(Author's Note: Nope, no Science Fiction or Fantasy here. This is just something that I thought deserved a review.)
You know how people tell you that you don't know how something feels until you've been through it? Well, sometimes you have been through it. I mean, I just read a book about a guy who is divorced and has two little girls. I was actually kind of afraid to write this review because I thought people might assume I wrote this book under a pen-name and then reviewed it myself. I mean, that describes my situation pretty well. Well, no, I didn't write this book. Kevin's story is completely different than mine. And, oddly enough, despite the similarities, he seems to feel a lot different about it than I do. That was a bit of a shock.
Despite all of that, this book still hit me pretty hard. I really wish I had a copy when things finally went to shit between myself and Nicole. Granted, Kevin was still married at the time and hadn't written the book yet, but it still would have been nice. Because, despite the fact that situations were different and we reacted in totally different ways emotionally, there are a lot of things we both went through. I would think that most divorced men with kids have a ton of similarities and even divorced dudes with no kids have some.
To me, The Divorced Daddy Diaries by Kevin Antcliff is a book about one man and his journey, but in a way it stands for all of us guys out there and I think that's a good thing. Something I seem to have been bombarded with since before I started dating is the refrain of the divorced woman/single mom and how bad she has it. Oprah has done shows about it. Books are written. Studies are conducted. It's legit. I'm not saying it's easy for women either, but you never hear about the man's point of view.
And it's not easy for us. Reba McEntire once did a song called It Always Rains on Saturday about how sad it made a mother when her son left for the weekend. I remember how much my dad used to love that song. I also remember catching crap for asking how the father in the song felt when his kid went away for a week. No one wants to hear it, but it's a valid question. People with penises are not immune from emotional pain, especially when it involves something as important as their children. Kevin talks us through what that feels like. It's not a good feeling.
Reading about what Kevin went through with his daughters was rough because I've been through it. I had to hold it together while reading The Divorced Daddy Diaries because I read the whole thing while sitting in the waiting room at a car dealership while my vehicle got worked on. Crying in public is just not something that dudes do. It wasn't easy though. That hit me hard.
There are a lot of emotionally rough moments in this book, both for the writer and the reader. That's important though, because divorce is a rough thing to get through. Kevin was married for thirteen years - and then he wasn't anymore. If you haven't been through it, that's a rough feeling to describe. He had also lived with his daughters for their entire lives, until he didn't anymore. That hurts folks. He does a good job of showing how much.
Don't get me wrong. This isn't some scholarly treatise on the emotional state of men after divorce. This reads more like a conversation you had with your buddy over a couple of drinks one night. It's raw. It's emotional. It's not clinical in the slightest and I loved that fact about it. Clinical terms can be so detached. The Divorced Daddy Diaries are not detached. They're real. That in and of itself is what makes this book worth reading.
It's not organized like a doctoral dissertation either, and I love that about it. A lot of going through a divorce as a dude is trying to make things better for yourself while waiting for life to kick you in the nuts again. I don't care who you are or how many people you have seen go through this process nothing prepares you for it. Life as a divorced dad is a disorganized mess. You control the things you can and ride out the things you can't. The Divorced Daddy Diaries seems to follow that pattern pretty well. There is no real logical progression of chapters toward some kind of ultimate climax at the end of the book, but it works.
My perverse side (and yes, I definitely have one) wants to present this book as a gift to one particular professor at Wayne State University who is known for her love of academic formalism. It's not because I think she'd like it. It's because I think she'd shit her pants and send the book flying across the room at warp factor nine. I picture myself standing behind her belting out my best wicked clown laugh. That's awesome though. I was a graduate student in history when I took her class and I still enjoyed this book more than any of the works that she assigned.
And there are some fun parts to go with the emotional stuff as well. If you've tried online dating for any length of time you know that there are some real whackadoos out there. Kevin found a few of them and recounts his experiences with them. I found myself chuckling more than once at some of the things he went through. I've been there. It's all true.
All in all, I'd recommend The Divorced Daddy Diaries to everybody but I consider it essential reading for any man who is going through, has been through, or is thinking about (or fearing) going through a divorce. Seriously. You're not the only one dealing with this, bro. It's rough out there, but there are others who know what it's like. Buy the book. It's a quick, informative read and you'll enjoy it.
Bottom Line:5.0 out of 5 Broken Hearts
The Divorced Daddy Diaries: Acceptance, Adjustment and Adventure in the Post-Divorce World 2nd Edition
Kevin Antcliff
Self Published, 2018
The Divorced Daddy Diaries: Acceptance, Adjustment and Adventure in the Post-Divorce World 2nd Edition is available for purchase at the following link:
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