Sunday, June 5, 2016

Well... If Hollywood Can't Get Itself Together...

It has recently come to my attention that Hollywood execs thing that the whole universe is stuck on repeat. We have, after all, seen reboots of just about everything that doesn't still have a reboot coming. Think about it. People keep talking about how it's a great time to be a nerd because of all the movies coming out and how mainstream gaming has gotten ( I'm going to leave gaming for another post, mainly because I've been spending so much time playing World of Warcraft that I haven't played anything else in approximately forever.) but what's really coming out? Think about it:

Star Wars: listen, I'm a fan. I wear the gear. I watch the movies. Before I got so wrapped up in MMOs I played the video games. I've even played the old RPG by West End Games. The fact remains that these movies debuted forty years ago and as much as I loved The Force Awakens it was basically a remake. Star Wars basically started the nerd era with its re-releases, special additions and prequels. There were geek movies before all of that to be sure, but it was the wild success of Star Wars and its later iterations that led to the great times we're enjoying now.

Teenage Mutant Turtles: I am, admittedly a bit of a weird Turtles fan. They came in just as I got to old to collect the toy line, but I've read the comics and seen the movies, and I played a collected the old Palladium RPGs back in the day. I love these guys too, but how did they come out of nowhere again? The first of the new movies was kind of meh, and I don't expect the next one to be any better.

The Telegraph has posted a list of reboots coming soon. The list continues and it's quite frankly getting annoying. Very rarely you can get a reboot that was better than the original (Battlestar Galactica anyone?) but it's definitely not something you can count on. I have however, been informed by a good friend and retired Marine noncom that you should never bring up a problem without a solution. Since I believe in taking advice from intelligent people, and since I've been told that Gunny is never wrong, I have a solution. Are you ready for it? It's revolutionary. It's going to turn the whole world on its head. Here it goes: HEY HOLLYWOOD: MAKE SOME NEW STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since that was a relatively imprecise suggestion, I will endeavor to make a few examples of books that I have read that would make great movies. Granted, the whole book to movie thing has been done repeatedly but that's because it works, so without further ado, let me get to my list:

Monster Hunter International by Larry Correia: Note to every producer who has ever held a pen or typed a word: If you can't take a story that starts with a big ass accountant throwing his werewolf boss out of a thirteenth story window and continues with battles against vampires, and an ancient curse and make a blockbuster out of it you need to stop trying. Seriously. At that point your probably so inept that you're not sure whether you should retire to bake mittens or knit cookies but it doesn't matter. Just get out of the way and let someone with some talent in. There is a whole series here. I could see this being a TV series ala Game of Thrones, but I'll be honest: I want to see it on the big screen. It'll look cooler when things blow up that way. Also, I want to see who they get to play Julie Shackleford. The only thing better than a hot blonde is a deadly hot blonde. Someone make this happen.

Pixie Noir by Cedar Sanderson: Ok, I'll be honest. Part of the reason I want to see this made it so that I can see a movie with a female protagonist named Bella that doesn't suck. Of course court intrigue, massive monsters and big explosions are why the rest of me wants to see it. Bella gets sucked into a world that she had no reason to suspect existed and things get crazy. This could be massively successful because it would be so much fun. I'd pay to see it and I'm sure a lot of others would too.

Impaler by Kate Paulk: Yes, it's Count Dracula but not as we've ever seen him. This is a story that involves two things no other Dracula story I've ever read or seen does: Vlad's younger days and his family. The real Vlad Dracula was a complicated man and this story reflects it. Also, if there is anything that has been proven by The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings it's that massive medieval combat appeals to modern audiences and there is plenty of it here.

Draw One In the Dark by Sarah Hoyt: Shapeshifting people. Dragons. Diners. Sexual tension. Death. Romance. What else do you want out of a movie? This one is heavy on the paranormal but so is a lot of other stuff and it sell tickets. They're remaking The Craft and Sarah blows that away. Of course, there are only two sequels to this novel published so far but they'd both make great follow ons after this one makes millions and millions.

Dipped, Stripped and Dead by Elise Hyatt: Ok, so this is a mystery and I'm mentioning it on a SF/F blog. Good thing I'm not a purist. Not only is this a great mystery but it has one of the best casts of characters I've ever read. Dyce is the main character and she's a little off but her son Enoch aka "E" is the coolest little kid ever.

Artifice by Lianne Miller: Wow. If you've ever wondered what a modern hospital would do if presented with a vampire read this book. If you want to sell millions of tickets, turn it into a movie. Eliza is not only a great character but her character arc is amazing and the twist and turns in this one will keep an audience enthralled.

Castaway Planet by Ryk Spoor: Robin Crusoe IIIINNNNN SPAAAAACE! 'Nuff said. Honestly, I see this as more of an animated family film but it's one I'd love a chance to take my daughters to see. Disney could rock this thing and I'd love every minute of it.

I'm tempted to add Amy Lynn by Jack July, but there is one scene in particular that would have to be in the film and I don't know if Hollywood has the balls to do it. I mean, I'd love to see it, but umm... yeah. Then again, maybe they would if half of what I've heard about the Game of Thrones TV series is true. (Sorry, I don't have HBO). But regardless, what's better than southern justice and war stories? Both in a single package!

That's just a few but it's my two cents. If any of you have suggestions, I'm open to them. The point here is as much about the fact that there is plenty out there to use and I'd like to see it. I seriously heard a rumor that there may be a Greatest American Hero remake coming and that wasn't even all that good the first time. It's not that hard. Just find an awesome book, fork over a bunch of cash to the author and make a movie out of it. We really don't need remakes and reboots of movies from thirty years ago.

The works suggested above can be purchased at the links below:

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