“Yeah, and?”
“You've never reviewed a game. Everyone thinks games are SF/F. DragonCon even has a few Dragon Awards for games.”
“Uhh.. Yeah. Your fault. I mean, it's actually my fault but I'm channeling my ex-wife here.”
“So what's up, bro? You gonna do this or what?”
“Fine, I'll do it. Now take your ass to the kitchen and make me some pie.”
(Bonus points if you're not screaming sexism when I never gendered the speaker. Also, bonus points for everyone who remembered the old school Cartman quote.)
So, while cruising somewhere someday, I came across an ad for a cell phone app called Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery and I was kind of hesitant. I had taken a look at another game called Harry Potter: Wizards Unite and it was basically the Harry Potter equivalent of Pokemon Go! and well, three hundred seventy pound dude and all, so...
Yeah, no.
Hogwarts Mystery however, does not force me to drag my overly large posterior all around town, presenting a huge target for any passing cars as I unwittingly wander out into traffic. I shouldn't diss Wizards Unites as I've never played it, but it just didn't sound like my kind of thing. Hogwarts Mystery however, is.
I'll let you all know about the biggest complaint others have about the game right now: The player has a limited energy meter and has to wait awhile for it to recharge after it's been used up. I'm okay with that. I actually like that aspect of it, because I don't have all day to play apps on my cell phone and if I'm waiting for two and a half hours waiting on energy, I don't have to continuously be staring at my phone trying to get ahead. This is not the kind of game you have to spend eighteen hours a day playing to succeed. Obviously, if you don't play as much it takes longer to advance, but that's life.
The story of Hogwarts Mystery is excellent. The players finds themselves wandering around mostly familiar parts of Hogwarts (I don't remember seeing some of the Common Rooms in either the books or the movies) and solving a series of mysteries, which are actually all part of the big mystery. What happened to your brother Jacob? Is he alive? Is he dead? If he's still alive is he hiding out or being held hostage? No one has seen him in literally years. (And, yes, I mean literally literally. I'm a fifth year and I still haven't found him and he was missing for a few years before that as well.) Things build very well upon each other and it's obvious that the storyline was written by someone who knew what they were doing and honestly, if every year ends on a cliff hanger, at least you can start the following year immediately after, at least up to sixth year. As now, I can see a list of achievement for years one through six. Not being a spoiler type guy, I'm not sure if there is no seventh year, if there will be and it hasn't been released yet, or if it's being hidden to prevent spoilers. If any of you have this information and can share it in a non-spoilery way, please let me know below. I'm afraid to look.
Hogwarts Mystery has a cast of characters that is just awesome. Not only are we treated to some of the awesome characters we're all familiar with, but there are some really cool new ones as well. Rowan Khanna is your best friend. You meet him on the Hogwarts Express on the way to start your first year. My understanding is that he's in the same house as you are regardless of which house that is and yes, you do get to pick. Merula Snyde is an awesome enemy. I hate the chick's guts. I'm totally shipping my character and Penny Haywood, potions nerd extraordinaire. Seriously, where were all the chemistry geek blondes when I was fifteen?
Oy.
Also though, we get to see some old friends. Hagrid, Dumbledore, Snape, McGonnagal and others are all here. Tonks is here and that's awesome because I have a thing for older Tonks as played by Natalia Tena. I mean seriously. Hogwarts Mystery also features some of the lesser known characters from the series, like Bill and Charlie Weasley. It's a lot of fun working with those guys solving mysteries and creating mayhem, especially the mayhem part.
Stop looking like that. I played the trombone all through high school and everyone knows that trombone players are basically just Weasley Twins: The Muggle Version.
Anyway...
If I had chugged along merrily doing the main storyline quests and ignoring everything else I'd probably have been done with this game a long time ago (seriously, I've been playing since like January.) but that's just not me. Hogwarts Mystery features a ton of sidequests along the way and they're a blast. I don't want to go into too much detail because spoilers, but they add a whole freaking lot to the story and you get some cool prizes. Side quests come with a lot of outfits (and dressing your character and/or getting new gear for the stat bonuses is almost as big a part of Hogwarts Mystery as gathering xmog stuff in WoW was) and other prizes. Some is stuff to decorate your dorm room with. I love it all. You have to pay attention though, because some of the sidequests come with real world time limits. If you don't complete the quest in time you don't get the prize(s) you haven't earned yet. That's life and they are clearly marked, but you have to keep that in mind.
