acting of Andre the Giant.
So that's what I've got. Feel free to drop some of your favorites in the comments.

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