(Edit 10/14/2019: The book is actually on sale for $0.99. It's not free currently. Everything else is accurate and I'm resharing because I can. Thanks!)
Me: Oh look, Cartwright's Cavaliers is going to be free all weekend. That's pretty cool.
Devil on My Shoulder: Oh, those evil, mean, hateful people. Didn't you just pay five dollars for that book like two weeks ago?
Me: Well, yeah, but...
Devil: But NOTHING!!!! We must have our revenge! Let it burn!!!
Angel on my Shoulder: You did pay for it, but let's face it. It was worth the five bucks. Actually, it was probably worth more than that. It was a really good book.
Me: That's true. I really enjoyed it. As a matter of fact, being a dude who has had some financial problems, watching Jim rise from the ashes and resurrect his father's business was kind of inspirational.
Devil: F that! We paid when we didn't have to.
Angel: Never mind you, devil. Aren't you a fan of violence for its own sake?
Devil: What has that got to do with anything?
Angel: You can't tell me you didn't enjoy the fight scenes. You can't tell me you didn't chuckle when all that stuff blew up.
Devil: Ok, yeah, that didn't suck. I still don't see why it's okay that we spent all that money.
Angel: And you can't tell me that the Adayn chick doesn't smell a little fishy to you.
Devil: Ok, she stinks. I'd think more brimstone and less fish though. She does have a sneaky feeling to her.
Angel: And listen, that space battle was hot, right. I mean, mass chaos death, screaming, no one knew what was going on.
Devil: Oh, okay, so I enjoy jacked up situations and that WAS a jacked up situation.
Angel: Oh, and Jim's mom was definitely one of yours, the way she screwed him and his whole company over and almost killed it. You know you loved that.
Devil: Yeah, it did make my day. I mean, how do you not love pure, self-centered evil like that? It was the greatest thing EV-AR! But there were soldiers in the book.
Angel: It's military science fiction, you knob. Of course there were soldiers in the book.
Devil: And they like worked together and stuff.
Angel: Mm-hmm. That's that soldiers do.
Devil: And some of the guys who helped Jim did it because they were still loyal to his dad and HIS DAD WAS DEAD!
Angel: Yeah, mortals are funny like that. They don't stop caring about each other just because one of them dies. Especially if it's someone they've fought and bled with.
Devil: I'm a devil jackass. I don't like it when people care about each other.
Angel: Oh, that's too bad. I mean, these guys work their tails off for each other. I was almost in tears when that cap...
Devil: I knew it. You're a wuss!
Angel: I know you liked that little Splunk thing.
Devil: You know, I have to have some respect for anything that looks that demonic. I mean, have you seen the stuffed animal version? She's a dead wringer for an imp! If only she had a bad attitude instead of acting like an animal companion in a Disney movie.
Angel: You know that Disney movies make hundreds of millions of dollars and are still watched decades later, right? And that they're so successful that people travel for thousands of miles and pay gobs of money to meet those same animal companions in “person?” And that they do it simply because they love them?
Devil: Huh?
Angel: And you can't tell me you that you don't want your very own pet Tortantula.
Devil: Heh. You know those things are cool. And they totally kick major ass. But what has that go to do with anything?
Angel: Never mind. Listen: You read this along with the rest of us right?
Devil: (snarky) Obviously, you dolt.
Angel: And now this is the second Four Horseman Universe book we've read, right? And we've reviewed both of them now too, right?
Devil: Yeah.
Angel: And we got the first one free even though that one was never offered for free to the public right?
Devil: Ok, yes. Come to the point will you?
Angel: Do you doubt for a single moment that the rest of the books are going to feature huge amounts of chaos and carnage?
Devil: Nope. Not at all. We're going to see lots of explosions. I can't wait. It's like it says in my favorite song. Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit...
Angel: I get it, guy. And we got this one sooner right?
Devil: Yeah. Unlike those slack-tards who didn't buy this thing up front.
Angel: So you're admitting that it was worth the five bucks to get it early?
Devil: No. It's FIVE STINKING DOLLARS!!
Angel: Ok, so what did you not like about the book?
Devil: I find it unrealistic that the mercs in the book would follow an obvious slug like Jim. I mean, he's a slug. These are guys who work their tails off to stay in shape to be better soldiers and all that guy does is eat pizza and drink Coke!
Angel: Uh, the book does show why they respect him. He earns it. And also, c'mon guy. Have you looked in the mirror lately? What else?
Devil: Uhhh... uhhh... Well, there's some mushy stuff.
Angel: C'mon guy. We already covered that. Is that really the best you've got? CAN YOU NOT COME STRONGER THAN THAT?
Devil: What's your point?
Angel: My point is that this book was five bones well spent.
Devil: Yeah, I guess it was.
Angel: Even if everyone else can get it for free for the next few days.
Devil: Now wait a minute...
Angel: Nope. I'm right. You're wrong.
Devil: Okay, so maybe you got one right on accident. Just this once. Don't think it'll ever happen again!
Angel: Oh, I'm sure it will. I'm an angel. You're just an a...
Me: That's enough you two.
Devil and Angel together: HMPH!
Me: Listen, we enjoyed Cartwright's Cavaliers so much we actually bought the sequel to it Asbaran Solutions. And we're not even sure that they won't put it up for free at some point.
Devil: WHAAAATTT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?
Bottom Line: 4.75 out of 5 Whacky Bloggers
Cartwright's Cavaliers
Mark Wandrey
Seventh Seal Press, 2017
Cartwright's Cavaliers is available for free from June 29 to July 1, 2018, and for purchase thereafter, at the following link:
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