Oh, and not to be too spoilery but if you get a really cool outfit from one of the timed sidequests and it comes with a headpiece that's kind of annoying with any other outfit, you can change it in the hairstyle settings. I just figured that one out today.
Quidditch is fun too. I'm given to understand that it was added to Hogwarts Mystery by popular demand after the game had been out for awhile. I can't comment on that except to say that it was available when I started playing. It's not quite the way I had pictured it. It's a really simplified game but it looks cool and IT'S QUIDDITCH. 'Nuff said.
Dueling is fun mostly and sometimes frustrating. It sucks to lose and I got stuck trying to advance the storyline because I couldn't win a duel and I ran out of galleons (which you have to pay to duel) to get past that spot in the story. It took me forever and I wanted to pound the snail snot out of myself when I figured out what I'd been doing wrong, but I got past it. There are duels throughout the game though, and it's a useful skill to have. Not to mention that there are sidequest that really only depend on winning a set number of duels and the prizes for completing them are really cool.
Care of Magical Creatures is a hoot and I'm not just talking about the class. There is actually a setting where you can adopt various and sundry creatures and teach them to like you. There is a series of sidequests with Hagrid. I've read that they'll be adding more. I don't want to ruin too much, but if you're doing these, I do recommend looking up some information on what order the animals go in. It'll make life simpler later and it won't detract from the fun if you don't read through the actual walkthrough. I do recommend only trying to max one critter out at a time, but honestly if you're not spending real world money that's all you'll probably be able to get at once anyway.
There are also multiday events that aren't really part of any storyline but give rewards. One of the most common rewards is the notebooks you need to buy the Magical Creatures, so if you're planning to do that, get used to playing these. I enjoy them. There is a dueling event that not only gives prizes for total victories, it also pays one hundred galleons a win. There is a Quidditch event. I like that one but I can't manage to get too many wins in a row. I'm getting better gradually though. There is an event where you gather crests by taking classes. More crests equal more prizes. There's an event based only on gaining experience (experience levels are part of the game but don't add much that I can see) so all you have to do is anything. That's a long one. It usually lasts close to a month and I usually beat it in about a week or a week and a half. The latest one required less exp and I beat it in a few days, but that's because I got big experience bonuses for finishing a chapter (all school years are divided into chapters) and for finishing two sidequests. The bonuses accounted for over half of what I needed all by themselves.
The biggest event is the one I call the “bingo event” and the game calls something totally different that I can't remember at the moment. My feelings on this event are mixed. The other events are pretty self explanatory as far as what you need to do. Do classes, get quests, win prizes. Win duels, get prizes, etc. With bingo you have a four by four bingo card. Each square has a different goal: Get so many stars for Flying Class. Win so many mini games in Charms. Buy some clothing (in-game money and/or notebooks and/or gems can be used with no real world money needed) from the in-game store. Fight and/or win so many duels. Play/win so many Quidditch matches, etc. So now you can't concentrate on one thing, you're scatter-shotting your efforts all over the place.
The thing is though, you're earning points the whole time and you've got competition, made up of bots with the name/appearance of other players avatars. It's hard to outscore them sometimes, especially when you can clear one card and don't know what's coming on your next one. Now, you can spend gems to reset hard goals (and I frequently do) but the amount of gems you can earn in game is limited. You can also use gems to produce a multiplier for your points, but again that's a lot of gems if you're getting them the hard way. Otherwise, you have to pay real world money to get more gems. And I guess that's what irks me, because it's the only part of the game that I consider to be pay to win. Bingo is also the one event that will eat through your Galleons so fast that it'll make you wonder if you ever had any. You have to save up for this one.
Seriously, you can play Hogwarts Mystery from beginning until end without spending a dime if you don't mind missing out on the last couple prizes of the Quidditch and bingo events. Anything else is easily completable using just your time. I'm pretty bad at the Quidditch one and there are times when the CPU just puts the bingo event out of reach. At least with Quidditch there's a good chance that I'll be able to complete the event if I just keep practicing.
Don't let that discourage you though, because this really is a great game. I find myself playing the game and trying to guess what will happen next. I laugh. I rage. I don't cry because that's not me, but some of you will. Oh, and it's challenging and fun too. You should try it. You'll enjoy it.
Bottom Line
4.5 out of 5 Black Feathers
Hogwarts Mystery is available at the Google app store and maybe the Istore, but I don't have an Apple phone so I can't check.
Some Harry Potter Merchandise is available for purchase at the link below. If you click the link and buy literally anything from Amazon I get a small percentage of your purchase at no cost to you.
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